I live 300 miles from my family and my mum is visiting 19 day old baby and i for first time.

im dreading her visiting cos already she doesn't accept my decision to bf, as she has told me on the phone, because she thinks i'm tied to the baby and her kids turned out ok who were bottle fed. I know she has got my interests at heart but, Im not sure how to deal with it as she wont listen to me and I dont want my resolve crumbling.

Im sure there will be other things which she will bring up which were different in her day.

anyone got any advice on handling mum so we dont spend the next week resenting each other and what other baby things she can do during her visit as bf and sleepin (which she cant help with) takes up most of the time?

thanks

Hi what a tricky situation.

This might sound a bit of a strange reply, but, it might help.

One of the things I read was that if you give a bf baby a bottle before they are three weeks old, they will always happily switch between breast and bottle. It may be that if you can express a feed to give lo occasionally in a bottle, this will genuinely help you because you won't be so tied to lo and may help mum see that you are being practical and addressing her concerns?

With regard to things that are different and suggestions, i find that replying "that is a good idea, I might try that" seems to work whether you intend ot try it or not.

Things to do, garden centres with cafes make good outings as lo can snooze in buggy and you can ususally find a quiet corner when she needs a feed.

Or maybe you could go with her to your local bf support group!

The bst job for visiting mum to do is take little one out for a walk in the prma - straight after a feed - so that you can get some rest - PERFECT she spends time with little one/you get rest/peace! Really truely with such a little baby there is not much she can help with - chatting to you when lo is asleep and cooking/making drinks/cleaning/washing/ironing these were the most helpful things my mum did at this stage when she visited so that I was free to feed and do as little else as possible!

STAY STRONG YOU ARE GIVING THE BEST START YOU CAN!

Stay strong, your mum should be the one who's worried if she has a problem with it, you've got enough to worry about. You don't need to explain or try to defend anything you decide to do this is YOUR baby, YOU'RE the mother and it's YOUR life! BF is the best gift you can give your baby and it's what she wants too!!! So, don't ever give in, carry on doing a great job! ;\)

Its your desicion to BF and well done you Please don't feel pressurised (sp?!) into doing things that you don't want to do. Make sure you stand your ground so she knows from the start where you and her stand on things.

xxx

i find it really hard to swallow that a lot of the older generation are against BF simply because "bottle feeding never did their childrn any harm" my MIL was the same. I have nothing against bottle feeding what so ever, my own little one did go onto formula after 3months. but.. thats a different matter i could go on about for ages!

You've made a great decision to bf your baby, just let your mum know of all of the positives of bf, the nutrients and antibodies, the closeness/bond etc and explain to her that your more than happy to be "tied" to your LO to give them the best start you can. Be strong, don't neccesarily feel you need to prove anything, your mum should be supportive. But be strong and don't let her put doubt in your mind XX

I've just replied to your other post on routines and I wonder whether it's your mum who has suggested this? I hope you are doing ok and keeping strong with your choices. If it gets too much come on here and vent it's a great way to boost your confidence cause we'll all remind you of how fab you are and how well you're doing

take care x

What lovely posts everyone - thank you for your support.

I did push a book under her face to read and she seems to have accepted b/f at the moment. I did say that I have been selfish during my life and this is one of the most unselfish acts I felt I could do for my baby.

My mum has been a big help with winding the baby as the baby seems to settle more in bed as a result. The only other issue I have with the baby is how long feeds can seem to last - like last nite I was up for 3 hrs in one go, then she only slept for 1/2 hr after - so maybe I haven't sussed out the wind problem yet.

Has anyone used gripe water to aid winding?

Hey Sevans, glad your mum is being more accepting now. As the others have said, be strong - with all due respect it's nothing to do with her how you feed your baby!

My advice (and my experience is limited so feel free to take what I say with a pinch of salt!) is try not to get too hung up on routine and establishing what does and doesn't "work" for certain problems. At such a young age lots of things don't need anything except time to sort themselves out and what works one day won't the next. The last thing you want to do at what is already an exhausting and emotional time is to worry about timetables and solving problems (like wind) which will probably just pass on their own. Lily had a windy phase at 2-6 weeks, but it just passed as her digestive system matured.

Hope you're coping ok and enjoying being a mummy

Hi just wanted to say you are definitely doing the best you can. Don't let anyone put you off bf! Routine is almost impossible I found when bf. You get into one and then they change their habits and you start again. I used to feed all day and night for my lo. Make the most of it cause I miss it now (lo is nearly 2). As Pinktoothbrush says it all just takes time, which is something us mums never really have x

i agree with all the lovely posts. You're doing a fab thing and keep up the good work! My lo is 19 weeks and i'm bf on demand...as soon as you think you have it sussed they change it anyway!! enjoy and remember no one else has had your baby and you know best!