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08/07/2013 at 08:40
Please don't quote I will delete
08/07/2013 at 08:47
Honestly? You should have removed E not grabbed your nephew. But you're instincts were to protect your baby & your sister and husband have overreacted. They should have put a stop to their children's behaviour. I get very frustrated with the way my sister and husband are about their youngest, he is so badly behaved and its constantly laughed about or brushed off. I've had to restrain myself while we were visiting from saying anything that will cause problems. It's tough when you have different ideas of how to raise your children xx
I would have done the same. Pees me off when people don't take responsibilty for their own kids, and then go in to over protective parent mode, when someone else does their job for them.
08/07/2013 at 08:57
I would have done the same as you Dolly. Mine and my sisters children are younger, but both sets of children know that they do what either me or my sister tell them. We've both got similar views on how the children should behave and don't mind if either of us tell each others child if they're misbehaving.
08/07/2013 at 09:12
tbh id have done as ws said and grabbed your LO out of the way
I would probably have done the same. It's your nephew, not some random kid you grabbed - and the way you described it you grabbed him to pull them apart to stop them fighting rather than just grabbing for no reason? If I'm not around or the kids aren't listening to what I'm telling them I really have no objection to their Aunts getting involved.
Your sis has set a terrible example to her kids by reacting in that way too.
08/07/2013 at 09:23
Yes really I should of just grabbed her but they made me so mad fighting like that in front of the other kids and what would of happened if I didn't separate them? Just let them fight it out until one got hurt? My sister wasn't interested in sorting them out.
She's text me and apologised for what happened but she wasn't happy how I grabbed him and always blame him.
Not sure what to reply now.
08/07/2013 at 09:25
I would have grabbed whoever was closest. If E was closest then I would have grabbed her, otherwise I wouldn't have thought twice about grabbing one of the boys to separate them. I wouldn't have apologised either.
08/07/2013 at 09:27
I would have grabbed whoever was closest like Figaro so no you're not in the wrong. And as Sshh says he's your nephew not some random in the park. Mind you I'd probably grab the random as well if it was getting out of hand.
Hope your sister apologises and you can put this behind you.
08/07/2013 at 09:31
TBH I am p*ssed with my sister too at the moment (for different reasons). Sometimes you just have to let it go no matter how much it riles you. It's not worth getting into a row over, especially via text message. Can you speak to her face to face about it?
08/07/2013 at 09:32
Dolly,I would have done the same. I'm glad she has apologised. I think you probably hit a raw nerve more than anything and there is probably some jealousy. They probably see it as very normal that their kids fight. But they need to respect your parents especially if its their home. You could just reply Nd say you grabbed the nearest person to you to prevent anyone getting hurt. Boys can be boisterous but to them it seems normal.
08/07/2013 at 09:34
I'm hyper sensitive to this because mum works for social services. I wouldn't touch anyone else child these days, definitely not in a grabbing motion.
Honestly, hindsight's a sod. I would've liked to think I'd have removed my child way before. You could see it was getting out of control.
Hope you sort things out soon.
08/07/2013 at 10:01
Dolly, I'd probably just reply saying apology accepted and leave it at that. I wouldn't make it any worse and I'd ignore any further comments about how you are towards her children. I honestly think your sister is the one with problems, not you.
08/07/2013 at 11:01
I think that that is half of the problem these days, the kids don't have any respect because they know that the adults can't touch them or do anything!
If E was rude to an adult or disrespectful I would give her a bollocking and make her go back and apologise its a shame that some parents don't have that view these days and stick up to their kids in front of the person then setting the wrong example! (Not saying that's you beez)
I don't agree with beating children obviously but a clip round the ear for being disrespectful wouldn't go a miss for some kids!
I will reply to her later when I've thought about what I want to say.
08/07/2013 at 19:56
I didn't see the original post but got the gist from the replies and I was really with you until this bit:
DollyI think that that is half of the problem these days, the kids don't have any respect because they know that the adults can't touch them or do anything!
I so don't agree with this. Just because you aren't able to hit a child doesn't mean you can't teach them respect for others. Tonight B was rude to me and ignored someone at U's nursery. I explained to him because he had ignored her she would think he was a rude boy and did he really want someone to think he was rude and not very nice? He did go and apologise to the woman. By the time we got home he also apologised to me for being rude - all without a clip round the ear!
09/07/2013 at 05:03
I'm with you on that QI. I have only ever smacked Es bottom once- she ran out into the road, not that it justifies it but she scared the cr4p out of me and I wanted to be sure she never did it again. There are plenty of ways to discipline children without smacking them, we use time out (it's not likely to last much longer as she is getting older), we remove her favourite toys, ban the iPad for the day, take away usual treats, etc and all work absolutely fine for us. I think it is more to do with how parents do not discipline at all that causes a lack of respect from youngsters and from your OP it sounded as if your nephews don't have much in the way of discipline enforced by either parent. My parents only ever had to say 'that's enough girls' and we knew to stop as the consequences of continuing were not ideal
09/07/2013 at 09:07
Agree QI. I have never smacked my boys, yet C has an enormous amount of respect for me, and other adults.
I think smacking shows total lack of respect to the child, so don't see why, or how a child can respect their parent after being smacked.
I didn't want my boys thinking violence was a correct way of getting respect/ getting someone to do what you want etc. I only have to give my boys a certain look, and they behave.
Talking to your child about their behaviour has more of an impact than a smack. It's a shame some parents can't even manage that though.
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