aaarrrggghhh this family drive me mad!!!!!

clairemumof3

12/05/2008 at 11:42

a woman i know at josh's school also has a autistic son, hes in joshs class, has the same level of support and the same degree of autism as josh yet she is ALWAYS using his autism as a excuse for 1 - his behaviour, he runs up and hits people and she'll just turn to the parent and say 'sorry, hes autistic' she wont actually point out to her son that what HE did was wrong, 2 - her oh doesnt work as'they have a autistic son to look after' baring in mind the son is at school 6 hours a day so why cant he get off his lazy a*s and go to work, he is perfectly capable.
and they get over £1500 a month in benefits plus dont have to pay rent or council tax.
she's really grating on me just lately, i spent 2 very hard years teaching josh right from wrong, what is socially acceptable and what isnt etc, paul manages to go to work with no problem even though we have a autistic child. shes doing her child no favours by letting him use his disability as a excuse and i could go on! sorry for the rant but am i wrong in letting this bug me??

Mummyto4

12/05/2008 at 12:17

No your not wrong! Using his condition as an excuse is not on, what is it teaching the child?

emmalou22

12/05/2008 at 13:19

Your completely right!!!
Too many people use excuses in general to get their child off the hook because they can't be bothered to parent properly....oh he's tired,oh she just woke up, oh he's not well,oh she's hasnt eaten anything and in your case oh he's autistic need I go on.
At my daughters school there are a group of mums who usually hang around the gateand they have all the excuses in the world as to why their children misbehave and why they dont work.
Just take comfort in the fact that you are a great mum and obviously bringing your child up the right way.
Hope that makes you feel a little less frustrated!!

SarahH79

12/05/2008 at 13:30

Your spot on!!! It'd really bother me too

Zoe

12/05/2008 at 14:10

Like the others have said, you are right. Parents like that drive me mad.

Caroline

12/05/2008 at 14:43

I once taught a kid who had every syndrome and special need going (according to his parents). I went round to their house one day, mum is a stay at home mum and dad works part time. They had just had a 2 story extension on their house, brand new kitchen including a 2 grand oven and a grand fridge. They went through the work telling me exactly how much everything cost. A loft conversion and also a new landcsaped back garden. In the drive was a mondeo, caravan and corsa.

How the hell did they pay for it??? DSS money! They got millions of different benefits. They were considering having more kids before their lad got too old, he was 12. They knew that once he hit 16 the benefits would stop!!!

clairemumof3

12/05/2008 at 15:39

when paul got made redundant a couple of months ago we seriously considered if it would be worth going back to work as we couldnt equal his wages in cash on benefits but as we wouldnt have to pay £625 a month on rent and council tax if he was unemployed so wouldnt need as much anyway, it comes to something when being out of work is better than being at work. He went back to work as being together 24/7 would drive us both mad!!
Another point - this woman openly admits in front of her other 3 children that her autistic 1 is the favourite, talk about give the others a self esteem complex! ive seen her give the 2 oldest sweets but when the autistic 1 has ate his and wanted more she just took the pack of sweets off the other child and gave them to him!

Karen

12/05/2008 at 16:44

Thats terrible and that would really bug me. I think your right autism shouldnt be used as an excuse for bad behaviour. xx

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rileysmum

12/05/2008 at 17:26

Thats so not righ.I no a woman from the creche and her son is autistic to,she has a younger son as well but manages to cope.

rileysmum

12/05/2008 at 19:35

Mel i take it the bloke and his son moved on then.

clairemumof3

12/05/2008 at 21:08

to be honest disability is a lot of money and people are going to take advantage of it, a lot of the time they dont even check up, i get £339 a month disability for josh, we also get a higher rate of child tax credits as he is registered disabled, the money is a godsend but i dont see how i am enititled to it when what i do for josh is not much more than what most people do for their kids at that age anyway

rileysmum

12/05/2008 at 21:18

Thats just it,different disabilities get different amounts of money.
Adis dad and wife are both non workers and both get DLA as they both have diabities,and are well over weight,she's got type 2 and was given 2yrs to live last year so she wont do nothing for herself anymore.They get loads of money and help with the car but he is always complaining they have no money,it got to the point he was asking us for money when he knew we didnt have it as adi was out of work ill(he only gets paid for the time he works)
It is a cheat in the system as he could go out to work but shes a propper fat lazy wotsit.

Twin2 Emma

12/05/2008 at 21:18

Claire, i agree that it is so annoying when people use it as an excuse for a childs bad behavoir. When sophie started nursery, there was a little boy with ADHD and several other conditions that I can't remember the letters of! He took a liking to Sophie which meant that to pay her any attention he would hit, bite or pull her hair. The school handled it very well but the parents, who are lovely people usually, would never make the child say sorry as they claimed it was pointless as he wouldn't know what he was saying sorry for! thank goodness that they ended up moving him to a different school as they felt that Sophies school was too strict for their precious angel!

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rileysmum

12/05/2008 at 21:31

OMG Emma thats bad,kids with ADHA need rules to.

There was a little boy at the crech(when riley used to go) that used to pick on all the other kids,i got told a few times riley had got tough with him,they wanted me to tell him that what he did was naughty,he had just turned 2.They told me they had also told him off basically for it.I had been ther on one occasion where this boy hit a girl with a toy and no-one said a thing and when she retaliated they told her off.

It actually turned out this boy had issues with his temper and was going to a specialist during his monday crech time(no one ever saw his parents as they both worked and the grandparents had him,they could just about look after a dog let alond a toddler)no wonder he had issues.
They failed to tell the other parents this and most the kids were pulled out coz they were to horrible to him.Ok the family have a right to privacy but when your kid is being blamed for something he didnt do is realy bad.Not to mention the staff.Thankfully they have now changed,but to little to late.

clairemumof3

12/05/2008 at 21:33

joshs psychologist said you cant claim disability for adhd as health professionals disagree on whether it exists or if it is down to bad parenting! i spent 2 hard years teaching josh right from wrong with the same clear, consistant rules repeated over and over again, and teaching him what is socially acceptable and what isnt and we have come really far, he doesnt always understand what he is being punished for but i have to explain, sometimes over and over again. i think it is down to laziness a lot of the time on the parents part that is the bit that gets to me, why cant some people be arsed to do the best for their kids? they could be bothered to fill in the 40 page disability claim for though!

Twin2 Emma

12/05/2008 at 21:57

Mel and Claire, it sounds like your boys will grow up to be very kind and caring young men - pity more parents couldn't be more like you two - well done! x x

Twin2 Emma

12/05/2008 at 22:01

I'm sure that Aaron would much rather have things the way they are now than a brother who gets away with all kinds of mischief just because he has a disability! I'm sure he would feel much more left out that way.

Twin1 Tasha

12/05/2008 at 22:31

This is an interesting post and i totally agree ith all that's bben said!
I just wanted to eho what EmJ said, Josh and aaron are very lucky to have you two as mums, it really sounds like you're doing your very best for them

Caroline

13/05/2008 at 06:22

I agree that you 2 are doing a great job, if anything kids with any kind of SEN need more regular and consistent rules than "normal" kids. I use the word normal with caution!

13/05/2008 at 09:46

Claire take comfort from the fact that you are doing things properly and preparing your son for life. That woman is setting herself up for trouble in the future.

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