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12/03/2013 at 13:18
Kelif's post got me thinking.... do you have much help from family and friends for child care?
Recently I have really struggled to find people to have them. My mum was meant to have them on a couple of occasions and has cancelled. Big R's godmother has stepped in on both times to help out. I always feel awful asking her though, she has no responsibilities at uni and why would she want to be stuck with my kids. She such a great best friend and ALWAYS offers. She is there 100% for the kids and I know I'm very lucky. I have a big family and they always say they will, but I'm not sure if they would when it came down to it iyswim. I was really upset with my mum, its so unlike her but shes just takes on so much with work and her volunteering she never has anytime. I wish she would slow down, my dad has just retired and they should be enjoying doing things together but instead shes so busy. (sorry off the subject there!) H family never offer, we have asked MIL a couple of times but she has said no in case she is busy and doesn't want to commit. It's not so bad when its just an evening as I can put kids to bed and go out after so theres nothing that needs to be done, but when its a day time thing I have found it really hard.
12/03/2013 at 13:19
please dont quote my part as I may delete later. PJx xx
12/03/2013 at 13:23
We don't have any family living nearby to help us out or babysit. My eldest son is 7 and we have only been out together (me and OH) a couple of rare occasions in all those years. We also pay over £9,000 per year on childcare so I can go to work.
My mum does come and stay e.g. if the kids are ill and we have to work
But it would be nice to have someone nearby who could maybe just have them for an hour or so if I need to do something
Oh well, as my mum says, I wanted all these children so now it's up to me to look after them
12/03/2013 at 13:24
I can only count on my mum for (unpaid) childcare but, like you, am conscious of not asking too much from her as she needs her own life. Others offer but then never follow through or I wouldn't be comfortable leaving all three of them with one person who doesn't know them well as they are a bit of a handful together! I figure it will get easier for others to have them as they get bigger.
12/03/2013 at 13:34
My parents and my Hs parents look after our two a day a week each. We know that we are extremely lucky to have this and so as a result don't really ask them to do any evening babysitting so don't really go out anywhere together.
12/03/2013 at 13:35
My Mum is ace for looking after my boys.
She has C every Saturday, and a few times a week during half term. She also takes him away for 2 weeks every year. My Dad will come and baby sit if H and i want a night out, we ask him to do that about once a month. My Dad loves it, as he can watch Discovery channel.
My Mum has started to take J for a few hours on Saturdays, from 11 to about 5, and she said she'll start having him over night soon.
My Mum works in the evenings, so she'll have j during the day if i need her to (like when I have meetiungs at C's school). she only lives 5 minutes up the road, so it's very handy.
12/03/2013 at 13:37
Nope, none, nil, nada hence me being up since 5.30am yesterday, doing a nightshift and not having had a sleep today so I'm on the redbull! Its bad times when you realise that on Monday at 5.30 am the next time you will get a sleep is weds around 9ish ,
We have a childminder who has Isaac 18hrs a week and L 10hrs a week, my sil will do the very odd morning so that's how I'm managing a sleep 9-1 on weds as she's going to have Isaac, FIL we don't want to rock the boat yet, we are hoping he will have a monthly sleep over with the grandchildren (3 of them) more so for him than us after mil dying, he won't have Isaac whilst he isn't toilet trained though.
I have 2 possibly 3 friends who would have Isaac if I was desperate. But he has the pox ATM so is in quarantine. My friend L says when I'm on a night shift she will have Isaac on a Friday morning till my h can pick up at one so unfortunately il never do nights again or I'd have bit her hand off for this over the past few months. My friend S would maybe help if I asked her.
I really want to go away for 2 nights to hestons restaurant later on in the year but don't know if they accept kids , FIL is organising a day out to Chester races and obv we both can't go due to childcare so iv offered to have niece so sil bil and h can go in the hope sil returns the favour and we can go to hestons, I'm sure Itl all blow up in my face though
Anyway enough rambling I'm buzzing my t1ts off on red bull and coffee so feeling a bit chatty
12/03/2013 at 13:38
I only have my mum to rely on for looking after kids if I need to do something. I have 3 young children so don't feel I can ask anyone else to have them. I had to go to a funeral the other week and asked 3 different people to have one each!! Only because I was desperate though, I usually hate asking anyone apart from my mum as I don't want to be a burden to anyone.
I have no one less than two and half hours away. Well, I have Hs uncle and auntie but I couldn't ask them though I've been instructed to do so if I want an hour in the shower while H is away so much.
Tbh I'm not sure I want anyone to have them. In my head I don't trust anyone to do things how I would.
12/03/2013 at 13:46
Pingu - we have a CM who is fab and I know I could leave them with. When I was due to go into labour with R she offered to have big R for me. she is fab!
RS - Thats my problem, R is running riot and little R still needs alot of attention, im hoping when they are bigger itll be easier
AlisT - That is fab. So nice of them to help.
AK - Mum sounds brill too. I think its important that you and H get to spend some time together!
CP - gosh, I bet you are shattered. sending you lots of redbull and coffee.
Mossy - thats like me I don't want to burden them with someone. Im sure i will have to split them up one day but its not ideal.
LM - I was a bit like this when I had R, even with H but I feel pregnant with baby R and knew Id have to leave him when in hospital so tried to get him used to it. he went to y mums normally and my sisters when i was in labour. Luckily I dropped him off at 11am and was home by 8pm the same day so he didnt have long away from me.
