Hi everybody. I've always been a lurker rather than a poster, but I've posted today hoping for some support and reassurance. I have a 14 week old (15 weeks tomorrow) and she is the best little thing ever, the icing on top of mine and my husbands cake. However, I haven't had the best time of it and it's really starting to get to me. She was born via emergency c-section after failed forceps, and thanks to the brutal but life saving delivery she was a very bruised and effected newborn. Then at 8 weeks she was diagnosed with acid reflux, so is on ranitidine and aptimal anti reflux formula, which after 2 weeks of reflux hell really settled her down and made her very content. But, after her 12 week vaccinations its just gone down hill. The past 2 weeks or so have been hell, and if she's not sleeping or eating she's moaning or crying. Because I'm a first time mum and read those typical parenting type books, I've been trying to steer her into having 3 main daytime naps a day. But I just can't get her to nap for any longer than 40mins and then It's a battle trying to get her back to sleep again as she wakes crying and clearly wants to go back to sleep but resists it. She does however sleep very well at night. I'm really trying to stay strong and just ride with it. She could be teething as she's drooling a lot and sucks on her hands, it could be anything! Every time I seek support I feel I get critisied for wanting her to take 3 main naps a day and for reading these books in the first place. For now I've given up with that as whilst she's being like this I just can't concentrate on it with her. But eventually I have to return to work and will be leaving her with my mum, so it would be nice if she was in a bit of a routine for my mums sake. Everything else in her day is routined and she's always been happy with that. I just feel very sad that I'm not enjoying my baby as much as I should be, and spend more of my day frustrated than happy. There's only been about 3 weeks since she was born where I can say have been a very enjoyable time. I no parenting is never 'easy' but surely it becomes more enjoyable soon, please! Can anybody please help, offer a bit of comforting advice? I'm not suffering from PND as I don't feel I have enough symptoms. All I want is a happy baby and I just feel upset I can't seem to help her. I know babies tend to have 'wonder weeks' so I'm hoping it's a phase like that. It's just nice to know I'm not alone as being a new mum can feel very lonely. Thanks for reading my rant, and that's in advance for any replies. Xxx

Sorry that's all in one massive paragraph...I didn't write it like that lol x

hello, its so normal to feel how you do. you had a tough birth that would have been a struggle to get over physically and emotionally, compounded by the fact your whole life had turned upside down, sleep deprivation, hormones etc and on top of everything a poorly baby. dont be tough on yourself if every moment isnt idyllic. the reality is its exhuasting entertaining a baby at your lo's stage and (in all honesty) as much as you love them it can be frustrating and boring at times.

i had a long labour with a big baby in the wrong position and had a nasty assisted birth that gave my lo a neck injury and me feeling terrible. it took a few days for me to feel excited and stop feeling shattered, irritable and scared if im honest. I never doubted my love for my son but it was daunting setting out down a road with no return, endless feeds and nappy changes. once id got over the birth a little though i have to say i was lucky, for the first couple of months my lo was a good settled baby who fed well and slept a lot and i at least caught up on sleep in the time. then at about 9 weeks my lo suddenly decided he would stay awake all day (12 hours) he breast fed a lot in that time so i suppose might have been snoozing on me but never actually went down for a sleep. ok, he did sleep 12 hour nights which i know i was very lucky to have but in the day he began to need entertaining - only he couldnt sit up, wasnt interested in toys etc as was too young - found myself feeding him lots, using the play gym and bouncy chair endlessly and taking him on walks. he would grizzle a lot of the day as he was bored and i would feel fed up too.

what i can tell you is that none of this lasts! I went back to work when he was 8.5 months and like you i worried about that right from the off set - and how my mum would cope with him. it was all poinlless as by that point he was a different baby, crawling with teeth, eating food, playing for short periods on his own - unrecognisable from the tiny baby you have now. whatever routine she has now will not be anything like that which she will have later.

