2009....

Andrews gone.

had a really petty row this morning, and if im honest no idea how it started...so he went to pay rent and i chained to door as jack keeps getting in the hall, when he came back and opened door chain was still on so he started kicking the door in i asked him to calm down as lola was asleep and jack was watching he carried on so i managed to shut the door he carried on so i undid the chain and asked him again to come back when calm he threw a tenna at me and left not seen or heard since this was at 11am. He saw my mum and said hes going away over night, where to i dont know only people he knows are my family and freinds and noones seen him, my baby boy is crying at the door calling him everytime a car or people go past the house, im in a total mess and keep crying, ive just spent 4hrs looking for him and hes switched his phone off after saying he cant cope, he has no money either. Both children have been sick 3times today and im a total wreck.

Im sooo hurt and dissapointed as hes always put jack 1st but today he didnt care what he saw and slammed the door right in his face, and the stupid thing is i dont care what hes done im just DESPERATE for him to come home, ive never been alone at night and im terrified and i know the kids will be bad tonight because of fireworks.

What if he doesnt come back

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sending you big hugs

i cant say i know what you are going thorgh but i will pm you

Oh My Goodness Laura, i'm so sorry you're gonig through this at all let alone on new years eve.

The things you said in your post sound a good thing to tell him, ie, about just wantting him home and that it doesn't matter what you originally rowed about. would it be worth texting that to him just in case he turns his phone on?

I can totally sympathise with you about being on your own tonight, i hate it too. The things that have helped me are having the light on in the hall and tv on overnight in my room. Take your mobile up to bed with you too. If you'd feel happier having the kids in your room do that too.

I so hope Andrew comes home this evening,

stay strong xx xx xx

Oh Laura I am so sory to hear what you are going through, I agree with Tasha if you text him at least he would get that if he turns his phone back on.

Have you any family or friends nearby who can come round and stay with you for a few hours?

I really hope he just needs a few hours to himself and that he comes home tonight x x

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Hi Laura

Sorry to hear that you  are having a nightmare! I hope Andrew comes to his senses and comes home to you all. I agree that texting him is a good idea, but try not to leave lots of messages. Just one or two which get your point across, otherwise he may feel like you are nagging (we all know that you aren;t but bokes appear to have a slightly different view on life than us!!)

After everything you have said it sounds like he has the male version of PND, my workmates hubby had it after their first was born. He did similar things that were out of character. It might be worth looking into if things don't improve!

Got everything crossed for you!!

xx

Sorry to hear this Laura. I hope it all works itself out ASAP for you. Sounds like you need to have a good chat with him when he does come home. We are here for you, if you need to chat.
Pauline x

Oh Laura - Tasha has given you such good advice, I really can't add to it.

Just to say we're here for you, I hope he's back soon but he will be back anyway as it's clear he really dotes on you all.

Keep strong for the kids and try and make the evening as normal as you can for them - I know it's hard, but it might help you as well if you act as if he's going to be back in the morning.

 Big hugs

x

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i'm not sure whats happened to make him start like that, but i'm sure once he's had a little time to sit and relect he'll be back.

if he doesn't come home tonight, try not to worry to much, is he in his car? when i 1st ever kicked ray he slept in his car over night lol,

i understand it's hard, once the kids are asleep they'll not hear the fireworks and should be ok, you prob's won't sleep til he's back....... tbh i really don't know what to advise you, i just want you to know i understand how you feel and not to worry you'll be safe and the kids will be ok x

Sorry to hear this,Laura.Hope it's just a paddy and Andrew comes to his senses when he realises he needs a bed tonight.Like Caroline says,I wouldn't keep leaving messages.If he's stewing about something,it'll just annoy him.Does sound like he's been stressing on and off for a while.From what you've said he seems very up and down.All you can do is keep everything as normal as possible for the children and hope he's back by morning.I sleep with the hall light on when I'm here on my own at night too,and sometimes leave the telly on.
Don't know what to suggest.It's hard for a bloke to admit he needs help.Hope he's home soon.

