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27/02/2013 at 15:13
Alcoholics, drug, gambling addictions. Can you (I'm struggling to find a word but) tolerate them? My mil is an alcoholic, she has caused more arguments, trouble and danger to herself and those around her than I care to talk about. H is the only child that talks to her, I won't see her but I do let the kids go with h every now and then. I understand some might not like me saying I let them, but that is where we are at. I want it limited as she has hurt her own so much I won't let her hurt my boys.
My dad doesn't know all the stories, he may have killed her off he did. But he thinks I should be more understanding, that its an illness. I just haven't got it in me. I'd never ask h not to see her but I have no compassion for her atal. She went to rehab and I real rallied round but it went to pot when she came out.
Just a topic for discussion if you like. I won't change my ways, I'm too protective of my family. But how do you feel towards similar?
27/02/2013 at 16:26
I'm not tolerant towards alcoholic or drug addicts. I've seen both wreck the lives of a couple of family members. I wish I was more tolerant, to a degree, but no chance if they won't even help themselves.
27/02/2013 at 17:45
I haven't got much experience of it tbh as in it "affecting" me.
My sister had a bad gambling problem from when she was about 16-22 and got herself in to thousands of debt. she went to gambling anonymous meetings etc and she's ok now. She will rarely gamble and if she does it's a fiver in a fruit machine. To be fair though she's nearly 30 and her debts from her past have really hindered as now she has absolutely nothing to show for herself. Not even a car!
One of My best friends is 23 and has a drink problem. I don't know how to handle it tbh! She goes to meetings and is getting help but I don't know if she will ever stop. She has lost both of her parents and doesn't have any family left really so I don't like to be too hard on her but I don't like it. She did get to the point of waking up and drinking a bottle of wine at 8am but admittedly she is a bit better. I think!
27/02/2013 at 18:01
My very best friend had a kind of life changing time about 10 years ago. We were out every weekend (well 5/6 nights a week), he went off to oz to 'find himself' sent me, his sister, his mum and his aunty a HUGE email about him being an alcoholic and he was gay ,we had no idea, we just thought he was kind of the life and soul of the party iyswim, he was only 21 but had drank since 13 so anyway he has been to AA every week from then (he had to go every day for I think 3 months, then it could be as and when he wanted, but he went weekly and used to contact members when he felt he was stressed etc.
Now 10 years on, his body is a temple, he doesn't drink, pays thousands for dieticians and a personal yoga tutor, he is in the gym every morning, in addition to his actual job he's an alcohol counsellor too.
He lives in oz and when he comes home we go out for afternoon tea rather than a booze up! I do laugh at him (I laugh to his face, he knows) but last year we went for lunch, I had a glass of wine with my lunch then I asked for an Irish coffee and he rolled his eyes, tutted and said 'its 2.30 you know!!!!' This is the guy who would drink sh1tloads before a night out!
27/02/2013 at 18:32
Thanks for the input ladies. It feels good to chat about it a bit as its become a bit of a no go with me and h, appart from a brief heard from your mum lately?!
Cp, your friend sounds like he has done amazingly and I can see how at a young age it would be so easy to get into, I feel until I met p and settled down that I was out and drank too much, it's a skippy slope. My tolerance for mil went when offered all the support and love and her family around her that she said no I know what it does to you all but I won't stop. She said that, so that's where my line draws.
I do wonder if people are born with addictive personalities. There are numerous people on mil's side, my bil's too that easily become hooked on things? Wether it be nature or nurture I'm not sure, I do think some are probe to it though.
27/02/2013 at 21:29
I feel the same Hun, I think you have to want to beat an addiction...
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