also, i hate to add to the advice of others but im inclined to agree that books cant dictate what all babies should do. they're individuals like us. your her mummy and its your decision what to do, but maybe use the books as a rough guide and then be further guided by her reaction. 45 minute sleeps are still sleeps and maybe she cries because she's had enough. sometimes you can just add more stress to yourself and then that goes through to your lo. a certain amount of you has to accept the here and now as i can promise it will all change a million times over over her first year.

xxx

 

Right, first things first, deep breath! You are doing a fantastic job and by the sounds of it doing everything i did! I read and read and read everything so when my first popped out and didnt sleep when he should, and didnt get on with breastfeeding I was devastated and thought I was doing something wrong. After a couple of months, my hubby made me see sense and I realised that babies don't read books so behave as babies and each little bundle of joy is a little bit different. I had my second in January and we had such a horrible time of it, with him being born by EMCS 4 weeks early and spending 4 weeks in SCBU. That said I'm so much more relaxed this time as I've learnt to go with his cues for feeds and naps. 

Of course I still have days when I'm tired and cranky and everything seems too much but they are just bad days and tomorrow's a new day. Try not to worry about what the books or other people say you should be doing, go by your own instincts, I didn't trust mine but actually once I started trusting myself things got much easier. No one knows your baby as well as you do. 

My baby is now 7 months and some days will have lots of naps and other days hardly any. I also find that when were out and about he sleeps lots as in the car and buggy most of the time. But when were at home he'll just 'catnap' have odd ten minutes here and there, half the time I dont bother putting him in his cot. 

The only times I really have routines are mealtimes and bed. We usually eat around the same times and bedtime is always the same, starting at 7 with my youngest, finsihing  by 8 with my eldest. Other than the odd couple of tv programmes my eldest likes, and a bit of a quiet time after lunch we dont stick to a strict routine. Maybe stop following a strict routine for a couple of days and see what your baby does, you might find she slips into a natural routine anyway. 

Finally babies change all the time, due to growth spurts, teething, change in eating habits and just getting older and managing with less sleep. So by the time you go back to work, she'll probably have changed all over again. But try and stay positive, I'm sure you're doing a fab job, you just need to believe in yourself, and oncve you relax, you'll probably find baby relaxes too!

Hi,

I echo what Alfie has said, try hard not to be hard on yourself. This parenting business is hard work and there are so many different opinions on everything! I would tend to agree not to worry about set nap times at that age as it does all change so quickly. Have you tried anything like baby massage which may help to relax your little one. Also my.son had reflux from 2 weeks to 7 months and he had cranial osteopathy which really seemed to improve his discomfort/distress. I know not everyone believes in it so I'd recommend you do your own reading.

Good luck

Linds x

Hi there, well you are certainly not alone in this.  My LO is exactly the same age and it sounds as though we have similar issues. After years of trying to get pregnant I have my precious little bundle and must admit feel extremely guilty if I am not enjoying every second of motherhood, I'm sure most of us are the same.  My little boy rarely sleeps in the daytime unless I take him out in the car where he falls asleep immediately and stays asleep as long as the car is moving. Also if we go out for a walk he will sleep in the buggy but if we are just at home the most he will get is the odd 10 minutes here and there, mostly at the end of a breastfeeding session (or during).  He is also drooling continually and putting his fingers in his mouth so think you are right about the teething, although he doesnt seem to be in any discomfort with it.  I just wanted to ask what the symptoms of reflux were and how you got your LO diagnosed as we have similar problems here and always just thought it was wind but it seems to be getting worse rather than better.  New motherhood is definately tricky but I try to take each day at a time and keep telling myself that things change so quickly and that each problem either gets resolved of its own accord or we learn to live with it.  Just be comforted to know that it is not plain sailing for many of us and you can tell that by reading through a lot of the posts on here.  We are all just learning as we go along this steep learning curve and its nice to take advice from others who have been there.