my grandma has come to stay and hes told my mum hes at his mums until tomorow then he will come home, when i dont know. I have no idea how on earth he got to his mums its 2hrs away! and we dont have a car, and i cant think of anyone who could come and collect him that quickly. IM just really scared that this is it, he said a few weeks ago he didnt love me so i calmly replied that lola would have my surname in that case, am i that stupid and blind hes been stringing me along?? He really suprised me christmas day he got up and walked lola so me and jack could sleep and our m+s is 24hrs even crimbo day! and he came home with a huge bunch of white roses with sparkly edges and a big box of chocs, this is the man i fell in love with. The mood swings he, and i, are haing are horrendous, im worried hes snapped and isnt gonna take it any more, just cant see him turning his back on jack they are so close... iv just had non stop screaming from 7 because no daddy, he kept pointing and crying and i had to show him no daddy here, each room justmade him scream harder, its broke my heart, daddy always gives him milk while i read, cant believe hed do this to jack, tried ringing so jack could atleast talk to him and he said no! this is very out of character for him, im just a mess, ive not been away from him except havin the babies in 4 yrs its very stressfull. im just being a baby cant stop blubbing

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oh laura, just got home from work and read your post.. so sorry to hear you're having such a horrible new year's.. it does sound like he might have a bit of pnd too. you guys have been so up and down the last few weeks, and the lack of sleep just makes little arguments blow out of proportion. hopefully a night apart will make you both realise what you're missing and you can start the new year properly when he comes home..

try to keep calm for Jack's sake, tell yourself it's because you're both so tired (because it probably is). everything will be okay, because in the end it always ends up okay somehow, even if the end result's not what you first wanted. take deep breaths, go and wash your face in some cold water. you WILL be okay. we're all here for you, sending big hugs.  i hope everything seems a bit better in the morning xx

Oh Hun so sorry his being like this,i've had similar with adi as he was so scared of us having riley,it worried him sick.My BIL(adi's side)had been of work for over a yr with depression thought to have ben caused by the birth of his little girl,being they guy he was he tryed to get through it but sometimes they need to learn its ok to break and there is support for them to but most men have very different ways of expressing themselves.

Not that his gone about it the right way but it might do him good. Like tasha say's its horrible spending the nights alone,i hated adi away when he worked nights but as riley was a tiny babe an i was BF i new he was close but had a night light on.

We are all here for you,dont worry about crying(it helps).

xxx

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jacks stil screaming, slept for half an hour, screaming and screaming daddy, and gets sooo cross when i show him hes not here but i have to to stop him screaming daddy, its breaking me and i know he wouldnt believe me if i told him as hed think im just using jack against him, i dont know what to do for jack hes soo soo sad and angry and is just hitting and biting me to find andrew, he wont sleep anywhere but his cot so i jst have to sit listen and cry, hardest and most depressing day of my life ive felt low for a while but this has really kicked me down, going docs on 7th soonest they can do think i need something help or i dunno, but im struggling to stay happy and feel positive i told andrew this and this is how he helps me... feel like a failure, if id just let him in jack would have his daddy and wed all be curled up on the couch bringing in the new year, family complete. back in a bit jacks screaming again and lolas awake, dunno what id do if i didnt have to keep going for the kids

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I hope a night apart will remind Andrew what he's missing.Maybe he does have some kind of depression.Men do get PND I've heard.You're both tired and stressed,spending all day everyday together.He can't find work,and you're both tired.
I don't know what you can do for poor Jack,other than tell him Daddy'll be back in the morning.This sounds really silly,but do you have something of Andrew's that he's worn that Jack could have.My sister used to sleep with my Mum's old cardigan.Sorry that might be just silly.
It's a miserable start to the new year.I hope it all works out.Bet he's missing you guys as much as you're missing him.
Happy New Year.Things will be okay

only just settled little man, hes took his drill to bed, his and daddys fave toy. helped a bit i think. well stopped him giving me a pasting.

Andrews been txting my mum, who never has an opinion and avoids our dramas but shes really sticking up for me. they go as follows

A- Ill be home tomorow (man of many words. also apperently cant tell the time)

M-just 4t u should kno laura was on her own from when u left until gone 7 and has coped, grams is with her for a few hours but she wont come here as she sayes the children are happier at home, feeling reli proud as you know she hates being alone at night but shes putting your babies first. Happy new year.

