Just rest and enjoy your baby, i tried to be supermum and get all the housework done and cook a meal even tho my partner was very willing to do all that for me. In the end he asked me who i was trying to impress and it was a bit of a wake up call, so just spend time cuddling your lo and getting to know them as once they're mobile you'll have to pin them down for a hug!!!!
hi there, my advice would be to space out visitors and not let them hold the baby too long, Kai spent almost all of the first couple of weeks being cuddled and falling asleep in peoples arms, which meant once Sean had gone back to work and I was on my own with him he'd cry evrytime I put him down and wouldn't settle on his own. He settled within a few days but next time round I'd definately limit the amount of "cuddle time" people get!!
Thats really good advice about talking about how you're feeling and not be ashamed if you're feeling abit down. Sean kept asking if I was feeling down and I kept saying no no but deep down I was but not really sure why. But I realise now that it was completely normal to feel abit weird, having a baby is one of the most physically and emotionally life changing things for anyone to go through isn't it?
Its so worth it though, I can remember the first time Kai smiled at me like it was yesterday, it made the screaming and the sleepless nights all the more worthwhile!x
My first advice would be that if you are offered any help accept it.
Let family and friends worry about the shopping, cooking and cleaning while you spend time relaxing and bonding with your baby. Please do not try and push yourself into doing everything to make yourself the 'perfect mum'. Your baby would prefer it if you are calm and relaxed.
Make sure that you talk about how you are feeling. Mums seem to think that if you don't feel anything but really happy and excited then in some way you have failed. I know I found it really difficult after I gave birth to my daughter. Everyone seemed so happy and excited yet I felt tired and a bit shell shocked. I was also very hormonal and kept crying. My mum and health visitor were a great support. My partner did try but to be honest he did not really understand all of my feelings.
DO NOT feel guilty if you cannot breast feed. I felt that I was being judged a bit by midwifes in the hospital and the midwife who I saw after my daughter's birth. I did try to breastfeed but I had a third degree tear after I had my daughter and was rushed to theatre. I had over 100 stitches and did not really see my daughter till a couple of hours after she was born. I found it very hard and continued giving her a bottle. I should not have had to feel like I was a bad mum.
Ignore all pics of celebrity mums who appear to have lost all their weight and have a baby who sleeps all the time - it isn't real!
For the first few days don't change out of your dressing gown - everyone will think that as you are dressed you are coping fine and ready to take on the world, the cooking and the housework.
If something goes wrong and there are problems with you or your baby, don't be afraid to ask the medical team as many questions as you want until you are satisfied you know what is going on. And if you don't understand, ask again but try and stay calm.
It isn't a competition, do things in your own time in your own way and don't compare yourself to other mums who appear to be coping better / have lost more weight - you'll only feel bad and you don't really know how what she is going through to appear like that (too tired to eat, has to cope because there is no one to help etc.) I had such a horrid time with my first, my second was a doddle - I'd have done the school run two days after the birth had it not been pouring with rain and I didnt' want to get wet!.
Unplug the phone and sleep when your baby does. I had no help at all really when I had my first and I remember family wanting to pop in to see the baby. In the end I refused them just dropping when they felt like it because they would come in, wake the baby, demand a cup of tea and then dissapear leaving all the washing up and an awake baby for me! I asked my mum if she would watch the baby for 20 minutes while I got a shower and she said "I've Only popped in on my way to the bus stop, I'm off to town" she didn't even ask if I wanted anything from the shops! So if no-one wants to help when you ask Just tell them all to get lost and stop ringing just to wake everyone up.
When my last one was born I would settle him down to sleep and tell my partner he was watching the children for an hour because I was going to sleep. be asertive and make sure that people realise how you feel.
My son is nine weeks old now and I am breast feeding.....I find it, although rewarding, very tying, everyone tells you to exclusively breast feed and not to give bottles(formula or expressed feeds) for the first 4 wks.....well I think its time to advise parents its ok...it gives new mams a break to get help feeding to catch up on sleep or to have a couple of free hours!
Healthvisitors, midwives and doctors put too much pressure promoting breatfeeding that if you ask for help with any other methods I found you didnt get it and ended up feeling stressed and you end up feeling like a bad mam
formula or expressed milk bottles are great, if like me you are caught short with a crying hungry baby when out and about and you are too shy to breastfeed in public...it saves a lot of stress and it means you can relax a lot more
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