Choosing your baby

i tried to have a boy and got a girl lol, done all the natural methods to, well they never worked!

anyway soon as you have your baby you don't give a stuff anyway, i was dead set, and soon as i held her i never cared. but was shocked to see she was a girl when she came out, i just kept saying "it's a girl" over and over again. i was so certin the methods would of worked and they never.

This is one of those tricky questions that people feel strongly about for one side of the argument of the other.  I am not so against this form of playing God as others.  I think there are some very compelling reasons why you would want to have one sex over another which you can't argue against, for instance Huntingdon's disease can be carried by women but only affects men, for affected families it must be a great gift to be able to have a child and know they won't be ill and die prematurely.  However, just because you fancy having a girl or boy and then go through scientific processes to choose the correct embryo is not right, although again a family of all boys or all girls there is a case.

What I don't like is the thought of someone having a baby to use as 'spare parts' to save a sibling.  You wonder if that second child would ever have been wanted had the first not been ill and if it will be cherished in the same way as the first.

BUT... for those who wanted a particular sex of child and end up with the other, I think most sane mothers would see a baby, all pink and cute and wrinkled and crying, and fall totally in love and the idea of disappointment would just evaporate.

Hubbie and I wanted a girl.  We went through the natural methods and ended up with the girl we wanted.  Are we awful for doing this? 

Is choosing the sex of a baby worse than say going for IVF in the first place?  If you have the baby you are given, suggesting that let Nature take its course, what about IVF?

Sorry for the long post, in the mood for talking.

Hi Mel.  We didn't do anything startling.  We read alot and determind that sperm with the Y chromosome are generally fast swimmers but with no stamina and die more quickly than the X chromosome sperm, therefore, to up your chance of concieving a girl, you coincide your fertile period with the time that the Y are gone and the X are left.  A lot of sex helps, several times a day kind of sex...  I don't know if what we did made any difference, but, we had nothing happen in 15 months and then, with all this in our minds, we went on holiday to Spain, far fewer pressures, more time together, hubbie joined me at the villa after I'd been there for a fortnight, and it all fell into place.

I was and still am over the moon to have a girl, it meant a lot to me.  I adore her, I still get a grin on my face when I go shopping in the pink sections.  But I don't love my son any less for it, in fact I feel he needs me more than she does, certainly in a different way and when I have them together he gets more of my attention than she does.

I have friends who want to try for number three because she wants a girl, and I do worry how she will feel if she has another boy.  Had number two been a girl, they would not be going for number three.

I think this is a really interesting topic and makesa change to have a good debate!

I think i always felt i'd want a girl and at 20 weeks into my 2nd pregnancy found thats what i was getting,  I had  fancied the idea of Ethan having a brother something hubby had never had but was over the moon and felt very blessed to get one of each so easily but whatever i had been given was a blessing in itself.  Either way it just doesn't matter once that baby is placed in your arms, Amber was 10 minutes old before we even checked she was indeed a girl! I do adore being able to buy girly clothes and putting ambers hair into bunchies! But like Nicolette said i've noticed that Ethan needs his mummy for emotional support more than amber even though she's still a toddler, he needs far more cuddles and is sat on my lap as i write this!

I think trying natural ways of selecting a baby is fine and very interesting to see if any of them work but messing with nature is completly different i believe strongly that everything happens for a reason so what happens when you change that? Like the others have said we should all be eternally grateful for being given any child at all and if you get 3 boys or 3 girls, well thats just amazing!

Nicolette, i have to say i feel slightly differently than you about a sibling being born to provide something to save the older child, often stem cells from the umbilical cord i believe. Deep down i think if one of my children were desperately ill then i would possibly do anything i could to sacve them and i was lucky enough to have a bqby who had saved my elder childs life then i certainly wouldnt think of them being born for spare parts but be forever thankful that they have provided such an amazing gift. However i think the fact you can now preserve a babys stem cells when they're born for a 'just in case' saves any of this moral concern! (i think it costs a bomb to do though)!

Tasha xx

I repsonded to this last night but it appears to have vanished!!! So here goes again!!

No, No and No again!! I know of people who tried natural methods of choosing their sex and got their hopes up big time, only to be disappointed!

Those of us who can have children naturally without needing any help should be thankful, those of us who have healthy babies again should be thankful! Having a baby is a lottery, we should be happy with what we get! Children are a blessing, boy or girl!!

I know of 2 sisters who have some genetic issues with babies, one sister can only carry healthy girls and the other can only carry healthy boys. I can understand someone not wanting to give birth to a baby knowing that they could carry a genetic problem which would cause an early death, but surely playing God isn't a great idea! What next? Hitler tried to bring about a blonde haired, blue eyes race. The Chinese have killed thousands of girls as boys are seen as more valuable. Do we really want to end up in a society where people can choose what sex they have!!

I think it depends on the circumstances. My nana had some kind of issue where she had problems carrying boys.

She fell pregnant with a boy and he was still born. In those days they didn't have the technlogial advances we have these days so she didn't have an option to choose the sex of future babies!

