General Chat, Products & Comps <
17/06/2013 at 07:21
He told B yesterday that he needs to stop wearing a nappy overnight if he wants to go and stay with Daddy.
Now firstly that isn't the reason why he isn't staying overnight with Ex. But how dare he make B feel like rubbish because he doesn't have full bladder control whilst asleep. Again.
B has a hospital appointment this afternoon and Ex will be there. I have been sick several times this morning at the thought of being in the same room as him.
17/06/2013 at 08:13
QI I think you need to pick your battles here. If this is what he has said (and are you certain that this is what was said rather than Bs interpretation) then it is unfortunate but there is nothing that you can do to make it 'right'. You can only repeat the real reason to B and reassure him. But you won't be able to solve this and I think that you have to try to let some things go for your own sake. B and U will in the long term have to work out their own relationship with their father.
I know that this is a very difficult time for you - you said that you knew these weeks were going to be a challenge. I think that for your own sake you need to focus on the battles you can do something about - like the car seat - rather than the thoughtless comments that you can't.
Remember that your ex is a numpty and you are your own woman now. And it is good that he's at the hospital appointment rather than hearing everything second hand from you which might cause other tensions. Hold your head up, whatever you're feeling inside don't give him the satisfaction of letting it show and remember that he is a prize numpty and you are worth so much more than that.
17/06/2013 at 09:21
I can't add anything to what Cedar has said. I agree whole heartedly. Chin up. Be strong girl x
17/06/2013 at 10:47
Faking it is as good as being it sometimes. Show him you're strong.
Let us know how it goes x
17/06/2013 at 14:32
What Cedar and Beez said, and let us know how you do
17/06/2013 at 18:17
CedarQI I think you need to pick your battles here.
I have ahd this said to me a couple of times on here recently and I think there is a major misinterpretation going on. I come on here to offload because I ahev virtually nil people I can do that to online. Secondly most of the things he does that piss me off I do nothign about - firstly because I did as I was told for so many years and just internally seethed and secondly as I said on another thread I am still quite frightened of him. When I will stop being frighetned of him I don't know. So I come on here to moan about him. I initiated contact about the cat approx a month ago which I shouldn't have bothered doing but for a brief moment thought he would eb reasonable as it was about an animal and they are the thingd that are most important to him.
TBH it sounded more like a Grandma-ism but I did hear him say something similar to B back in November but he obviously has no idea what has been going on here with regards trying to get B dry through the night and the torture of getting up three times in a night to change a wet bed. Also the trying to reassure B that it isn't because he is a baby and then having him need to spend the night in my bed because he was so anxious to sleep on his own.
I'll waffle on about the hsopital appointment in a separate threas
17/06/2013 at 18:23
Sorry for being naive QI but what is it that your scared of? Is he physically/mentally abusive?
What makes him this powerful human being that makes you physically sick?
17/06/2013 at 18:44
QI you will stop being frightened of him eventually, and you are doing a great job of being a reasonable adult for the childrens sake. It is a rotten thing to say to B whom ever it came from and if a grown adult can't stop to think that not being dry at night is probably distressing for a child then they really aren't very aware of others. Further to this as a parent it shouldn't matter to your H if he is dry at night or not for a sleep over and I would find the remark infuriating for many reasons.
I know it doesn't help right now and it has been said before but with time B and U will remeber things H as done/ said and will form their own judgements about him.
The being sick must be rotten for you I would suggest trying some breathig tips etc but I am guessing you have probably heard all tha before
17/06/2013 at 18:50
Lauren there is no PM system on here but there are things that I am not going to mention on a public forum.
Drifter thank you. I know it will take time, but things get betetr every day and once we are in our own home it will make a massive difference.
17/06/2013 at 19:19
It must be horrible QI, I really feel for you keep being put in these situations with him.
What drifter says is right, it shouldn't matter what B does or doesn't he should still have him sleep over. Sorry I don't have any better advice for you but I hope everything improves. X
17/06/2013 at 19:56
QI deafinately keep focusing on when you get your own home that is free of H associations.
Feeling scared of something or someone (especially when part of your brain tells you you shouldn't) is a paralysing feeling and I think you are doing a fab job. Am I right in thinking you still have no contact / relationship with Hs parents? Thus they aren't a route to discuss what is and isn't fair/ right to say to B and U
17/06/2013 at 22:36
Oh dear, he's a delight again isn't he. Just remind B that it's something outwith his control and it's sad that his daddy doesn't remember that.....
18/06/2013 at 10:33
If he did say that to B then he is an ***.
I don't know what makes you frightened of him, and I understand how difficult it is to talk about. Years ago I was with someone who was emotionally and physically abusive. He was a gaslighter - the lot. Telling a child they need to adapt their (uncontrollable) behaviour in order to be able to spend time with a parent is a bit emotionally abusive IMO so I can see why alarm bells are ringing for you. When I worked out that I wasn't actually scared of my twunt of an ex it make him the weak one because he no longer had any power over me. I hope you can get into that position one day QI.
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