i dont know what to do anymore. today has already started badly, harri wont take his breakfast again so ive had a melt down. i cant stop crying, i dont wanna be anywere near harri i dont wanna talk to anyone just wanna lock myself in a dark room and sleep. i h8 myself for feeling like this but i just cant cope anymore. i want to run a mile. i feel so alone, all my oh does is shout and swear at me when i get annoyed with harri. i have no support, my dad does the same. i dont know were to go from here! al i feel is dispair. whats wrong with me!

[Modified by: sunnymum21 on 28 May 2008 10:02:14 ]

i made an appointment but cant get seen til tuesday. i dont feel like this everyday but its becoming more frequent xxx

my hv is coming out to se me at 2, im so scared. what if she thinks im a bad mum. what do i say? i already feel like an idiot as broke down on the phone to her...i tried not to but couldnt help it! im scared of what she is gona tell me. what if she say i have pnd? what do i do then? help!

o hun...she wont think your a bad mother at all. I have broke down to my HV a number of times when matthew was going thru his bad time with reflux.
Try not to worry about it...thats what she is there for. You might not hav PND, you might just be finiding it a little difficult with harri at the moment. thats what she put mine down to and soon as matthew started to improve i started to feel better. Dont be scared hun. she is there to help you and harri. It will get better. Let us know how it goes when she is gone xxx

Dont worry, what your feeling is completely normal and i assure you that your mw will have met hundreds of people who felt the same. She is prob even better to speak to than the dr at the moment as she will have so much experience in this. I had depression after having my first and found that as soon as I asked for help things got easier.
Good luck and dont worry.

i find it hard to controll my temper and i try really hard and i keep trying really hard to pull myself out of this but the hole seems to be getting to big to climb out of and its becoming more difficult to feel like myself, ive felt this way for a while but kept telling myself things will get better. i constantly snap at oh and i dont mean to xxx

Sunnymummy you are not a bad mum. I've had days like you esp when my lo wont have her milk and when she started to wake again at night I freaked out! My oh had to take over, and I felt so silly afterwards. The hv will be able to help you - let it all out you'll feel so much better.
Maybe you also need to have a sit down with your oh and tell him how you feel as well so he can be of more help to you?
I hope you go on ok xx

i'm so sorry you're not feeling any better today, am really glad that you've managed to get the hv out to you today, don't worry she wont be there to judge you, just to help. You're certainly not a bad mum, you're just having a tough time of it all at the moment, it's not like you're neglecting harri is it.
i know harri suffers from reflux and tbh i'm a bit clueless about that and if thats why he's refusing to eat, but if he's teething perhaps you could try rubbing his gums with teething gel first and then try (i know that works on mine when he's in a real state) failing that if he doesn't want to eat maybe he's just not hungry, try to feed him again through the day and keep an eye on amounts, if it looks like he's getting enough don't worry about it, and if he isn't and it carries on tomorrow seek help with it. Do you have anyone other than oh or dad to help out? even if it's just sitting with him while you have a coffee in the other room.?
Really hope you're feeling better soon and hv helps you through this, please let us know how you get on. take care of yourself, thinking of you

no theres no one else. i dont speak to my mum and my sis has her own life and boyfriend and is very busy. i wish i knew why i felt like this i just wanna cry all the time at the mo. one minute im fine then it only takes the smallest thing to bring me down and i feel low then. xxx

Hi Sweetie, I can't offer any other advice than what is already here. Contacting your hv was a good thing to do. Let us know how you get on.
All the best, Denise xx

people keep telling me i have pnd and telling me i need to see someone so i hope they accept that if i do have it that its not my fault and didnt ask for it.x

In no way is it your fault Honey! Noone can suggest you asked for it. How old is your lo? Do you get any support from anyone other than your dad or oh?

Hiya

I can understand exactly how you're feeling. It sounds so similar to what i went through about 6 months ago.
I dont want to say too much on a public site, and would have emailed you if you had it enable, but feel free to email me anytime.
I do know what you're going through, as my situation almost caused a lot of hurt.

you are not a bad mother - and your HV and/or gp will not be judging you at all. You do need people to talk to who are going through/have been through the same thing so tha you can see that PNI is an illness that we need to recover from - and you need to explain to your OH about it. I have lots of info on it if you need it, and also information aimed at partners of people with PNI that i gathered for my husband.

The shouting, crying, losing your temper is all part of it. Sometimes it doesnt actully have to be anything that sets you off - there were days my husband would come home and find me crying uncontrollably on the couch for no reason.

I hadnt lived here long - about a year, and didnt know anybody other than the neighbour (who we'd fallen out with at that point) so i only had my husband to talk to.

I hope they can give you the support you need, and were all here to help you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

sorry had to pop to dentist... back now. it's a real struggle having to look after a baby let alone on your own, i am similar in that oh works 7days a week and too tired when he gets home, my family live miles away but when they do get down for a couple of days it is so nice to just have the break. you really should try and get them to understand you just want a litle me time. i know the hv will help you, just be honest with her and she will begin to put you on the right path, as far as im aware pnd isnt something you ask for its something to do with hormonal balance, they need to support you, i would imagine if that is the case once you are given the help you need not only will you feel the difference but they will notice it too, so they can't argue with the proof. good luck sunny

my email is dallaspink@hotmail.com if you wanted to go further into it. thanks for offering to share it with me.xxx

sunnymum21 im glad im not alone u sound exactly how i feel im the same have such a short fuse and even the slightest thing will set me off.. it started with me this morning when brooke pulled my Tea of the table all over the floor and i just lost it now everything she does is annoying me!! ARGH!!! hope it all goes okay With HV let me know how u get on.. i want to talk to someone but dont know where to start or what to say to them.. what did u say when u rang HV? xx

i broke down and just poured stuff out. shes comin later so we can have a proper chat and have dr on friday. i just want some one to turn around and tell me things are gonna be ok and that they can help im here if you ever need to talk sounds like we are in the same boat hun. my email address is above if you want it. you could even have my number if you wanted it.xxx

hi sweetie, i think your already taking the biggest step!
i had a serious bout of baby blues that meant i was crying all the time, paniking i was doing things wrong to make our lo such hard work... hubby kept saying he's just a baby there all different! my lo had silent acid reflux.... it was awful and only really recently things have been easier - he has gaviscon in each bottle - does your lo have any medicine?

i remember at my 6 week check up talking to doc and then just started crying... i thought i must have pnd but actually it was because i was trying to plan a routine then it would go wrong and then everything felt worse... my lo at 20 weeks only just stopped having nite feeds but still wakes 5 times a night sometimes to be resettled, it all takes it toll!!!

your are not alone and from reading this how your feeling is obviously very common!!! and that means you can def get help, even if its just talking it through with someone!

i want to give you a big hug and say lets have cuppa but i'm sure you live miles away!!!!

xxx

yeah thanks would be interested to know how u get on with HV i really get on with my HV so i think i could maybe get her round for a chat but i like to think i can deal with things on my own and coz i dont feel like it all the time i wont bother 2morrow then when i feel like this again i will just get through that day like i am doing today.. lo just fallen asleep bless her looks soo cute! i could just do with some time to myself.. in the 10 months i have had her i have not had one day without her!! i just want some space!! x

well jst tried to give harri his lunch and hewouldnt have it so of course im upset again. oh came down started moaning at me, tried to explain that i may not be well but all i got was, well you should of got help sooner, and do i think its been easy for him to live with me lately? why do i even bother to explain, when all he does is place blame and critasise me! im doing my best here but .....i dont know it never seems enough. nothing i do is good enough.