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Crashing and burning...

,,, lola wont sleep

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x.Laura.x

12/12/2008 at 16:53

I need some advice ladies,

Lola wouldnt go to sleep until 6am last 'night' and that was only because andrew took her for a walk! shes continued to be a nightmare all day and screams uncontrollably if we lay her down or move slightly when shes asleep on us, andrews lost his patience over it all and evry night it boils down into a spat tears and another night with no more than an hour or so. We have tried swaddling, rocking, a swing etc she will now take a dummy but only for andrew but still wants to sleep on him, he thinks im being lazy but if ive got her at night she just wants to feed and sometimes i need a break too this is sooo hard and its affecting jack as i can barely get up im soo eexhausted today none of us are even dressed and shes always feeding at his meal times bed times etc so im missing out on him, i just feel like an awfull mum because sometimes i just want to be left alone! Ive now introduced a couple of ounces of formular at night after a feed from me so she isnt cuddled so tightly whilst finshing a feed and its easier to lay her down and now thats not working,

I know i sound like a whinge but i am struggling and just cant enjoy either of my babies at the minute

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theoldwomanwholivesinashoe

12/12/2008 at 17:18

Just a thought,cos it happened with Arwen,but there was something I was eating gave her belly ache.Probably not ,but it does sound like you're doing everything you can.And believe me you're not a bad Mum if you just want to be left alone.Also found when I was tired my milk supply decreased.Don't worry about not managing to get dressed.I have those days all the time.Can you feed her in bed or at least somewhere comfy and safe enough for you to sleep while you do it.I used to get myself in bed about ten at night and feed/sleep till Baby dropped sound asleep,telly on really low,light also very low,Darren just got used to that.At least we all got some sort of sleep.It was better than nothing.Anyway hope you get a bit of a break this evening.Hope it doesn't last.

Zoe

12/12/2008 at 17:25

Hi Laura,

I'm sorry to hear Lola isn't sleeping well. As the mum of a little girl who is nearly three and still doesn't sleep through the night I sympatise with you. If I was you I would take her to your gp on Monday or if you are really concerned go to your out of hours surgery to get her checked over. If she's ok then at least you can put your mind at rest.

Have you tried bathing her in Johnsons lavender baby bath? It does help as does the lotion. It's worth a try if you haven't, it really does soothe them.

Take care, xx

Kas

12/12/2008 at 19:10

oh Laura, you do sound a bit down at the minute. im sorry you arent having luck with lolas sleeping. have you spoken to your health visitor?

also, have you ever tried baby massage?? thats abslotuely amazing, your mw or hv should be able to suggest classes, they are well worth it!!

sorry i cant be more help, i really hope things pick up for you soon

xxxx

Nicolette

12/12/2008 at 20:13

Hi Laura. What a hard time you are having, I'm not surprised you are at the end of your tether.

How much is Andrew around? Does he work, does he do 9 -5 or shift work? I ask because it sounds as if he needs to take on Jack until you can get this sleeping thing sorted out. At the very least, see if you can get him to do the cooking and the washing up and anything else that needs doing while you concentrate on the children and leave what isn't necessary.

Maybe you are eating something that disagrees with Lola. Try cutting out alcohol, maybe dairy, caffeine, curries, one at a time and see if it helps or not. Babies apparently like garlic so try eating things with garlic in. Does she have nappy rash? Does her tummy feel hard and does she bring her legs up to her chest? These are a sign of tummy ache. She may have colic, try the anti colic remedies. Does she have a temperature, a rash?

Try your GP, but it would help if you can give specific details and times else doctors can be unsympathetic, so facts rather than opinion helps and gives them more to work on.

Speak to someone at Cry-sis, the charity for crying babies, their website is www.cry-sis.org.uk. There will be help and advice there and probably some phone numbers to call.

I really hope you find something that works for you.

x.Laura.x

12/12/2008 at 20:31

Thanks ever so much for the advice ladies since i had my melt down on here shes had to naps in the travel cot so i had a bath with jacks which always cheers me up, I rang the hv and i got the impression she was thinkning, ''what do you expect' well i didnt expect this i know jacks was easy but blimey lolas more than oposite, im going to go to clinic monday with both children and hopefully one of the 5 there will be of some help!

Today ive not let her sleep more than 3hrs without a good feed so hopefully she wont be soo hungry at night as i think shes got days and nights back to front!

Andrew lost his job a few weeks before lola was born so hes around all day everyday and doesnt complain a bit about cooking and doing anything for jacks but i feel like im missing out on him, from a week old i cared for him full time and it was always me he wanted now he keeps favouring andrew and as childish as i sound it makes me upset and jealous.

As for the food one, i dont drink anything but water and squash occasionally and cant stand spicy stuff well cant even handle mild curries lol! I will try the garlic one though!

I did a baby massage course with jacks wasnt sure if she was too young? as i hav the johnsons lavendar massage cream (and bubbles) which works on jack like a dream!

Oh and weve also just brought some infacol... fingers crossed as im trying everything!

