Need Advice

simone

08/10/2007 at 21:14

Hi,
Just wanted a bit of advice about my Mother in law, she has just brought her eldest Grandaughter a ds lite for her birthday worth £109, she has this thing about treating all her grandchildren the same and spending the same amount of money on each! I don't want her spending that much on my daughters birthday for one i don't want my daughter to end up spoilt and two its up to us to get her the main presents. My partner has had a word with her and she went of on one, do you think i am being unresonable!

Thanks
Simone

Kas

08/10/2007 at 21:23

Hi Simone,
Thats a hard one. I dont think you are being unreasonable, but she obviously really wants to do this for them. maybe try to come to some sort of compromise. When our parents ask what the girls want, we try to give them a list of things they need, so if you gave hem a list, maybe put the less expensive things on there. ie, this Christams, we've said the girls have enough toys, so my Niamh is getting a duvet set from my mother in law. She'll probably get a few little things aswell, but its nice for the family to feel like they are getting useful things. We've found lists work really well, as nobody gets offended then.
Hope this helps a little bit.
Kas xx

Lucy-H

08/10/2007 at 21:27

Hi Simone,
I dont think you're being unreasonable because you are the parents and no matter what the issue is , other family members should appreciate your decision.
I've had issues with my mum.
Getting her to see my point of view is sometimes like fighting a loosing battle.
Stick to your guns if its what you want, but dont let it spoil christmas or cause a rift with you and your husband.

Another option is to ask her to put the money she would have spent on Jessica into a bank account for her for when she's older.

jd_mummy

08/10/2007 at 22:24

Hi simone,

I think Lucyanne is onto a winner, asking for a donation into her child trust fund is a great way for Jessica to benefit in the future

Love jd_mummy xx

Zoe

09/10/2007 at 07:08

Hi,

My mum's the same she always asks me if she can get them something, i'll say no and give a reason and she'll buy it anyway. Luckily my in laws listen to me and they like to spend the same amount of money on both. I give them a list of suitable gifts and always put money for building society account as an option. I'm glad one side of the family listens to me.

Zoe x

Twin1 Tasha

09/10/2007 at 15:24

Hi simone
My in laws have been desperate to have grandchildren for years and now they've got them
( mine are their only ones) they're determined to spoil them. They hate being given suggestions or ideas and only get what they want but i have to say i've found it easier to let them get on with it. They always check what we're getting and never get anything similar so i'm not worried. I do understand what you mean about parents getting the main presents but i personally loved doing Ethans stocking last year and think i'd have been more offended if they'd done something like that.

I also agree with lucyanne, my mum in law opened a trust fund for Ambers christening and like your mum in law said she has to treat them the same so Ethan got one too! It's one that has to have money paid in monthly so she said they'll get smaller presents at Christmas - problem solved!!

simone

09/10/2007 at 20:18

Hi,
I think i might ask them to put some money in her savings account instead. The problem with them spending that much also, is i think my mum will feel bad as she is on her own and can't afford as much as they can!

kristy

09/10/2007 at 20:28

i can see your point of veiw and i can see her's tbh. at the end of the day she wants to do something nice for your daughter and see her face light up when she gets her present. i personally would just let her do it, at the end of the day it's for a reason, it's not as if she's getting all the time so i can't see that spoiling her.

simone

09/10/2007 at 20:34

The problem is she does! mother in law seems to only be able to show love with money. If i let her spend £109 on presents it will be to much. I wouldn't mind if it was a couple of presants, but last chritmas she got her other grandchildren about 20 presants each and they were not all small ones.

Twin1 Tasha

09/10/2007 at 20:35

Ohh this is tough i can see what you mean about your mum i have that problem too but to be honest i think i agree with kristy.

DawnG

09/10/2007 at 20:40

Hiya Simone
My dad spoils Cameron rotten and puts money in his piggy bank on a weekly basis (usually £10). I've tried to tell him that it's too much, but he won't listen so now i just let him get on with it. I don't think i would be very happy though if he wanted to spend that much on a present, but it is tricky because you obviously don't want to upset her!!

kristy

09/10/2007 at 20:43

i would love that. but then again we struggle alot and i can't get my kids what i would love to get them. if someone else was going to buy them i would just say "yeh go on, drop them off here on xmas eve and they can get them in the morning" kids arn't going to know who it's from are they lol
i know thats bad.
look i would just enjoy the fact she wants to buy for her, takes the pressure of you a bit. and it's only xmas and birthdays??
my mam always say's what are nannas for.

simone

09/10/2007 at 20:43

I don't want to hurt her, i think she will be ok with putting money in her account, we really don't have alot of room for loads of toys, so at least then when Jessica is older she can put it towards something she really wants.

kristy

09/10/2007 at 20:45

simone is there anything you need for her, just seen shes still quite young. maybe a cot or junior bed? new buggy that sort of thing?

10/10/2007 at 14:34

I think maybe you could either get her to put most of the money in a building society account and get her to give her a small(ish) toy - as it's great fun to buy toys and see the reaction but a toddler or baby will have just as much fum with a cheap toy as aan expensive one or like kristy says get her to buy the next big item you need to buy like a toddler bed or a new car seat - which will save you the money.

simone

10/10/2007 at 20:17

Hi,
Unfortunatly don't need anything like a pushchair or car seat have already got it all! I don't think its so much the amount of money she is spending, if its somethink she really wants to get Jess. I just don't want her turning up with hundreds of presants.

10/10/2007 at 20:22

I personally make a list out for Zoe's birthday and christmas and luckily most of the family just ask what is on the list now. That way they don't repeat presents and she can actually get a few things I don't want to buy ( I actually got my mum to buy her bed linen last year - boring but great for me!). I put a mixture of toys ( under £20 ) and practical items on it - nothing too expensive. Why don't you suggest making a list before she's got a chance to get something?

DawnG

10/10/2007 at 20:26

That's a really good idea Boo, i might do that for Cameron this year. At least then if people ask you've got ideas to hand instead of having to quickly think of something.

simone

10/10/2007 at 20:28

Hi Boo.
Thanks for that, will start a list tomorrow. I must sound so ungrateful, its just i see my neice and nephew at christmas with loads of presents and they take it for granted. I want Jessica to value things.

Simone x

10/10/2007 at 20:28

Actually I started to make the list as people kept asking me what to buy and i had no idea and knew that i should start writing things down when I thought of them. This years list so far is...Cagoule, button up cardigan, shopping trolley, fuzzy felts, elc guitar, stencils...ect

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