Are things getting to me too much?

Hi all
Please be prepared for a rant!

My darling OH is completly doing my head in. I know that most people have been in the same situation as myself and probably had more to cope with than I have, and I know that I should learn to count my blessings, but he is making things really difficult for me.

He has all these big ideas and not a clue on how it makes me feel.
He has a 'Stag Do' in a few weeks to Magaluf, it has been organised for ages, since before Milly was born, but I've never been asked if I'll manage on my own. We're hoping that his parents will be able to come over from spain, but thats pipe dreams as it is.
He went to Germany with his best mate in his TVR Tuscan, to Nurberg, last June. Just for the hell of it! Now his best mate has his own TVR, he wants to go back in October, he said that it would be a nice birthday present for him... like all I get for my birthday is a meal out, if Im lucky, last year we took Milly with us.
He just loves to make plans that involve him going away, leaving me behind, holding the babies so to speak. He cant see that I dont have friends to invite me anywhere, let alone for a weekend. I only have acuaitances, with their own children and worries to think about. He has his golf, cycling, fishing, and his car to occupy his time. I have nothing, no escape. I used to be a very independant person, very self reliant, but sometimes I feel suffocated by motherhood. I know this feeling wont last, but right now if I could wish it all away I would.

Sorry to lay this down and seem like a truly hopeless case, but I had to get it out, and even if its to a faceless computer, its better that pouring it out to him, he'll only tell me that I'm being silly, which is even worse.

Am I the only one who as felt like this?

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I think you have a right to be irritated!!

My other half likes buying footy shirts and DVDs, he has lots of both already and doesn't need any more. But still they continue to arrive!!!! My wages cover bills, food etc but NO luxuries. He on the other hand finds spare cash for all sorts of luxuries!!!

Bugs the hell out of me! Will all change with baby number 2 on the way!!!

you are not being silly at all Sally, How old is your oh? I only ask as I think the longer they are without kids the more selfish they are! Terry is wonderful, but he'd never had a relationship with anyone with kids he is now 38 and loves his own 'space' his 'naps' etc etc. He always asks me if he can go here or there, as has alot of single friends planning lads weekends away. I just say no!! It might be selfish on my part but I never go away or want to go away with my friends. I must admit he is getting better, he goes out for days but I wouldn't let him go away as its not fair on me or the kids to be honest so maybe im the selfish one!

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I too think you have a right to be irritated. It is hard enough work looking after one baby, let alone 3 and by yourself too. Fair enough if it was something that he had to do, but for him to go away and enjoy himself without a care in the world is a bit selfish.

And you surely aren't the first to be suffocated by motherhood. It is a life changing experience and we must all wish it away somedays. But i bet when you look at your three all asleep and cosy you wouldnt change them for the world.

Take care xx

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Hi Sally,

I think on the whole men's lives do not change that much when they become fathers. For the first few weeks, if you lucky months, they are very attentive and helpful, then it does wear off as life falls into routine. Whether we work or are stay at home mums the lion share of responsibility falls to us.

Since my children were babies my husband has had the odd night out but not really more than that. What annoys me is he only ever really takes care of himself. I can sympathise with Caroline, cos my husbands spends too much too, where as I have to take care of the boring stuff with my money.

Don't feel bad cos we are mothers but we are also the person we were before the kids came along (if ya see what I mean). Why not chat to him or show him what you have written? This may make him understand how you are feeling.

Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow.

Im with you on this all the way,adi still acts like a big kid and has to have the latest xbox game out,everytime he buys one i say thats 40quid for me to,to go clothes shopping and he get all irate about it.if i did keep a tally of what he spen and i spent i could probably have a small fortune.
I was v.bad when riley was born as adi was at home as he didnt work and was out every weekend with his mate and 2 girls,it realy did do my head in,i was a new mum and my hubby would rather go out than help with a baby.

His mum and him used to go bike riding every other evening,never tell me till last minute and expect it to be ok and dinner on the table when he got in.I got my bike 2yrs ago and have never ridden it.

His been moaning about money for a few weeks as we are looking to move but has said hid like to go to some guys birthday bash in a few weeks time.Like yourself and others i only go out with him once or twice a year if lucky and have been out twice in the last 3yrs with my girlfriends and that only coz they were hen nights.

My rant over,hope your feeling better anyway hun.

Im sure your doing a brill job but these men need to listen a bit more.

xx

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I'd agree with you on the buying the latest xbox game but we had a home insurance claim last year, and he got an xbox 360 and PS3, wii and the latest ipod and the latest camera and video camera, and he just had to have a 50 inch telly to play it all on. All I got out of the deal was a Nintendo DS. Like I actually have time to play on it. If all it was was games for consoles, but its clothes, cars, parts for his cars, cleaning products for his cars, he has a road bike as well as a mountain bike and complains that he dosent get out enough on them.

He's 38, we've been together for 5 years, he had a marriage and no kids, she didnt want them. So yes he had his own life with no hinderances, and nothing but himself to spend his money on.

