MIL driving me mad!!!

Hi all     Be prepared for a ranting essay!!!! just need to vent!

Anyone who knows about my situation, knows how hard i have it right how. But to add into it all I have my mother and father in law living with us. MIL (J) has 'been there, done it better' than me, on just about everything. Her eldest was 2 when she had her twins, which is exactly the same as having a 10month old and twins, isn't it!!! Even when I go away for a few days (well deserved and well enjoyed) she looked after the my kids better than I ever could. Not said in so many ways, but constantly correcting me - 'thats not how I did it'.

Now last night she went out before tea, last minute notice, after me cooking for all of us. She didnt go far and wouldn't normaly have a problem, but she promiced me and the kids she would be home as soon as her other grandkids go to school. So the kids are up before 7, and I think, no worries, they will be back in a few hours... No - she turns up at 12pm, saying she'll take the kids out. Not only that, but they are in bed, they havnt eaten, they are in 'stay-home' clothes. Not really ready to just pop out the door, and they are completely oblivious as to how annoyed I am at the whole situation.

 My kids are on a tight routine, they sleep mid morning, for an hour. They eat, play for a few hours, and go back to bed mid afternoon for 2 hours. They eat again and play for a few hours and bed again at 7pm. The twins have only just started sleeping through and this is what I have put it down to. On their way out I ask them what time they will be back. J answers about 4. I ask her when the kids are gonna sleep as its important for them to get 2 hours. She thinks that the sleep that they get in the car and buggys is suficiant..... GURRRR. They dont get up during the night if the kids wake, they dont get up early (5am) with the kids. Granted I havnt had to put the vacume cleaner on, or wash up 5-6 times a day, but its an absolute nightmare!!!

They hadnt packed the nappy bag, didnt have drinks, didnt have dummies, so I had to run around sorting them out... now Im sat here fuming at the whole situation, rather than doing something calmly constuctive, and will problably end up chewing someones head off at the supermarket now!!!!!!

 Thanks for listening lassies,
Sally
xx

P.S. Lovin the new smilies!

hey sally,

must be very frustrating, don't know how you cope with her living with you full-time - sounds horrendous! i have a similar problem with my mum, but only have one child, so must be a lot worse with all your little ones under 2!

it's really hard when you try so hard with routines to have them disrupted - is there anyway you can sit down calmly and have a chat with her about how you feel? they are your children after all, not hers!

are they living with you forever?!

I've tried everything, they came back nearly 3 months ago, and I told them at the begining what the routine was. Even had a supernanny style poster up with times and activities, i explained how important it was for me to keep to it. Then yesterday she even said that she just takes over and its up to me to tell her I'm not happy with her actions, so today i told her to bare in mind their routine, and it was dismissed.

They are looking at somewhere to rent, as they can get help now they are on pension credit. But they have a villa in spain, and the house they 'used to' own is the house we own now. We were warned at the begining of the process that it would never be our house as it used to be theirs. So them staying with is a long term thing.

I've even exlained that them staying with us stops us from having a normal family lay out. We have 4 bedrooms, but the two small ones are not big enough for a guest room and we have had to keep the gest room for them... so I have Milly in smaller of the two (not big enough for a single bed), and the twins in the other, Just big enough for bunk beds, but babies not big enough for bunk beds, so is cramped with 2 cots in there.

Just gets me more and more annoyed. If I was staying with someone I would not be looking any gift horse in the mouth, and be greatfull for what I have. AND if I was told that I was the reason why the kids wernt sleeping well, or life is cramped with me around, i would make an effort to get out!!!!!!! aghh

sorry for the rant again! gotta go out and do some shopping.

it does sound like a nightmare, but at least they're looking for somewhere to rent so it won't be forever..

maybe you should try and help them to find somewhere, and leave helpful hints about the home, like local newspapers with property pages in! i guess it can't be ideal for them either.. she might think she's doing you a favour by taking them out.

you could gently remind her of the routine and that she's told you to tell her when you're not happy with her! and maybe you could make it as though you were doing her a favour by helping her find somewhere quieter to live!

you certainly have a lot to cope with, with three little ones under two and a MIL! i think i would be heading for a nervous breakdown - hope you feel better after your shop x

Sally you must have the patience of a saint, i would hate for anyone else to come and live with us longer than a couple of nights. I think it may well be an older generation thing of disagreeing with how we bring up our children, and what routines we use. As my mum too thinks I am constantly doing wrong with Hollie, and has even told me she is a "difficult" child because she doesnt sleep at night.

It sounds like you have found a great routine though if it means the twins are starting to sleep through at night now. So i would stick to your guns and make sure your mil realises how importnat it isto you. Does your husband help you and stick up for you in front of his mother, maybe if he told her she would apprecaite it better.

Hope you are ok, and can enjoy some baby free time to relax. xx

Hi Sally.  I suppose there are three ways of dealing with it - put up with it for the sake of the peace or make a stand, remind her that things have changed a great deal since she was involved with small children and to keep out of it unless she is asked for her opinion, or explain to her how important it is for you to be bring up your children in the manner you would like to, and the need to feel independent as you don't know how soon she will be gone (hint, hint) and you'll have manage alone, and if she still wants to intefere, ask her to do specific things for you and not leave too much to chance.  Hopefully she will feel she is being 'useful' and if she then does something you don't want her to you have a legitimate reason to blow your stack at her and retain the moral highground!  And while you are at it, maybe a suggestion that she should be a little more grateful for her present circumstances, and why can't they go and live in Spain?!

Respect, though, Sally, for putting up with it without killing her!

Hun sorry to hear shes being a mare. My mum has always said if you cant talk about it write a letter as its not something that can be ignored so easily as something spoken. Never really understood it as i was able to tell my mum anything but with some people there is just no getting through sometimes. Give it a go it may help.

Best of luck to you with it and yes she should be bloody greatful you are allowing her in your home atall.