30/10/2014 at 01:44
Hello, I am a dad of an 8 week old boy named Reed. He's a cute little guy. My wife has maternity leave and cares for our son during the day, I own a business and run it during the day. When I come home during a the evening I want to spend time with my son and give mom some much deserved rest. Since my wife breast feeds him she sleeps in 2 hour intervals between feedings. The problem I'm having is that at around 7pm he starts crying uncontrollably and some of the fits can last til the wee hours of the morning. This is distressing because my wife will hear the crying and will come to save the day. She tells me that he doesn't do this during the day. I've tried everything to console him to no avail. Massages, rocking, walking, music, fresh air, swaddling, change of positions, reduction of stimuli, praying to god, planning my own suicide, and other techniques. I don't want to be a failure because I want to bond and help my weary wife. I've read sites like this one and used the advice, but it doesnt seem to help. Could it be possible that it has to do with my gender? Maybe I'm not soft enough or maybe my scent is distressing? (I shower when I get home and my hygiene is above average). Is there something I can do as a male to soothe baby, or should I just gouge out my eyes and increase my life insurance before leaping to my death? Help me, please!
30/10/2014 at 07:27
Wow! Sounds like you trying so hard already! what a rough time you are having.
i will more than likely not be able to help but may as well try!
young babies are super sensitive to changes in routine (this can include changes in carers) so it may just need time & consistency.... You need to persevere! I would recommend that if you are not already, take over the whole evening 'wind down' routine to include bathing etc. you can get baby bath oils now that contain soothing scents to promote relaxation & sleep so they may help. Mum needs to try to stop 'rescuing' you as otherwise the baby will not learn to settle with you & that will only get worse. This will be really hard for her to hear him crying but she needs to try. (unless of course you know he is crying because he needs a feed).
is your OH expressing milk too? If not it would be worth doing this so that you can do some feeds in the evening to help promote the bond. You can get special bottles now that mimic a breast so that babies can learn to feed from both ok.
you could also try putting a few drops of your OH's milk on a piece of cloth which you and the baby can keep close when you are cuddling him... Close enough that he can smell it. Babies use their sense of smell a lot so that can sometimes calm them as it is a familiar smell even though your smell is not so familiar. Its not a case of you smelling bad... Just different.
Hope some of this might help! Keep posting if not & we can see what other people suggest!
30/10/2014 at 17:53
Sorry to hear that your son is unsettled. My daughter used cluster feed with breast feeding in the evening (basically wanting to feed almost non-stop for 2 hours) could it be that he wants more milk even though your wife is asleep? I doubt it has anything to do with your gender but as the other reply said it could be just him getting to know you still, maybe try some skin to skin time with him as well as doing bath time.
The expressing idea is a good 1 but it can mean extra work for your wife so if she's very tired that might not be the answer.
If you haven't already you could try singing to him, rocking him, taking him for a walk (if you have sling or decent baby carrier then even better), playing soothing music but doing so keeping him close to help him feel secure.
He might be young but another thing it could be is teething. My friends son got his 1st tooth at 3 months so maybe trying giving him something cold to gum on (a teething ring - obviously not food!!!).
Unfortunately all babies are different & what works for might not work for another, keep trying different things & hopefully you will find something that works for you,
Good luck & hope you manage to get some rest too
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