Lucy

12/12/2008 at 20:37

sorry to hear you're having such a nightmare time.. sending big hugs..

everyone has given really good advice, maybe you could do a deal with Andrew where you take it in turns to have a sleep, and that way at least both of you will get some rest and when you're awake you'll be refreshed. i'm assuming he's still not working and at home with you??

don't worry about not getting dressed or being a perfect mum, i don't think there is any such thing..

good luck xx

Lucy

12/12/2008 at 20:38

ps i will probably be posting the exact same post in March...

Twin1 Tasha

12/12/2008 at 21:05

Oh huge hugs to you Laura, it sounds like you're doing amazingly well, things will improve for you hun.

amber had her nights and days back to front for weeks and would be awake for hours in the night, gillans triedto take her for me at first while i dosed but in the end we both needed to sleep so i resorted to putting her into her electurc swing to sleep at night!! It meant that she could go in straight afetr a feed while se was wide awake and it rocked her to sleep safely while i dosed!!! I felt guilty doing it and i'm suee the hv would have been horrified had she known but it definatrly saved my sanity!!!

Also , felt very much the same about Ethan getting more clingy to dady than me in the weeks after having amber, and to be honest there still much closer than when we just had him but now i'm greatful for that and enjoy the break a little!! Perhps plan once a day when Andrew will take Lola out of the room and you and Jack can do somethnig special just the 2 of you, that way you get one on one time with him and a break from Lola too (which is just as important)

I hope you're soon feeling much brighter hun xx

theoldwomanwholivesinashoe

12/12/2008 at 21:59

I used to find the more feeds I got in during the day,the better the night.We were easily up to between 8-12 feeds.The two things that upset either Arwen or Matilda,(I'm ashamed I can't remember which)were lettuce and green peppers.That was my favourite pizza out the window.She did settle really well when I ate chocolate,I suppose the high calories.Probably not the best nutrition,but we both enjoyed it,and I didn't share that with my HV.
I felt I was missing out with Arwen when Matilda was born.She was used to me doing everything for her,so when Darren was doing it I suppose she wondered what was going on.She used to take Matildas raggies and sheets,so I gave her her own ones in her cot and the novelty wore off.I did her bath and bed,cos that helped her and me cos I always like doing that.I used to leave a space for her next to me and Matilda on the sofa.She quickly decided Matilda was her "Tilda baby".
As for Jack favouring Daddy,it's probably still a novelty having him there,and it's great he's happy with both of you,cos it means you can leave him with Andrew if you need to get on,or go out.When Bridie was little she'd go to me and no one else which was very flattering but such hard work,and Arthur wasn't much better,and that was till he was 3.As Lola gets more settled you'll have plenty of time to catch up with Jack.

Nicolette

12/12/2008 at 23:54

The latest posts remind me of something that I forgot to mention - UV light, i.e. daylight, can help regulate the body clock and daily exposure to UV, i.e. going for a walk, can help sort out the day / night thing, as well as putting baby to sleep in a dark room. Bon was a bit of a nightmare but Catalina has been better, but Catalina has always had walks from almost day one as she goes on the school run. She's never really been one for sleeping through, but she's never been awake all night.

x.Laura.x

13/12/2008 at 01:02

thanks so much for the advice ladies, I got time to have a bath with jacks today and he gave me loafs of kisses so i feel a lot better!

Nicollete your post has just made me realise she slept better on days weve been out! and im now going to have it darker at night, id kept a dim light on so i can see her. shes just gone to sleep in the travel cot so im off! fingers crossed for tonight!

Twin1 Tasha

13/12/2008 at 08:22

Morning Laura So glad you seem a little brighter, i really hope Lola allowed you to get a bit more sleep last night?!!

I think Nicolatte might well be spot on with the UV and taking a walk idea. Amber simpky didnt sleep at night because she was nocturnal so anythnig to turn that around is worth trying!!! Plus a walk out will do you good too.

Take care xx

linz0209

13/12/2008 at 11:52

hi Laura,

did she sleep better last night

x.Laura.x

13/12/2008 at 12:01

Last night she slept 1-3 4-7 then till 10! jack woke at half 10 so im happy with that! i actually have the energy to get up today! She even went to bed in the travel cot (im sleeping downstairs as she wakes jack when upstairs and its just easier that way) but ended up in the swing after being sick! she does have a couple of ounce bottles in the night as she wont settle after feeding from me but if thats what it takes albeit! And it means andrew can kinda job share with me! i get her up change and feed he gives the oz in bottle then settles her! Massive thanks for all the advice and fingers crossed we can make a habbit of last night!

linz0209

13/12/2008 at 12:02

try feeding her loads in the day. even if she is not asking for it. Shell be so stuffed she might sleep again for you. Hope you have another good night.

x.Laura.x

13/12/2008 at 12:09

yesterday i didnt let her sleep over 3hrs without a good feed and in the evening i just fed her everytime she grizzled instead of trying to settle her first, think it did the trick so im going to make sure thats what we do today!