Ok so the short of it is Im pg. Although I have been very broody I didnt want another just yet. I balled my eyes out when I found out and was/am so worried about how it will affect us esp the boys. Well OH was telling me that we will be ok ect that day and made me realise that, yes, it will be a struggle but its happened and we have to deal with it. Well OH got up this morning and is now set on me having a termination. Now, I was in pieces about having another but today the sickness has kicked in and I am starting to feel pg and everything he is coming out with is making me angry and wanting to have a termination less & less with every word. I have just told him I dont think I can abort this baby and he is saying that its not just my decision - which I know and agree with 100%.

What the hell am I gonna do? How can I make a decision like this? We did agree to more in the future jus not this soon. I know its the wrong time to have another but I feel like Im killing my baby!

:cry: :cry: :cry:

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Told OH today that I wont be terminating and he says I am selfish ect, ect. I am sure he still thinks he can change my mind. Havnt told the Gparents but I know what it will be - I am just waiting for it to blow up with OHs mum. She keeps using the boys against me, saying it will be bad for them. I cant believe I have let people make me feel so pressured. I really felt the choice was taken away from me. I am still really scared of the fallout (having another and peoples reactions) but I know when I see my baby with my boys it will be worth it.

Do you think I am making the right choice or am I being selfish?

Thankyou so much for your help and support girls, this is so much more than a baby forum, I appreciate it so much.

Elaine & boys

[Modified by: JunieMummy on 03 October 2009 16:41:28 ]

Didnt want to r & r, but just basically wanted to second what wanna bump said. I think whats meant to be will be and if you plan on having more children, i think a termination is a decision you will regret.

Your OH is no doubt as scared as you are, but im sure that together your strong enough to support each other and get through it.

didnt want to r&r, but i was very nearly in the same situation, i have 3 boys and couldnt comprehend having another but then i know a termination would kill me. you need to sit down and really talk about it, especially the effect you will think it will have on you and you stat of mind etc! remember you will have to live with your decision for the rest of your life and if its the wrong one could very easily push you to resent your oh for what will make you feel like 'forced' to terminate. i hope you can sort this out for the sake of you family . take care xx

I think you need to let the raw emotions pass (for both) and sit down at the weekend and talk about this properly.

I don't know your reasons for not wanting another yet, but I can understand as we're in a financial mess and i'd love another but just not yet, its not the right time...............

..........but if i did find out i was pg, I couldn't abort either.

What i'm concerned about if you do and its not what you want it could ruin your relationship forever

I hope you both come to an agreed decision soon honey, take care
xxxxxxxxxxx

Oh hun, I think you might be in danger of regreting it forever if you had an abortion. I can't decide for you but you need to be very, very sure before you decide. I know it will be hard work with the boys, but you would have a slightly bigger gap than with the boys and you are such a fab mummy that I'm sure you'd manage.
Big hugs hun.
xx

Sorry, I don't have much advice, but I didn't really want to read and run. My personal opinion is that you just need to give him a bit more time to get his head round it. Keep talking and hopefully you'll be able to work through this. Good luck xxx

I've emailed you x

Oh hunny, my sil had a termination this week and it was horrific for her but she is only 15.

Im gonna not pussy foot around cos I think you will appreciate honesty as well as all my empathy. You are a grown woman, in a stable relationship with 3 gorgous boys who was actually planning more children in the future. It has just come a little sooner than expected. You will cope, and probably even enjoy being a mummy again. You know how much joy they bring and im sure if you carried on with the pregnancy you would wonder why you even doubted it when you hold your baby.

The issue with your OH is a harder thing to come round. I suspect he would though. They say these things happen for a reason...maybe this baby is meant to be yours.

I hope I dont come across insensitive but its not like you were never ever planning more anyway.

All my love. Lauren xxx *whispers congratulations!*

Oh hun, sending you massive hugs. None of us can tell you what to do but just from reading your post I think you already know your decision. I've only met you once but you seem to be a fantastic mum with three beautiful, well behaved little boys. Let the initial shock settle and sit down with OH again when you've had time to really think it all through.

Cat xxx

hun, im here to talk to anytime, u helped me n in return i will always do the same, U r an amazing mummy, i see you with the boys n i admire you completely, i know u were broody hun n ur were excited telling me the other day, its scary n exciting n J wanted another too, give him time hun, remember ill support u whatever xxx wish i lived nearer hunny, ill defo get to london in oct to see you xxx text, call miss call anything msn me please xx u need support xxxx T

I had an abortion when I was 15, and I know for sure that I did the right thing. Things would have been so different. I would probably never have met my OH as I would have been tied down to some loser who was my 'first love'.
The difference is that you are in a happy/stable relationship, so it would probably be something you'd regret doing in the future. I think that you should tell your OH how you feel and in the end it is down to you as you're the one who has to physically go through with it. x

[Modified by: xkelx on October 01, 2009 04:06 PM]