12/03/2013 at 13:47
A is only 8 weeks so I've not really left him yet, other than v.quick trips out of the house when I've been gone for no more than an hour and left him with H or my parents. Longer-term though I know my parents would have him if needed. They live a bit far for 'regular' babysitting when I go back to work but I know they'd be more than happy to have him in school holidays etc. H's parents much less so and I know H himself finds their attitude baffling and a bit upsetting especially when contrasted with the example my parents set. They obviously love A but personally (controversial opinion I know) I feel it's only half-formed if you're not willing to embrace all that caring for a child entails. (Not able is another thing, for example my 70-year-old grandma has offered to have him regularly when I go back to work but I am not going to take her up on that!) I have great memories of being looked after by my grandparents, aunties and uncles.
Society has become so individualistic and where once upon a time, and in other societies, families club together to raise children, they now seem to be a burden to their own grandparents and aunties and I think this is really sad. I think children benefit from being raised collectively by an extended family. I am speaking generally here, there are clearly going to be cases where it is difficult for any specific person to look after children (e.g. more than one child, getting older, illness etc) so individual circumstances are different but in general I do think it's sad that the community aspect has been taken out of childrearing. I know I chose to have my child, and of course I take on the vast vast majority of caring for him, but equally my mother chose to have me and she loves and accepts A as part of HER choice to have ME in turn if that makes sense.
12/03/2013 at 13:52
We are very lucky. We get tons of help. My mum has the children whenever H and I are unavailable because we're at work. Outside of work though she doesn't have them much.
We also have H's Nan & Grandad, who i know i can rely on for a couple of hours at a time, anymore than that though and it's too much for them.
Up until the last month i could ask my Nan & Grandad, however my grandad has just been diagnosed with cancer, and so we're currently waiting for start dates for treatment etc. So i don't like to ask them now.
The children's godparents are always offering to have them, however i've only taken them up on it a couple of times.
In an emergency my sister would have them, however she's back at work soon after ML and she's also got her hands full with her LO.
I know what a handful they both are so anyone other than family i feel cheeky asking them if they will have them.
12/03/2013 at 13:55
Sai - I get what you are saying and agree. H's gran always offers to have them but she doesnt have the energy and i wouldn't put them on here. she always says she doesnt understand why his mum wont help out though as she helped raise all her grandchild and sees it as part of her role as a grandmother. I know she would be fab if she was able to. suppose everyone is different!
12/03/2013 at 13:57
I am SOOOOOO lucky my mum takes L to nursery 4 days per week and collects him. She has him on a Tues and Weds morning as well. I can ask her anytime to look after him for an odd hour or so. I don't take the P with weekends though, we went away in Jan overnight, H's mum had him during the day and my mum had him overnight, we went to a party last week, mum had him from 7.30-12.30 (at our house), then on the 13th April, I will try to get someone for during the day and she will have him overnight. She is the only person really that I ask, my sister will have him, but she is always away or doing stuff at weekends. I do have friends that I could ask in an absolute emergency
12/03/2013 at 14:26
My parents would have the boys any time we needed them, but they are over 2 hours away, but both have booked holiday in the summer to stay with us to help out during the school holidays. Inlaws who live less than 5 mins down the road, have N every Sunday for a couple hours, but haven't had A yet, so we still can't do anything, whereas before A came along, it gave us a few hours to get our jobs done, and will collect N from school occasionally. Since A was born (17 months ago), we've had an afternoon together on our own to go to a wedding, but had to leave early as A had a bad temp, we've not had a night out, as cannot afford a babysitter, and the inlaws have never offered.
12/03/2013 at 14:36
Saisi, I totally get your last sentence. My Mum absolutely loves having my boys. She even admits she has more patience for them, than she had for me and my sisters, and that she likes being a Nan, more than a Mum. (probably because she can give them back)
12/03/2013 at 14:46
We won't have anyone local to us, as both families are in different cities. My Mum is only 20 miles away though so I'm hoping can mind LO sometimes, though it would mean us driving to pick her up, driving back over and then driving her home again so wouldn't be a quick fix! She also has loads on herself so I wouldn't want to put on her.
I have recently made friends with my next door neighbour though who has a baby and am hoping we can do each other favours WRT babysitting or we'll be a bit stuffed for ever getting out together!
12/03/2013 at 15:06
Both our parents live 3 hours away. N goes to nursery two days a week. That's all our childcare, we manage between ourselves. My friends have offered to babysit for a bit if I need to do something.
12/03/2013 at 17:49
My parents live quite close and help with babysitting. Last summer both sets of grandparents had her to stay to help us cover the summer holidays.
I've also got friends at her school that I could call on at short notice (and will help them too).
12/03/2013 at 18:10
My sister is my only family/friends/free childcare. She has three children of her own and were due our third soon so I feel bad asking now! Everyone says they will babysit whenever but when we actually need it no-one can so I hardly bother asking anymore. If it's for a hospital appointment or urgent my mum will have them but usually for as little as possible, she wouldn't just have them over for no reason just to see them. Only once has our friends (a couple) babysat for a few hours for our first child about 9 years ago.
I babysit my sister's children so atleast we have each other!!
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