I'm slowly but surely cracking up so I've put a call in to my hv - I'm just waiting for her to get back to me.
Does anyone have any idea what's going to happen next? I've already taken the pnd test and came back borderline and I know that things have gotten worse since I took it. I'm bf though and I'm not going to take any medication or stop feeding.

Hi MrsC06,

It's likely that your HV will come out to you to have a chat about how you're feeling and it may be that simply talking about it with them will help you a little? They will probably ask you to fill out a questionnaire to assess you and will probably ask you to see your GP.

In terms of medication, I believe that there are some drugs that are safe to take while breastfeeding so it wouldn't automatically mean you have to stop feeding. Plus there are alternatives to meds such as support groups and talking therapies that you may find work for you perfectly well without the need for any medication.

You've made the first important step by making contact and talking about how you're feeling. See what the health professionals have to say and take it from there.

Best of luck hun, hope things improve soon.
xxx

Well done for being so honest, and seeking help. You have done the absolute best thing for your baby! You are a star!

Don't worry hun, the HV will want to support you (she is on your side!) she will listen to what you want to happen next, and talk through the different options - hopefully you will be able to make a plan together, that you both think will work. She will need to make sure that you and baby are both safe, but other than that - it's all up to you and things will go at your pace.

Like MummyAnonymous said - it is amazing what a difference it can make just talking things through with someone understanding, you might find that after a good chat and a brew - you don't need to do anything next, but if you do need more support then it will be good to know what is available.

Hope you feel better soon, let us know how things go.
Nx

Well done honey for speaking out.

I am afraid I don't know the steps they will take next for you. But the ladies are right - you will only be supported now, and you should not be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

We are all here if you ever need to vent - even if it is to say you have had a rubbish day.
You are not alone, and feeling so low will not last forever.

Some days will be rubbish, but most will get better and brighter.

Big hugs xxx

Thank you so much for the replies.
I know it's irrational, but no one will take my kids away from me will they?
I've shouted at them and I've got a really short fuse with ds1 at the moment but I've never and would never physically hurt them. How do I prove that though?
The hv is coming tomorrow afternoon, I'm totally dreading it.

Thanks.
I have felt like throwing him out the window many times, but that's when I take myself off to another room to calm down. I know I would never do it.
I know we all have our fights on this site from time to time, but it's so nice to get the support when it's needed, really appreciate it girls.

Oh honey!! I normally lurk in toddler but saw your post

well done you for admitting it as many of us don't!! They will not take your baby away from you and your gp and hv should be very supportive and are their to help you get better.

I was diagnosed with pnd quite late, when lo was about 6months as I actually lied on my tests!!!! so hv didn't pick it up. it was actually my sil amd mil that suspected and made me go to gp. I too refused to go onto anti depresants which my doctor didn't want to offer anyway so I went down the counselling route. Now I have private health care with my work which was great as the nhs waiting list is quite long to get to see someone so I went and saw a clinical pyscologist and ended up seeing her every wednesday for an hour for over a year but she wasn;t cheap ??100 per hour, but thankfully I only had to pay ??100 excess and my employers covered the rest.

My pnd actually came from losing my mum when I was 16years old and I plodded on until I was 31 when I had my ds and then I couldn't cope anymore. I had therapy called cognitive behavioural therapy and this enabled me to see what my issues were, the type of person I am (control freak and perfectionist!!) and then how I could change my thoughts and actions and control my life and emotions

I will always be the person I am, but with this therapy its helped me realise it and deal with it and now I am a happy working mum who loves her life - with no medication.

maybe its something you might like to think about if you can afford it, or go to gp and ask, funding might be more readily available in your area. and also remember a problem shared is a problem halved so talk to people, even if its easier talking to strangers you can always email me honey

take care and don't suffer alone
Claire xxx

I've suffered depression in the past so it's obviously just the type of person I am - I've been fighting it off for the past 10 years though and with the bad weather we've been having, I think the isolation and being stuck in the house with 2 kids has just sapped me of the energy I need to keep fighting it, if that makes sense? Therapy does sound better than meds, how do you find the time though?
I can barely get a bath in peace never mind a whole hour to see a therapist! Ds1 isn't a problem, he'll be going to nursery in a couple of months, but the baby is well and truly attached to me - literally, most of the time!

Oh sweetheart, nobody will take your kids away. Honestly. You're a fantastic mum, lots of mums get PND (I did after DD) and you are doing the right thing by asking for support.