I did feel better for my rant, but cant show mick what I've put on here, he'll flip.

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OMG sally maybe we should marry off our men together and us move in together,adi was the same with the telly,we had the money as he did some overtime last year for a while and he blew it all on a 37inch lcd t.v high def.

Just another quick rant,my mil rung while i was washing my hair demanding i take riley to her as she had to nip to the shops,said i was covered in bubbles and couldnt so she sied and said ok.She then turns up,im just about to get rileys coat on and she says dont bother we will miss the next bus anyway,then has the cheek to use my home phone to call her daughter to say they will be late(not my fault).So as its raining rileys asks for his jumper and jacket,she then says i wont tak the buggy and is he in a nappy, for f***k sake his toliet trained and we havent used the buggy in almost 6mths.Anyway i get him ready as she say they can cathc the next byt in 15 mos and she then wants the reigns(dont fit havent since last year)she makes me put it on him anyway and say he dont need his jumper which is why the reigns dont fit and to take it off him.I tol her he asked for the jumper and im not taking it off.

Anyway they have left with riley wearing pull up pants(raahhhh!!)and the bloody reigns on heading to her daughters for the day.Then she says she dont no when she bringing him back,i dont mind that but ive now had to cancel a hospital appt at 5:45 as she cant be sure when she will be back.

Rant over at mo till i chew hubbys ear off.
Thanks for being paitent and reading.Im off out now to do some food shoppig.chatsoon.

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lol sounds like a mil from hell... i know that when my in laws were here it drove me mad when they would go out and not know when they would be back, when they were back i could guarentee that they wouldnt have fed milly or changed her all the while. despite her saying they would only be an hour.

Well i left this post open on the computer and micks just ignored it

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Deep breaths .....
Oh Emma. What an absolute cheek! If my MIL dictated to me like that I think I would have to risk a falling out.
Hope your shopping trip helps you to calm down.

Emma, what a nightmare!!!
My MIL to be lives in Portsmouth so I have no chance of having problems like that! I would also tell her if she overstepped the mark!!! From your post it appears that she doesn't really know her own grandson, and there is no way you should have cancelled the appointment!

Hope you have a good day!!

Blimey Emma I am glad that my mil lives in Eastbourne. She has very little to do with the kids. When we went there a few weeks ago (she has only been to us when my daughter was born and the childrens Christenings, bear in mind my children are 9 and nearly 7) she never even offered us a drink we had driven for 2 hours! she sends cards and presents for their birthday's and may call once every 4 months to see if we are all ok.

My fil is even WORSE they are divorced and we haven't seen him for about 5 years. My poor husband didn't do well in the parents stakes. Never mind he has us

My mum and dad on the other hand are fab, fab, fab with the kids. They do the school run when I am at work and look after the them if we ever go out (which is rare).

Im feeling alot better now,Shopping wet well and i had a nice luch and cuppa.

Shes always been like this,i got a comment a few mths ago when he was throwing a hissy fit,i ignore him and he wont do it again,she tryed to tell me how to bring him up and that all 3yrs olds do it.Im not stupid and no what im doing i migh be a first time mum but ive seen 2 brothers and 1sister grow up from births so i no what im doing(sometimes).

My fil is usless beyond a doubt,my parents do get e sometimes but are always there to lend a hand.

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Glad you're feeling better after your shopping trip now, Emma

I can't believe your mother in law behaved like that Emma, is that normal though? She is lucky she has such a gorgeous grandson! X

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Yeah she is,get this she has just this minute buzzed as shes just got him home,im fuming as his usually in bed by 7:30-8ish.Its gonna be one heck of a night i can tell ya.

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Emma thats not on is it? I hope at least he's had a good day and has had his tea and everything and not too hyped up for bed xxxx

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Oh he did have a good day,showed us all his shells he'd got at the beach,the half ton of sand in his trainers(if id known they were going to beach i would have sent wellies)and he got a late easter egg which he kicked up such a fuss he had to eat it and in the end never went to bed till gone 10pm.

Thats not what got me,she never came in,diddent want me moaning at her and worst of all riley came home in a NAPPY.!!! SCREAM!!! SCREAM!!! SCREAM!!!
She does does not listen,and obviously didnt listen to riley as he would not went in pull ups,he always aske for the toilet.

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Oh Emma thats naughty. poor little man must be a tad confused. Its pure lazyness on her part.

Glad he had a great time though.

Emma that's terrible. I am so lucky that i don't have in-laws to worry about. Ian's father died years ago, he got on really well with him, but he doesnt see his mum.
He rung her to tell her she was having a grandchild and she changed the subject. She doesnt even know Hollie is a girl, that she has been born, and has never and never will see her. Ian has told me if she sees him in town she will just walk past and ignore him. But at least Hollie has a great set of grandparents my side and 5 aunties, 1 uncle and a bunch of cousins that love seeing her.

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