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24/09/2010 at 18:39
I am working on a feature for MFM and I need your help!
Have you ever felt like you were being 'baby bullied'? By this I mean, parents, grandparents, friends with children all saying the immortal 'when are you going to have children?' the minute you met your partner or got married... If so, how did it make you feel?
Or did you reach a certain age and relatives and friends start causing a 'baby panic' telling you that time is running out, making you feel pressured to defend or explain yourself?
On the flipside - are YOU a baby bully??! Do you constantly ask your child-less friends when they are going to get pregnant (the second they shack up with a guy...)
We'd love to find out your experiences, whatever they are, for a feature - so don't be shy!
Look forward to hearing from you all.
We've also got this discussion in full swing on our Facebook page, so feel free to join in here.
Kyrsty @ MadeForMums x
24/09/2010 at 18:42
There is a man in my work, and I was talking to him a few days ago. I know he has no children and he's in his 40's. We were looking at Jack (my 16 month old) and I said to him, 'When will yous be having children?'
He replied, ' Me and the wife broke up 2 weeks ago.'
26/09/2010 at 18:44
the only thing i have found is that since charlie has hit 2 yrs old alot of people keep asking me when the next one will be coming along or that they are surprised we dont have another one already, i just brush it off and say when we are ready the next one will come along but for now charlie is keeping us busy:0)
i'm probably just as quilty of asking my friends when the next one will be coming along and probably ask my friends who have recently got married when the sound of tiny feet will be approaching, but i think that is something we are all guilty of now and again
26/09/2010 at 19:53
I was asked by a friends mum when my ds was about a week old when i was having another!!!! we had only got out of hospital as he was premature and struggled to feed.
well five years down the line I'm asked regulary when we are having another, do people not realise that :-
a - you may be happy with just one
b- you are unable to have another or
c - you may be struggling to conceive.
Maybe i'm a bit sensitive as we are constantly being asked and i sometimes feel guilty saying that due to an operation just after ds first birthday we don't now if i can have more. and the looks when you say you don't know if you can have any more they look at you as if to say well you've had one, infact a couple of people said it out right.
My dh wants to start telling people outrageous stories to see their reaction - his favourite thought so far wanting to tell people he is unable to perform in the bedroom!!
26/09/2010 at 21:58
Karel,let him!!!!!! Just to see their faces!!!!! lol
Must admit at the moment a few of Ians friends have asked him if telly is broke,I nicked a line Jo (the old woman who lives in a shoe ) often quotes to busy bodies,yes we have a tv,but it's been stuck on porn channel last 3 years! Some eyebrow twitching at that one!!
I try my very best not to ask anyone just married or anyone with children when the next is coming along,as I had probs ttc I find it insensative. As we know we're having another boy,we get are you trying for a girl? quite a lot,no actually I'd like a 5-a-side team,but if you said that they'd think you were overcompensating your dissapointment of having all one sex!!!!!
I try very very hard not to be a baby bully,as too many well meaning friends can upset us so easily!
27/09/2010 at 13:17
I know what you mean - soon as Harry was 1.5-2 people say are you having any more! Some people do mean it in a harmless way - others are just really nosey! There is one lady in my office that continously asks people, are you going to try for children, are you going to have any more! The trouble is she is so open and will talk about anything and everything without any embarassment or worries so she expects others to be the same but we are not.
But After waiting for 5 years for harry I wanted to make the most of him, now he is 3 and he needs me less I can hope we may be blessed with another - within the next year or so but I am heading towards 40 and dont want to be pregnant after that really, just personal choice.
I do hate it when people always expect you to want a baby of another sex if you already have a boy you should then want a girl - why!
and dont get me started on people saying oh no I am having a girl/boy I really didnt want a girl/boy - that is so wrong! Be Happy you are blessed with a happy, healthy baby - to say you would like to have one sex or the other is one thing but to be truly upset about not having one of each is ashame.
My sister has two boys and would be quite happy if she had another boy!
After I had been married a couple of years people would quite often ask if we were going to have children - I like to keep my personal life personal so would avoid directly answering the question! It is hard
27/09/2010 at 13:32
my son is 14 weeks and before we evan left the hospital we were asked when the next one would be! also i always get... would you have another considering the difficult birth you had. i had an unexpected section however there was nothing difficult about it other than recovery i never went into labour and the c section was booked as my son was breech discovered at 39 weeksQ
its really quite annoying it's the topic of every conversation whenever i go to the MIL's house and especially since my SIL had a baby 5 weeks ago we now get told well ange isnt having anymore so its up to you to bring more grandchildren to the family talk about pressure!
27/09/2010 at 22:20
I'm always being asked the opposite,I've had people actually say,not ask,you're not having anymore are you?Damn rude I think.We have 7 kids,we didn't just pop them out,one after the other cos we haven't worked out what's causing them.My MIL resents every child we have as it takes attention away from her and she always manages to bring conversations round to whether we won't have anymore will we.
So we get the anti baby bullies,but you have to let people be who they'll be.Whether you want none, one or twenty one babies that's your business,I'd certainly never badger anyone about their choice.
28/09/2010 at 19:26
29/09/2010 at 08:09
05/10/2010 at 17:53
I think its a bit of a running theme really. When I got together with my partner, we kept getting asked 'so when are you getting married' and 'when are you having babies'? My mum kept reminding me that I was 'getting on a bit' (I was 27!). Then when I did get pregnant, and it was unplanned, everyone asked 'when is the wedding?', epecially my Mum who then declared that she always assumed I would be married before babies came along.
Throughout the pregnancy, everyone commented on my weight, my appearance, how big/small the bump was, did we know what we were having, were we happy with what we were having...
...and since he has arrived, from two days after he arrived in fact, we've been being asked 'when are you having the next one!!?'
Of course, since we already have a boy, everyone also assumes we will be trying for a girl, as well... And I must admit, although I usually try not to, that I've probably done the same thing myself on occcasion...
07/10/2010 at 11:32
Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who shared their baby bully experiences!
I have written the feature - check it out!
We can always rely on you ladies to give us a giggle and share your niggles - so massive thanks to you!
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