I know having a newborn is hard work and tiring wtc and even more so with a toddler, but as the weeks have gone on ive felt i can cope less as things get easier ive struggled more ive tried desperatly to talk to andrew but he thinks im having a go at him, im not.
Im exhausted but never manage to get to sleep in less than an hour or more once lolas settled i never want to get up in the morning but no matter how hard i try or how quiet it is i cant lay in.
One minute im starving then im feeling sick, and im swinging from overly happy to not wanting to talk and being desperate for time alone, to verge of tears then really angry thats usually because andrew had another strop though.
i know this sounds silly but ive only just noticed, i spent the day at mums today and had a really fun time with an old family friend but near the end of the day i just felt like mum roo n mums oh were just poking fun at me, and when i asked mum for advice about jacks strops he has every evening andrew blamed me.... said im useless and all i do is feed the kids then when lolas setlled gice jack toys and ignore him, i dont i adore my baby and i dont ignore him but sometimes i just want to flop on the couch and come on here or watch tv jacks is more than happy playing and if he comes over and climbs up i do as he wants and leVae him to carry on! Ok so sometimes i tell him thats enough now and give him something new to do so hell leave me alone but i dont see andrew coming to play with him, i kno i used to alot but im shattered and i know im failing my babies at the moment i just need to stop feeling sorry for myself, im just lacking motivation for anythging and tbh when ever andrews off hand or well anything but neutral i just wnat him to go awayi dont want him to hug me i feel like ill break and loose it i just dont know but i know i need to snap out f it for tmy children i adore them and im beoing useless i spent every day taking jack for walks etc when he was a baby keeping him active and taking every opportunity this time i just dread them waking up and the drudgery starting, id been really looking forward to taking them to a christmas thing nearby but it was cancelled and i feel like thats just the straw that broke the camels back please help me snap out of this x
Laura, my godness don't be so hard on yourself. You have two babies and a house to look after, you are doing a great job believe me.
I don't have kids to look after and just to get through the housework that me, my hubby and the two dogs cause I have my ironing done for me and have a cleaner as well!! I sometimes think that I'm a bad wife who should do more myself rather than paying for help with things - then I think no stuff it no ones perfect and everyone deserves some time to themselves.
So the fact that you do all you do and look after two babies is a massive achivement, after all I can't even manage just the housework! Sending you a big hug x x
Laura, Jo and Cheryl are right, you are doing an amazing amount of work with very little sleep or help by the sound of things.
You just can't expect to get everything done perfectly on your own, and as for not paying attention to Jack I'm sure he would be letting you know if he felt ignored. You are planning things and coming up with ideas to make him not feel excluded (like the treats in a tin when you're bf) so anyone can see that you are a good mother who is concerned.
Like Cheryl says I can't get everything done in my house just looking after me and the pets! I am sitting now in a complete mess trying to get the enthusiasm to start cleaning so it's tidy for Christmas, might have to try Jo's 15 minute rule!
Also, has it occurred to you that maybe you might just be a bit depressed with all the money worries, baby worries and illness you have dealt with lately? There's nothing at all wrong with it, but if you can accept you're not superwoman maybe you won't put yourself under so much pressure.
Just remember the most important thing is to look after yourself; if you're worn away to nothing you won't be any help to your little ones. "Me-time" is not selifsh, it's essential!
thanx for all the replies, im feeling a little more myself as ive decided unless andrews saying something worth listening too ill calmly tune out and his b*tch faze will pass i have spoke to him and shown him this post and i think hes trying but afterall hes but a man and thinks of himself 1st so well see, he did give lola a bottle at 9 ithout me asking so i could sleep as shed had a hungry night and then she slept until 1.30 so im feeling refreshed after that! Jacks had a 3hr nap at the right time so has been calmer and when lola had had her huge 'lunch' feed i sent her and andrew on some errands (we live 5mins from town and he can run should she be hungry lol) and me and jack have just had a huge christmas pig out together with the christmas music up loud, discovered he loves applewood smoked cheddar!!! yum! even though it was just a, very, late lunch together its given me back my little man hes given me a massive hug and made me realise its not the amount of time i spend with him but the short amounts actually counting for something! Im feeling more positive, theres no doubt ill get weepy again later but now ive got it all off my chest had a good sleep and had alone time with jacks i kno ill get thru this all be it slowly, i do think ill speak to my doctor though instead of letting this simmer. My mums rang and said sorry for being mean yesterday, it had been one of those days where we were all having a laugh and by the end my hormonal state wasnt coping to great!
Going to wrap all the pressies tonight and watch music and lyrics with roo (my lovely mum subscribed to love film when i had lola)
really gratefull for all the support i receive on here, and hope your all well
i better be off me and jack are going to watch the snowman and father christmas whilst eating celebrations, naughty i know but we deserve it!!
sorry to hear you're having a tough time, glad you've had a nice day today we can't all be supermums all of the time - it took me ages to realise when i'm at home i don't have to be playing with ben all the time - he's good at entertaining himself and when we do play together we have fun..
you've got lots on your plate and it's just getting used such a big change - it'll take a while for a routine to get established, but i'm sure in a few months you will be fine.. plus you've got all those hormones swishing around which can't help. the others have given fab advice, especially the 15 minute rule - think i will have to try that one too! i had a meltdown yesterday afternoon as hadn't done any proper housework for over a week, but shawn's been really supportive and together we have blitzed the house today, so it's all done (until next time!)..