Aw hun, I really dont know what to say. It's your desition at the end of the day and no one will judge you whatever you decide.
It's very difficult. Maybe you could give your oh a few weeks for it to sink in and he might come round? He's prob just in shock right now!! I'm sure deep down he wants you to keep this baby. Maybe he's unsure of the extra strain it's going to put on your relationship? But hey lets be honest, I think if you got rid of your baby (the one you so desperately want) thats going to put even more of a strain on in the long run. I think you know what you want to do, I've got everything crossed for you he will change his mind
Will be thinking of you hunny, big hugs x x x x x x x

I had an abortion early 2007- and I have to say it will always haunt me but at the same time I know if I hadn't had it then I would never have had Lily so I always focus on that. At the time I was still at uni and although I was with my OH (now husband) and we had been together 2 years it was just not the right time. In all honesty and he openly admits this it was more him not being ready than me but I went along with it. I had a medical termination as I found out just before Christmas 2006 and they couldn't fit me in before I was 10 weeks and when I came round the first thing I said to OH was don't ever make me do that again. I feel terrible for saying it and it has haunted him forever making him feel terribly guilty. We have worked through it and its part of our past now but if your feeling the way you do now and you go through with this because of OH's feelings perhaps you will hold some resentment.

It very nearly broke us as I could not deal with what I had done and blamed OH terribly which was unfair as I gave consent too and know my own mind.

I think as mousenose said you are in a stable relationship and may be once the shock as set in you will both be able to talk about it in a different light. Good luck huni. xxx

Thankyou for your replies, The Gparents have been told and they all agree that I would be able to 'cope' with another but think I shouldnt have to 'cope' and that the boys would have less of me ect, ect. OH has also gone off on one and gone out. I have booked an appointment for Monday to discuss a termination with a Dr so looks like my decision has pretty much been made. I am emotionally drained. Cant think strait at the moment. I dont want to have a termination but it looks like its the only way to get things back to 'normal'

Just want to say thankyou so much for your replies, and i am sorry if i have offended anyone.

Oh god Elaine, Ive just read your post and I'm in tears (I'm not pregnant btw, so it's not hormones!!!)
Are you sure this is the only way?? Really wish I could give you a cuddle, Sounds like you are needing it right now
My oh was a wanker last week when he thought I was pregnant too but I know deep down he would never want to terminate our baby. Please think this through and don't just do what everyone else thinks is best. This is YOUR life x x x x x x

ah hun, sending you lots of hugs firstly.

Well you know i fell pg in may and wasnt planned and even though I was extremely broody when me and oh discussed it we were shocked at first and honest thought the world had swallowed us up and felt so selfish on the 3 children we have as like you said in the post we would cope but how fair is it on any of us just coping? My oh did actually ask if I could go through with an abortion and even though I knew I would never truely forgive myself I could live with it. Anyhow we let things lie for a little while to both think about things and 2 weeks later decided that we would manage and make the best of everything we have always managed fine and overcome troubles and can do it once more. Someone looking over me had other ideas though and I started bleeding the next day and had to have a d&c 10 days later. I was devestated and felt like it was my thought for even thinking about the abortion but I always felt that someone in a way was taking the decision away from me as it was breaking me in half.

After my oh initial fears and wanting me to have an abortion he did get quite excited and 4 months down the line we are ttc and do not feel like we would just be coping.

I have rambled but never really told anyone about considering the abortion apart from oh and family but you sound so similar to how I felt and on both mine and my oh behalfs we did find giving it time to think about things put things in perspective and were able to make a decision without us hating each other as my fear was if i had the abortion I would hate oh for wanting it and me doing it to not split us all up.

I would honestly give your oh a couple of days and then talk to him a bit more and see how you both feel.

I hope I have made some sense in my silly ramblings hun

You got my e-mail too if u need to chat xxx

I dont want to end this but I dont want to be pg without support & I dont want anyone to resent me or the baby because of a decision I made. I dont know, its just a discussing, maybe a chat with a health proffesional will help?

I cant believe this is even being discussed as me & OH have always been so anti abortion. I feel like I dont know him anymore.

Thanx again for the replies, it means alot.


x Laura and Lucy x

I cant get into my msn at the moment but I really appreciate you taking the time out to email. Will try it again in a bit and as soon as I read it I will reply.

xx

dont really know what to say,i dont know what i would do in your shoes,my friend got pregnant and she has 4 kids and in the end she decided to have a termination and when she had it done she said it was the worse decision she made....
at the end of the day you have to make the right choice for you and your family maybe the talk with the doctor will help you make up your mind,its your body and it will be you who has to go throw it.
my thoughts are with you and i hope you make the right decision for you

sarah

Oh love, I really feel for you. You might not feel it's the perfect time to have another, but at same time please don't be bullied into choosing an abortion. Take a little time to think things through and talk to your OH. Finding out you're pregnant unexpectedly is the hugest shock and it takes a while for it all to sink in, so don't do anything hasty.

No-one here can tell you what to do hun, I just hope you can make the best choice for yourself and your family. Thinking of you.

xxx

*~sending a BIG hug!!*~ I so sorry things are so crap when you should be able to celabrate.

All I can say is keep talking! and don't rush into anything! I know this needs to be sorted sooner rather than later but you both need time to get your head together and do what is right for you!
xxx