Hi all,

Just a quickie- I've been to visit my mil this weekend. It was her birthday yesterday and she got a card from a friends parents. I have never heard her talk about this friend and like I say it was the friends parents that sent the card. She seemed surprised that this couple had sent her a card and was reading it out loud. They were wishing her a happy birthday and said thanks for the Christmas card she sent them. Now is the bit I feel a little uneasy about (and where I need opinions as not sure if I am over-reacting or not?) they said "thank-you also for the photos of the boys- they have taken pride of place on our mantlepiece" she then looked at us and said "I sent them pictures of my grandsons. Meaning my lo and my sil lo. I am not really sure I want people I have never met having pictures of my son! Especially on display. The other thing is her and sil don't get on so I REALLY don't think she should be sending pics of her son to strangers. She doesn't even see him anymore!

I haven't told sil and won't as I know it will cause uproar, but the more I think about it the more I want to talk to hubby about it.

What do you ladies think?

I understand that you are concerned, i would be if it was me. My mum sends people cards at christmas and if its people she doesnt see and hear from except at christmas, she puts in a letter and pictures of the family and updates them on whats been happening. I dont know most of these people but its just her way of keeping in touch, the way we post on facebook.

It could be something like that, and while if you ask her not too, she should respect your wishes, im sure she is just proud of her grandsons.

I dont get on with my MIL and i understand how anoying it is when they do things we dont agree with. Mine has obviously been telling all her friends/relatives the big news that im breastfeeding!! Im getting people who really shouldnt know asking me how its going?

I would speak to hubby in a chatty way, i know if i comment on my OH family it ends in a fight, so i pick a good moment and choose my words carefully

Good luck

Gemm x

Hmm yeah I wouldn't love this either. Had a similar thing the other day where my mad cat lady neighbour asked to take some photos of the girls when we were playing outside. I let her because I couldn't see how it could cause any harm, but in retrospect I'm not comfortable with it.

Anyway, in your particular situation I wouldn't say anything as I wouldn't want to rock the boat with family for something so small, esp when she just sent the photos because she's proud. That's just me, though - not saying I'd consider you a drama queen if you decided to have a word about it. I think asking her not to would be entirely reasonable.

Did she send photos to lots of people?

Thanks for that, I dont mind her showing pics but just think sending them Is a little off? Especially as she didn't ask. I just can't put my finger on it, but it makes me feel uneasy.

Ptb- I don't know how many people she has sent them to! Like I say I have never heard her talk about this friend- or her parents. My mum brought both my nans a little photobook of all the great grandchildren for Christmas so they could both show friends which I am fine about. It's just the sending of the pics to strangers I'm uneasy about.

i get what u mean, my mum (although she doesn't send photos of to random people) asked me the other day if she cld have a disk of photos of ds, i was quite happy to do this, but then she said she wnated it to show al her work mates...now do'nt get me wrong i quite like the fact she's a proud nan, but i'm uneasy with her showing photos to people i have never met or heard of...luckily she told me this before i made the disk up, so i carefully picked and chose which photos she cld take (so none of ds in the bath etc), also annoyed me slightly that she only wanted the photos to show off, not for her, iyswim? perhaps these friends of ur mil haven't got the photo on their mantle piece tho, perhaps they only said that out of politeness, rather than 'thank you for the photo, we've put it in a draw with otehr photos we don't need to have out'...but ultimately he's ur sn, and really its up to u who sees what photos of him...especially actually giving a photo rather than just showing..if u feel uneasy about it then i wld have a word with ur OH and ask him to get ur mIL to check with u in future before sending 'strangers' photos of ur son. xx

Yes, can definitely understand why it makes you uneasy.

Oh my god - I feel your pain!

My MIL is exactly like this. We email her pics of Lyvi and she tells us a few weeks later that she's forwarded them to x, y and z...

I don't like it either but don't know what to do. I know she might just feel proud but I don't like the thought of pictures of my daughter being sent to just anyone.

Also, when we had our Bounty photos done at the hospital we gave the grandparents one each and she scanned it in and started printing it out to give to people or email to people! It really annoyed me 1) because we paid a lot for those pictures and 2) they weren't just for anyone to have. Can't she keep anything special and appreciate being given one?

It drives me mad!

And another thing - she DEMANDS that we invite people to our daughters naming ceremony who are HER friends that I've only ever met once!!

Sorry for my rant :lol: Just wanted to say you are not alone and I don't like it either.

Love NN and Olyvia xxx

It wouldn't bother me personally - but I can understand why you are uneasy.

I think it is a HUGE shame that we live in a society where people feel that they have to be careful about pictures of their LO's, and I can understand why the older generations don't see the danger. From her point of veiw she probably didn't see the harm, she just wanted to show off her grandsons! It's quite sweet that she is so proud really.

nx

I did think that wow baby! Maybe they just said it rather than actually having it out on display.

Think I will talk to hubby about it just so he knows how I feel. Won't mention it to mil unless it comes up in which case I will just simply say "I would rather you didn't send pics to people I don't know" happy for them to be shown pics but not given them.

I agree with nikkiandneil that it probably doesn't occur to that generation why we'd be uneasy about pics of our children being sent to people we don't know. I'd feel uneasy about it to though, and maybe try to explain to MIL (or get OH to do it) that you understand she is proud of them, but how many people has she been sending pictures too, and how well does she know them (not well enough to expect a birthday card by the sounds of it), and that sadly in this day and age we do have to be careful who we trust.

We had quite a falling out with my MIL a while ago because she wanted to bring her boyfriend (who we'd met once) to our house to babysit our son - we'd asked her to babysit, then when hubby said we wanted her to come alone she got very annoyed and said she'd already asked him. Well sorry, I'm not comfortable with a middle aged man I don't know in my house with my child when I'm not there - yes she'd have been there but she turns into a teenager when she meets a new bloke so no I don't trust her judgement in those circumstances. They were together a while but we never really got to know him any better - her choice, she could've invited us to hers when he was there but would rather have him to herself - but it annoyed me on our wedding anniversary when we couldn't go out cos hubby wouldn't ask her to babysit in case it all came up again!

i have the same problem with my nan...we spend a lot of money getting photos printed (we take loads - anyone who knows me on fb will know :lol: ) and share them round our close family - however, my nan would only keep 1 or 2 herself and send them round to her friends and their families etc so we stopped giving them to her and she maybe gets 1 picture every few months now! x

I would def talk to hubbie about it so he knows how you feel and take it from there. I can see why it would make you feel odd.

i can see why you feel uneasy, MIL takes pics round to all her friends to "show" off, i dont know if she has given anyaway but i will be pretty miffed if she did, i dont understand why anyone would want pics of a baby they A dont know and B are never likely to meet, it really beats me???

maybe like wow baby they are hidden in a drawer but why say they are on on the mantle?? sounds a bit odd, although MIL has lots of pics of random people on hers!!!

I totally know what you mean, I hate it when people pass on photos to people I don't know. I'm really proud of how beautiful my two little girls are but I like to show them off myself and to people I know, not just have others pass them on to anyone.

I also told off some of my friends when photos from my wedding were posted all over facebook. It was MY, (ok our) wedding, and I don't know half their friends on fb, especially when they barely know some of them themselves! I don't want random strangers seeing my wedding photos.