There are medications you can take whilst breastfeeding - I think Sertraline is the one the go to first for nursing mums - but if you really don't want to take it, you can ask to be referred for talking therapies on the NHS. My GP prescribeda book, sounds silly but itgave lots of strategies on dealing with stress and depression and it really helped me.

Exercise is something that helped me a lot - can you escape a few evenings a week or get someone to watch your two for an hour a few mornings a week, or maybe even find aleisure centre with a creche? You don't have to be a gym bunny, just a walk in the fresh air or a swim or aqua aerobics class, get your body moving, adrenaline pumping and some time just for you.

It's overwhelming, I know - you're welcome to PM me any time you need a moanor a friendly jab in the ribs. BTDTGTTS!

I was diagnosed with PND (well I kind of self diagnosed and GP agreed) at my 6 week check - I had a truly awful pregnancy and a scary time after her birth with her really ill, I was just soo exhausted and really really unwell. I am on Citalopram but I gave up bf due to her jaundice at 3 wks, and they would have given me, as MaenaD says, Sertraline if I wanted to continue bf. PND is not a reason to take your kids away sweetheart. I work in mental health/childcare field and there would have to be a whole heck of a lot more going on than that, believe me! It's great that you're asking for help and I really hope you feel better soon. The difference in me is incredible now (DD is now coming up 6 months). I started to feel better a few weeks after acknowledging the problem and getting meds. I also got a wee bit of therapy at a local PND therapy project, and they provided a creche with trained nursery staff for DD. I didn't enjoy leaving her as felt she was too wee, but it was only three times for 50 minutes and it did help me talk a lot of things out. xxx

I can see how being stuck in the house with 2 kids this time of the year can get you down!!
Do you have anyone around you that can help out and give you a break, even for an hour to have a nice soak in the bath?
I used to see my therapist at 5pm for an hour, and hubby used to look after lo, he works shifts so he's at home quite a lot during the day. What about your oh? Does he work long hours or weekends? you sound you need some you time too!!! Will he take the kids out for a while for you to have some time?

I just wanted to add that I am currently going through PND. My DS is 7 months and is basically a nightmare. I saw my GO who presribed Sertraline, but I got so many side effects it just wasn't for me. Just talking to someone helped me a lot. I remember my GO telling me three's too much pressure on parents nowadays to be "perfect", and said to me, just to try and focus on being a "good enough" Mum. Also remember that depression is not a weakness, it's a sign of someone trying to be strong for too long.

If you ever need to contact someone who is, quite probably, feeling ad desperate as you, please email.

My hubby is a star bless him, he's always happy to help with the kids. He works crazy hours though, on a normal week he doesn't get in until 6.30pm but every other week he's on call 24/7 so sometimes doesn't get in until very late and is out through the night too so it's mostly just me and the kids. My family lives 3 hours away and I'm not a big fan of the in-laws (there are issues there!) - ds1 usually comes back from there kicking and screaming and tells me he doesn't like me so it's usually not worth the hassle of sending him there!
Get the violins out eh?
Hubby is off this saturday though so we're going to go out for a nice long walk - the exercise will help i'm sure.
Thanks again for all of your replies. I actually feel a little better for just having acknowledged that there is something wrong.

Hey MrsC06,

Has your HV been yet? How did it go if so?
xxx

Hi how did things go with your HV?

I was diagnosed with PND about 4 months ago - like you I'd suffered depression in the past. I had counselling and found it hugely helpful. When I went to my Dr this time I was dead set against meds but agreed when he suggested trying a low dose of Citalopram, in combination with getting out more (even just for a walk with the pram) it made me feel better after a week or 2. When the snow hit I got major cabin fever and it did set me back a bit but nowhere near the point I was at before. It's tough being stuck in and can't imagine how I'd have coped if I'd g=had 2 kids to entertain!

Whichever route you go down I hope you feel better soon xx

Hi,
she's not long away. Thankfully she's really nice, she has advised me to go see my dr and that medication might be the way forward. She did the pnd test on me again and since the last time i took it a couple of weeks ago my score has doubled which is not good. I'm going to phone the surgery in the morning and try to get an appointment. I think my hubby is going to be a big help too - he was asked to work overtime tonight but he said no to it so that he can come home to let me out for a run. I'm hoping the exercise will give me a bit of a boost to get me through the rest of the week!