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23/05/2013 at 10:54
Background- Last September BIL married girlfriend so that they could move to Saudi in a family only ceremony. We were unable to go- very short notice, was booked in 2 weeks and they were ok with that. SIL not happy with ceremony, wanted big white church blessing and party the following year which is now going ahead the second week of September. We have been saying for the last 7 months or so that September is really difficult for us as E starts her new school and it is Hs busiest period in work, we wanted to give them a heads up before they booked anything. So the day of their wedding is going to be Es first day at her new school. Attendance here at school is very important- I have had to phone the Headmaster to request leave for Ella, it has been rejected as they do not allow time off school unless there is an 'emergency'. We have let BIL know all this. H has said that he will definitely be there, I'd likely have to stay here with the little ones.
Wake up to some pretty nasty messages this morning from MIL- I won't go into details. I knew this would happen, pre-warned H but he thought that his family had lots of notice from us and would be very understanding. H has said we just have to go but I am furious. More with the messages form his mother and the fact his brother has not called to speak to us before going off to moan. IABU? E will not only miss her first day, she will miss at least 2 days. We will have to fly Friday morning, blessing on Sunday, fly back Monday evening with the 2 children, spending 18 hours in airports and a lot of driving time. Not to mention the fact that it costs us £1500 for flights, £150 a night for hotel (2 nights) car hire (£250) petrol, presents, etc...
update- h is angry. Referring to it as his brothers wedding and I'm being unfair. Said he refuses to go to my best friends wedding in June in that case (stubborn and childish I know) and that I've no problems taking E out of nursery for 2 weeks to do that... I stood my ground, stayed calm and offered to speak to his family. He replied 'you will not say anything to my family' then stormed off to the bedroom... Great.
23/05/2013 at 10:59
BIL SIL and MIL can jog on. Let your H deal with them, let him go.
23/05/2013 at 11:02
What belle said. I wouldn't bother going being on the receiving end of that attitude as well as such long flights for all of you.
23/05/2013 at 11:03
No if I were you I wouldn't be going and it would be entirely upto your H if he does. I always think weddings and such bring out the worst in people
no. they are being ridiculous. you cant miss the first day of school. do not go. & i'd tell them all to b*ll*cks
that's awful. I hate family politics.
23/05/2013 at 11:04
Nope, not BU at all.
They had their wedding last year, you couldn't go, you told them September was a no no from your point if they wanted you there and they didn't listen so can't complain when you can't go as you had pre warned them.
23/05/2013 at 11:05
No way would I go after that. I'd let H decide for himself but I wouldn't drag my kids round the world for a weekend anyway, I think it's far too much to expect little kids to go through. Let alone all the other reasons.
This is what friends said this morning but I thought perhaps they were just being good friends and standing by me haha! I'm livid. I don't want to fight with H by not going so feel completely torn.
23/05/2013 at 11:07
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all and would in fact be refusing to go. You warned them that September was a bad time for you, they didn't listen. What was wrong with doing it in August? If you don't take on board people's comments about availabity then you can't be upset when said people are unable to attend. The school has refused your daughter time off from school. That would be the end of the argument as far as I was concerned.
It's not even their wedding, it's a party. MIL and co need to get over it.
23/05/2013 at 11:08
You don't have to fight with him, just tell him very simply that you are not going but he is welcome to. I think less is more with words sometimes.
How would your H take you saying its simply too much for the children to do over a few days and you fear it could cause settling issues at school for E. now your request has been declined by the school I'd feel really awkward as it would be obvious you have gone anyway?
23/05/2013 at 11:09
Not U at all, you gave them plenty of warning that September didn't suit you so tough. And as for running to MIL to moan, that's just pathetic. I wouldn't dignify them with anymore of your time.
23/05/2013 at 11:10
MM- it'll be a church blessing followed by dinner and dancing at a golf club.
I did not expect them to work their dates around us AT ALL, but I thought if they were aware that we would find September difficult, they'd be understanding when we said we could not go. Apparently not. The date is their 1st wedding anniversary so I completely understand why they have chosen it.
23/05/2013 at 11:14
QS- I've said it all to him (in text as not seen him today properly yet). I've asked him to come home early and plan to discuss tonight. I just feel bad for him as he will get a lot of stick from his mum and then I'll feel like I'm being awkward and making it hard for him IYSWIM.
It's ALWAYS that side of the bloody family.
your H is being unreasonable if he expects E to miss her first days of school ( you know when kids make friends ans settle) let alone accept rudeness from his family.
23/05/2013 at 11:15
It will make no difference to the day if you and your children are there or not. They need to get over themselves.
23/05/2013 at 11:30
i think if they are being this rude...then they should of worked it round you. you dont need this BS.
I understand what a tough one it is as you have to get your point across to your h without getting his back up that your attacking his family. Was the email being pushy or was she actually being nasty iyswim. If the latter I'd really want h to have words tbh but that decision is only your h's to be made. I'm sorry, as Carole said family politics are cr@p. Do any of us live near your MIL, do you want us to go have a "friendly" word
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