Love A xxx

Hello! The first thing I would say is that you are definitely doing ok! To be doing anything more than just functioning is a bonus! You have had a rough time of it so congratulate yourself for getting this far unscathed

As others have already said, babies change their eating/sleeping habits every couple of weeks so don't stress too much on the nap thing. However, that said, if the routine is something you feel you need (for your sanity as much as anything) then go for it and ignore the people that make you feel bad about it. I think if your little one is sleeping at night then 40 minute day time naps sounds about right. Any more and you risk having disturbed nights - at least during the day there are places to go to distract her and you.

It might be she needs more stimulation? Do you go to mum and baby groups? It might be that she's getting bored with you! Said affectionately but very sincerely! Mine were all soooo ready to get out and meet the world and would be a nightmare to settle at home but good as gold out and about.

You say you don't feel you have enough symptoms for PND, but reading between the lines that means you think you have some symptoms? I would talk to your hv or Dr about it. Even if it is just to make them aware of what is going on. And blurting out your worries is good for you. Don't think they are too busy for it - it is their job to help keep you well both mentally and physically. I would definitely make sure you get out everyday even if its just a 15-20 minute walk. Figuring out what your little one needs is exhausting even without the difficulties you guys have had. Is your mum able to look after your little girl at the moment - even if its a couple of hours a week. It is really important is you are feeling a little bit low that you are able to spend time being you, not just mummy x

I hope I'm not too bossy! My first lo was so difficult to deal with (very unsettled from the outset and in and out of hospital with asthma from 6mths) and I recognise and empathise with so much of your situation. But just to say there is light at the end of the tunnel - she is now a very bossy 6yr old little lady and I'm preggers with no.5!! So it can't be all that bad

Take care, chin up and if you ever want to rant again just send a message!

Nicola x

Don't be so hard on yourself, your doing a fantastic job & baby is still fairly young.  Baby will be going through a number of growth spurts in their first few weeks where sleep/feed habits can go all over the place with them napping more often or wanting more food.

Try not to get cross or lose heart if baby doesn't always nap for the same length of time, some days they will have more energy & some days less, if you think LO is still tired try checking they haven't been disturbed for a reason (bottom is still clean, not too hot/cold) before trying to put them down again.  Try using some background white noise to help LO off to sleep (hoover, hair dryer, washing machine, radio).  If your mum is going to help look after LO once you return to work why not try spending some time together now in preparation, your mum will get to know LO, you can share ideas & help each other learn (if not your mum, ask a friend you don't have to be super mum coping alone we all need help sometimes).  Best wishes.

Having a baby is hard!! I suffered fertility problems and took a long time to get Thomas, but after a horrible labour it took me a while to enjoy things, Thomas had reflux and didn't sleep well day or night and I was so worried about everything, and then I would cry with guilt that I wasn't enjoying it!!! All I can say is keep going, it sounds like you are a fab Mummy and I promise it gets so much easier!! A year on and I absolutely love everything about being a Mum and have done for ages, everything will just click into place and you will wonder what you were worrying about xxx

happy birthday to thomas magpie! I remember your hard times at the start henry turned one last week x

Hi I havent read everyones replies so sorry if I repeat whats said but just wanted to say that theres light at the end of the tunnel. My dd1 is 2 and had horrendous reflux from birth and we tried all types of medication and finally found 1 that helped plus dr brown bottles & comfort milk. We knew she was a happy baby but screamed so much coz of the pain of the reflux. So days weren't enjoyable with her Then when she started having solids she became a different baby and now at 2 is absolutely fine. I followed the baby whisperer & was obsessed with naps so much so that I could only go out during certain times so she could nap at home. At the time it was everything to me but looking back I see things in a different light. I wish I had enjoyed her more and had gone with the flow more. I have a 5 wk old dd and things are so different. I feed her at certain times and put her down for a nap (if Im in) after her feeds but other than bedtime I have no other routines. If she sleeps, she sleeps, if she doesnt its not the end of the world. As I know this time will zip by and theres no point stressing. My advice is enjoy every min and get out & enjoy ur lo!

Ah happy birthday to Henry too Alfie! I hope he had a lovely time! What a difference a year makes ay, I don't know where the time has gone! xx