She felt stongly that she didn't want just one child - so that when something happened to her and my grandad her first born would still have someone left. Which as it happens is something I feel strongly about as well. So she had to take the risk that it may happen again if she concieved a boy.

I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through still birth so in her case if it had have been possible I think she would have been fully justified in her choice. She was lucky and the next was a girl so it worked out ok.

I don't know the ins and outs of it all; I just remember as a kid it was something we were never allowed to talk about. The only reason we ever found out was becuase my brother was given his christian name because that was my nana and grandads surname so it was the closest they could ever become to carrying on the family name.

However without 'exceptional' circumstances I have to say I don't agree with choosing the sex of your child.

I have a friend how struggled to carry boys and as a result had several miscarriages each one as heartbreaking as the first.

When she fell pregnant the last time she was closely monitored and also given daily drugs to keep the baby alive incase it was a boy - well at her 20 week scan she was told it was indeed a little boy but had so many complications until he was born very early - she has two girls which were smooth pregnancies.

I think for someone to have to go through that the idea of genetic screening has a plus but in general I dont think anyone should be able to play god and decide what they do and dont want.

I'd be happy just to have a baby right now as would quite a few girls on here - boy or girl - I dont really care - I think as long a baby is healthy that should be everyones main priorites (sp)

i think it's a really thought provoking subject.. and agree with most people that apart from exceptional circumstances we shouldn't meddle with nature.. although in a world where technology is getting more and more advanced, you wonder what will be exceptional in the future...? for example, what do people think about babies born at 24 weeks who are put in special care at an extreme cost to the nhs, and most of the babies go on to have lots of complications and in years previously would have just died.. should the money be spent on cancer etc.. instead?

it's a really interesting subject and so many shades of grey and emotions involved i don't think there will ever be true rights or wrongs.. i would love a little girl this time round, mainly, as mel said, to buy lovely pink baby clothes! probably not the best reason for a girl! but the main thing is that's the baby's healthy and it would be lovely for ben to have a brother.. my cousin has been trying for a baby for a few years now, so we feel so blessed just to be pregnant again..

you have to wonder though.. in 50 years time, if there was a simple, free, easy way to pick a boy or a girl for your child, how many people would?

Wow what a subject,like you all say it would have to be majoy medical probs to be alolowed to choose the sex(if having treatment)but the natural selection should just be extra fun rather than only wanting a one sex child.(if that makes sense)

Cherly like your nan my mum could never carry boys,she lost twin boys just b4 birth and miscarried a few to and was told she would never carry boys,she had 3 girls then met my step dad and after 2 failed pregnanceys had my brother,the my youngest sis then anoher brother.  As time went on and me and 2 sisters went on to all have boys we used to joke about not being able to carry girls,then my brother has a daughter,we said it broke the chain(iykwim) It was always a laugh but i dont think any of us would change that.

You get what your given and like caroline says we should be thankful for a child if we able to concieve naturally.

This subject is one thats very impportant to me as after having 3 wonderfully, fantastic, gorgeous little boys i would love to have a little girl and my husband and me will b trying some of the natural methods to try and have a girl next time around, as for ivf to chose the sex of your baby im totally in agreeance that it should be used for medical purposes but am currently undecided about wether it should be allowed to be used for gender preference, i can see both sides of the argument but i think if someone offered me the chance to choose the sex of my next baby id probably  take the opportunity. But i am so grateful that i have my 3 little boys and given the chance, wouldnt change them for anything, theyre the best thing that ever happened to me and i love them so much!  i think its a matter of personal opinion and dont think that people should judge each other for their choices on the matter.

This is a subject that I have thought about often. My mum's mum had my mum first, a strong healthy girl and then she went on to have nine boys who all died shortly after birth. My mum grew up as an only child who had to watch the heartache her mum was going through. mum was never close with her mum because she felt resented for being a girl and surviving. Her mum used to say nasty things to her about it to hurt her " I only ever wanted a boy and I ended up with you". 

Their relationship broke down totaly when my mum was 16 and gave birth to a healthy baby boy! (he has his fifth child on the way now!)

I wonder how much happier my mum;s childhood would have been if medical science could have stepped in?

For me though I have two healthy boys and I have been told that the baby I am having in two weeks is a girl. I have bought lots of flowery clothes and am looking forward to putting her in them. if she turns out to be a he, I will be anoyed that I wasted all that money, but not upset that I didn't have a girl.

on a personal note the thing that I worry about the most is not the gender of my baby but if they will be able to see. My dad, sister and I are all blind and each child I have has a 50% chance of being blind too.  Both my boys can see and I can't help wondering if I'm tempting fate by having another baby.

I am not at all worried about how I would feel if she can't see as to me it's not a big issue but I am worried about how she will get treated by others. I have been hurt many times by people who have issues with disability (I have tried to explain that I am just the same as everyone else except my eyes don't work well but people behave as if it's catching sometimes)

I worry if I have a right to put someone else through that kind of prejudice?  99% of the people I meet treat me the same as everyone else which is the way it should be but there are a few people who just don't get it