I dont know whether to leave.

I have had an absolute shait birhtday today, the person i love the most hasnt spoken to me all day. He hasnt eben wished me a happy birthday or been in the same room as me for longer than 5 minutes. This has given me a load of time to think and basically i think i should leave. I really thought that if you loved someone then you make an effort to show how much you appreciate them. I get nothing back from Ian for all the work i have done for him.

He doesn't do anything with Hollie, i am left to do it all, and it is wearing me down. I can't remember the last time he tidied up after himself, changed a nappy or did the washing up. I bring Hollie up by myself she is with me 24 hours a day, bar an hour or so build up through the day. Ian will have her for five minutes if i need a pee, or if i am doing something he will pick her up if she cries. But i get her straight back and he wonders why she is clingy with me.

My mam has offered to take Hollie and i out shopping tomorrow and for a meal as a birthday treat. She has also offered to take us back with her so we can stay for a while. I am sat here thinking what if Ian and i just split now and we go and live with my parents. I do love him but i really cant go on like this, i have said before that he needs to help with Hollie. He said things would change and he would help, but that only lasted one day. I dont know where to go from here.

Sorry i ranted but that helped a lot just to get it out. I feel like i am being selfish for even thinking about splitting us up.

Karen xx

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sending you big hugs Karen, and a HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Going to pm you xxxx

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Thankyou Nicola x

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Maybe sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel? Men sometimes need it pointing out in no uncertain terms!

Oh and sorry i meant to say "Happy Birthday"

Thankyou, i have spoken to him not that long ago about helping with Hollie. He doesnt work, he lost his job over the summer and has just recently been made disabled so cant work. So he will need to start doing things with her for me to know i can leave her and go and get a job.
The mortgage hasnt been paid and so we have been served a reposession notice for the 29th of this month. So we will have nowhere to live which is adding to the stress. That is how we argued yesterday.

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Really don't know what to say so sending you a hug x

Oh Karen i'm sending you huge cyber birthday hugs!! xxx

First of all i think you really need to take you're mum up on her offer of a treat it's not to late to save your birthday. Have a lovely meal out and treat yourself to a few bits!

I think whether you stay with your mum tonight depends on how you feel after some time away from the house if you can't face going back tonight then don't but make sure that you talk to him over the wekend as these things have a habit of blowing up and going on for so long th st there's no going back.

It is unacceptable that he gives you near enough no help with hollie or around the house, he made a joint decision with you to have a child.

I can't tell you whether or not to leave him, that's your decision but i think he and you need to have a long chat before anythings decided, remember we're here for you whenever you need.

Please please go out and try and enjoy your birthday xxx

Thankyou Tasha, my mam is in work today so we are going to go to town tomorrow. Then i will see how we feel after being treated to lunch on whether or not i want to go home with her or with Ian.

when we first spoke about having a baby he said he would do all the night feeds etc etc. Then i decided to b/feed which he wasn't keen on me doing and it is as if its his way of punsihing me for making that decision. Everyone thinks he is this great dad that does everything for Hollie, yes he did when she was teeny but now the novelty has worn off she is my priority. She has been so clingy recently, crying when i leave the room. Initally i thought it was teething and the fact she has been ill, but the more i think of it the more it dawns on me that it is because he doesnt do anything with her.

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My friend went thro something similar, her oh didn't do a thing so she packed her bags and started looking at houses to rent and said it was over even tho she didn't mean it. He was so shocked he changed and things are alot better. Not suggesting that for you but sometimes maybe a shock is needed x

i've just pm'd you karen. Couldn't agree with Tasha more. Can anyone babysit this evening so you can at least talk to him. Why doesn't he want to celebrate your birthday hun?

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Hi Karen

Sending huge hugs your way! Sounds like you could do with starting today over again!!!

I agree with Tasha that letting your mum spoil you and putting some space between you and Iam might help you to sort out your head. Maybe if he realised how serious this is, it might make him sit up and take notice!

I also think that its unacceptable that Ian doesn't help, especially as he doesn't work and is around a lot. Hollie needs her mummy and daddy, and let's face it, you need some "me" time!

If you need to talk, you know where we are!
xxxx

I take it you have blatantly reminded him it's your birthday today??! It's even wosre that he's doing this on your special day. I think as Caroline said starting the day over would be good so perhaps treat tomorrow as your birthday too and get spoilt rotten!!!! Sending you more hugs! xxx

Oh by the way, you are a star for breastfeeding Hollie and don't ever let him punish you for that! (sorry had to say that)! xxx

Think the girls have said everything, but just wanted to send you a big cyber hug xx

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Karen, I know I'm new on here but I wanted you to know my heart is going out to you. I can't believe he didn't even wish you happy birthday today. The two of you will have to have a serious heart to heart.

Have a great day out with your mam tomorrow, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
xxx

huge hugs hun. my mate just spilt from her fella for this reason, but her's started to get a bit nasty.
anyway, maybe you need to shock him in to realising that you mean business when you ask him for help?
julie done every thing for layla from the start, guess thats why it was hard for her to get lee to change, never did help, ever, he never seen why he should, his reason was he earned to the money so why should he.
hope your ok xx

karen, massive cyber hugs coming your way.
im so sorry you had a rubbish birthday. i think the girls are right in saying you need a serious heart to heart!!

it sounds like things are hard for you at the minute anyway, so maybe on top of everything else, ian not helping with hollie is just adding to the pressure. sometimes they need you to give them a kick up the bum and a good telling off (lol) before they realise how lazy they are being.

i really hope you guys get through this!! i understand you are trying to do your best for hollie, so well done you.

we are all here to chat to.
ake care hun
kas xx

ps, make sure you enjoy every minute tomorrow.

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Thanks girls, i have just sat here crying reading those posts. I will repy tomorrow as i am so shattered i am on my way to bed once i know Hollie has fallen asleep.
It is great to know that there are people i can talk to when i need to, as everyone else seems so busy with their own lives at the moment. But just writing down how i feel is helping a bit.

P.s. Tashe thankyou for saying that about feeding Hollie sometimes i am made to feel that b/feeding is an inconvenience to everyone and that i made the wrong decision.

xx

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Have a good night sleep karen and chat tomorrow.
Take care
Emma
xx

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Hey hon,

The girls have said it all really. It's horrible that he's being like this to you on your birthday (I'm hoping as I type he's got his act together)....but it sounds as if it's more than just about today.

Would it be worth staying with your Mum a few days to think things over? Maybe it woould help to make the decision?

I'm guessing the situation with the house is a major stress? Someone once said to me 'don't make permanent decisions in temporary situations' - is the housing prob making the relationship seem worse. If Ian has just been registered diasabled has he applied for DLA? I don't know if they pay mortgage but there might be some help you can get.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and hope things look up soon. x