A- thank you, i know but i had to do this (erm WTF)

M- i no!! just didnt want you worrying about them all. she did go looking for you but felt stupid and realised she was wasting her time, everytime ive spoke to her shes been calm and getting on with stuff, sorting your house and playing with jj being the good mum we know shes cabable of being so dont worry (hint of sarcasm?)

A-ok. (oh sorry dont like hearing were ok without you do you, keep telling me im shit and cant cope, love a challenge me, not daddy of the year now are we, someones made a boo boo)

so anyway ill await his return tomorow, any tips on not pushing him away again, without letting him get away with this?

God id love to be able to swan off guilt free and do as i please, except id miss them both far far to much they are my world.

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hes just txt saying happy new year and thats it, I mean why fucking bother (sorry scuse the bad language but im mega cross) Just replied might be when your here, gotta feed little lady now and try and sleep speak tomorow, and thanx everyone xx

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I know you're going to want to rip into him when you get your hands on him,cos it was a really **** thing to do,just stomp off and leave you to it,but look at the bigger picture,and rise above it.He's been away,he knows he's done wrong.Hopefully he's done some thinking,and calmed down.Better than that,blazing rows,yelling all that.You just managed on your own with both babies,both upset stressed babies plus being upset yourself.Just let him try to put you down.Ihope this is a chance for things to change.I'm not saying pretend it's all okay,but sometimes it's better in the long run to say to yourself,yeh,okay that hurt,but is it worth a row and a fight,cos that's worse.You didn't push him away,but he needs to tell you what's his problem.I'd let it happen when he's ready.Make sure he know how well you coped without him,but just take it calm and easy.Don't blame yourself.These things can often be a lack of communication,oh yeh how's it go?Hormones,lack of sleep,stress.This isn't meant to be patronising from an old bag,but you are both young,and in a short space of time you've parents with all these responsibilties and worries.Won't admit what I was still doing at 20,but it wasn't that long ago for you guys.It takes many years to know someone too,I still think we're from different planets sometimes after 12 years.
Hope it all goes okay for you.Your Mum sounds like a star too,keeping in touch with him when she probably wants to clobber some sense into him.Try and get some rest.I'm off to me bed.I'M SEEING DOUBLE!!

Morning Laura

How did your night go? You should feel really proud of  yourself that you got through it. that alone might help you feel stronger when andrew comes home.

I can#t offer much advice on how t handle him when he returns, buti think the main thing is  to appear strong (even if your sobbing inside). It will scare him thinknig that you could cope without him and will quite possibly make him try and a little harder.

JUst a thought, has he bonded with Lola? I only ask because my hubby didnt bond with Amber until she was at least 4 months old, didnt even hold her often. It was hell and caused so many problems for us.

I really hope things get sorted today.

Big hugs xx xx

Hi Laura,

Just read your post. So sorry to hear your new year has started off like this. Hope he comes home today and you manage to sort things out. you are doing a great job love so stay strong xx

I agree with the others over the PND thing,we suffered a simaliar thing here! we are all here if you need us xx

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Awful night lola only slept for about 10mins at a time so i brought her downstairs at 7 and we got an hour but she slept on me, jacks woke at 9.30 straight away looked for andrew and got all teary.

So im absolutley exhausted and fed up, andrew has since remembered my phone number, i txtd him saying can i plz know a rough time of when youll be home, jacks desperate to see you and i dont intend on sitting in waiting for you, id be greatfull if you could make it for 7 and so would jack (well i am but im to tired to go out but he doesnt need to know that) he replies, asthough nothings wrong, ill be back for 7 babe, OMG i wanted to scream it took all my strenghth not to txt back dont F***** babe me! SO well now see if he actually comes through for his litle boy ant gets home on time, something hes not managed in the 4yrs ive been with him, want to rip him to shreds atm but he can redeem himself by letting me get some sleep. that and being home when hes said if he cant manage that well, i dont know if i can be bothered anymore xxx

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