hope you're having fun watching the snowman and father christmas - ben and i have been watching ET, but he's got bored now, so is jumping around to cbeebies!
big hugs and hope you have a nice evening with roo xx
i know whats wrong with me, its HIM!!! andrew takes pleasure bashing my good mood out of me, hes behaving like a child! and im finding myself just wanting to be away from him more and more, Id had a lovely day and decided to bath lola for 1st time but as mum has our baby bath i got in the big one with her jack wanted in too so as lola was so happy i let him, andrew than has a sulk because hes gotta dress two babies (not at the same time jack stayed in longer) lola was well chilled and went in her bouncy chair while jack was dressed etc but andrew stil had to go on, you have all these ideas and i have to do all the work.... etc etc so any jack goes to bed and lola falls asleep so i go wash up but decide to quickly do my hair incase a baby wakes up i then forget about the bottles in the rack and sit down with a drink, he then marches through '' do we not sterilise bottles anymore'' i sigh and get up, oh thats it he sayes u f***** huff and ill do it again i tell him to shut up so off he goes, ''what have you done today'' Ive spent time with both the kids and washed up, what is so wrong with that? so anyways im loading the steriliser putting on kettles etc and hes all the while having his paddy and rounds it off with anyways your eithr to lazy or dont love her enough to even stay awake for an hour or so to feed lola! Spitefull as usual, after an hour feeding yes i ask him to give her a bottle she usually has 1oz or less and then settles its not every time but after being awake for over an hour i cant usually get back to sleep, why is he constantly bitching about all the decissions he knows i have a guilt complex about allready?? ive just stopped bothering with him he can sulk and feel sorry for himself from now on hes bottom of my priorities instead of me!
now hes come thru acting like noughts happened and is messing around WTF!?!?
it sounds like a combination of baby blues as P says, and the fact that Andrew needs to grow up.. Shawn was married with a little boy by the age of 21 and he always says it's given him good training to be a better husband second time round (his first wife and son sadly died in a car crash when his son was 18 months old). he's very good at not letting all the little stuff get to him (whereas i'm the opposite!).
try to ignore him, he sounds like he's being an idiot.. and it's just crotchety griping about chores that seems to be getting you guys down xx
Men! They just don't have a clue. At least yours does things. Mine is the expert on everything, without actually ever having done anything. He knows all the time when she needs changing, but never changes her. He knows exactly when and what to feed Catalina, but never feeds her. He will sit on the sofa or in front of the PC and shout that she's hungry, but can' t be bothered to go into the kitchen and open a jar, regardless of what I'm doing or where I am. I can't even contemplate leaving the kids with him for more than a few minutes, I tend to come back to find "she's just filled her nappy" when it is caked on and obviously been there for ages. His idea of looking after Bon is either to put him in front of Ben 10 and leave him to it, or get his mum round.
I dont think andrew can say sorry, because i sure as hell have never heard it! even when he about broke my finger in the buggy, well it was an accident!! Ok so when i accidentaly kick you later because u steal the quilt i wont say sorry.
Dont get me wrong he can be lovely because trust me i dont put up with this for nothing, although there is the whole hes there daddy bit that has held me back from saying/doing some things, my dad left when i was 10weeks and although i dont want to know him never have or felt anything was missing i feel strongly about working to stay a family as my mum told me she could have tried harder i dont want to feel like that, if worst comes to worst i want to know i did it all, and trust me in 4 yrs weve had worse than this, much worse. and we always get thru, i just think this time he needs to change his attitude.
argh everytime i say something nice hes a tw*t again!! dont know just how much more tollerant i can be? as i can feel fine until he starts and then it just runs me down into a depression and every little thing worrys/upsets/etc me, well we'll see how it is in the morning, hes got a long meeting at jc tomo so theres light at the end of the tunnel if hes a brat i know ill get a hr minimum of him out and some time with the kids without being criticised
Had a better day but it usually around 6 all the children have there paddys so im ready and waiting, both babies are settling and sleeping well now, lola slept 5 1/2 hrs!!!
The jc are timewasters, hes got to go to a meeting everyweek for 6weeks for 1hr, to see why he cant find a job... erm well there are none! Only offer hes had was working 6nights a week sorry but i know beggars cant be choosers but id rather end up living back at mums than have him working nights with 2 babies hed never see and hed be sooo grumpy, its simply not an option,
How are your lot jo, are they enjoying there holidays? I cant wait for jack to get excited and be able to watch the films do crafts etc! Oh and have you made your tablet yet??
hope you've had a better day today Laura, I think Jo's right - spending 24 hours a day with the same person can drive you nuts no matter how much you love them!! once he gets a job i'm sure he'll sort himself out.. hope you can last til then. sorry the jobcentre were useless. Shawn ended up sending hundreds of copies of cvs to recruitment consultants all over the place, and eventually found somewhere he liked doing something he likes.. the job centre were useless with him too.
I have to say when I was made redundant a few years ago, I went into the JC for help with getting a new job and they were just rubbish, insisted on making me an appointment then didn't listen to me at all as they were convinced I was trying to get benefits when I was quite happy temping for living money. All I wanted was help in finding a permanent f/t job that was close to home and enjoyable, couldn't quite get them to understand that though!
So I can sympathise, it's a rotten time to be out of work, and I know my OH is a nightmare to live with when work is not going well or things are rocky (i.e. now! It's a good job he's working away or we'd be at each other's throats I'm sure) so it must be doubly bad when you're both stuck at home with no transport.
Fingers crossed 2009 is a better year for you both x
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