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15/01/2014 at 11:37
I am not sure if this should be on Babytalk but I will post it here anyway!
Molly is 4 and I am trying to get her to be more indpenedent but I don't know if I am expecting too much of her and this has caused a bit of a debate with my Mum (Dad on the other hand thinks my Mum babies Molly ):
Toilet - she wipes her own bottom with wipes, even if I am there to check she has done a good job and if she has to re-do it she does
Clothes - encouraging her to dress and undress herself which is going quite well, accept for it has now lead to her wanting to choose her clothes!
Washing - She washes herself in the shower, including her hair (supervised obviously)
Hair - her biggest bug bear is that it hurts when we brush her hair (very curly) so I am encouraging her to brush it herself and I then plait/ponytail/hair clip it
Eating - we let her choose when she is full, she knows there is not more food after dinner so if she is messing around she will be hungry
Jobs - she now lays the table every night and helps to clear it away, plus she is making her own bed and tidies her toys away every night (properly not all just chucked in a pile!)
Do you think this all sounds about right or am I being mean!?
15/01/2014 at 11:41
Wow.....C does very little on this list. But that it totally my own fault, as I can do all the jobs quicker and with less mess than him so often he wants to help and I don't let him. I think I need to encourage this more.
He wipes his own bum but much prefers me to do it. He can get undressed but doesn't do much in the way of getting dressed. He can wash his own hair and body, but because we use aveeno which is oily I tend to prefer to do it, as I don't want him to slip. Same rules apply for eating as you. He doesn't have any jobs at the moment, but I can definitely work towards giving him a few.
Thanks for giving me a bit of food for thought xxx
15/01/2014 at 11:42
If you're mean, then I am meaner. I make my 2 year old do those things.
So IMO, it sounds about right. I think it is important for kids to do thkngs themselves. Can't stand babied kids that do feck all for themselves. My 6 yr old SS can't even wipe his own bottom...
15/01/2014 at 11:44
I think it all sounds perfectly reasonable! I get my 3 & half year old to dress and undress as much as she can (she still struggles putting on/getting off tighter tops), she washes herself in the bath. It sounds silly but I still wash my 6 year old's hair, it's just never occurred to me to get her to do it!! It's probably because all 3 girls are chucked in the bath together and we do encourage them to wash themselves but me/H do their hair. I should get 6 year old to do her own shouldn't I? My 3 & half year old will brush her hair and I do get my 6 year old to do it sometimes but because it's long and thick and she's a wuss when it comes to brushing out tangles that hurt, I more often than not brush her hair for her.
I do the same with eating for all my 3 girls. All my 3 have had a go at helping lay the table but we don't religiously get them to do it every meal time but I think I might from now on! My 3 are rubbish at tidying up which is something I plan to address very soon because I'm sick of doing it!
Definitely not a mean mummy, in fact you are helping her.
Sounds good to me, C does a lot of the same things, although we need to sort all the messing he does at meal times out a bit more and probably get him to do a few more jobs like clearing the table - he's usually quite good if you ask him to take his plate though, or tidying his toys. He also tries to get us to wipe his bottom, although he has to do it himself at school so I know he can do it, just laziness.
15/01/2014 at 11:46
J is a bit older than Molly (he's 5 in May) but:
Toilet - she wipes her own bottom with wipes, even if I am there to check she has done a good job and if she has to re-do it she does - we do the same with J, he will wipe himself and I'll check he's clean as I don't want him getting a sore bum, then he knows to wash his hands.
Clothes - encouraging her to dress and undress herself which is going quite well, accept for it has now lead to her wanting to choose her clothes! He dresses and undresses himself, for school I just help him with his top button and make sure he's tucked in and looks tidy.
Washing - She washes herself in the shower, including her hair (supervised obviously) He washes his body on by himself and I'll do his hair.
Hair - her biggest bug bear is that it hurts when we brush her hair (very curly) so I am encouraging her to brush it herself and I then plait/ponytail/hair clip it - No issue cos he's a boy but we did used to have that problem with E (actually still do), she brushes her hair and I'll put it up cos she's fussy and can't do it herself without any bumps.
Eating - we let her choose when she is full, she knows there is not more food after dinner so if she is messing around she will be hungry Mostly the same as you but I will encourage him to eat more if he is saying he's full and I don't think he's had enough, it will be something like, try and have 3,4,5 more mouthfuls.
Jobs - she now lays the table every night and helps to clear it away, plus she is making her own bed and tidies her toys away every night (properly not all just chucked in a pile! He doesn't really have any jobs as such, he tidies his toys away once he's finished playing with them, he has boxes of toys so they all just get thrown in there.
15/01/2014 at 11:51
No you're not mean, I do the same with C. Got to, he starts school in September and he'll need to be able to do these things himself.
Can't baby them forever - as much as I want to!
15/01/2014 at 11:56
Good to know, thanks ladies.
15/01/2014 at 11:57
I can't remember where Harry was at what stage but I always encouraged him to do as much as possible on his own, from very young, across all aspects. He enjoyed it. He was proud of his little achievements. He's grown up really capable and actively wanting to take responsibility for things such as his health and finances (leaving me feeling a bit redundant!).
If your kid isn't ready we as parents soon find out about it :)
15/01/2014 at 12:01
OMG, I deffo baby Liam then. The only thing that he does out of that is tell me that he is full. He attempts to wipe his own bottom, but 9 out of 10 I do it. Clothes dressing, he can do it, but I dress him for quickness
15/01/2014 at 12:03
Thats what I have to stop myself doing Kelfi, it won't help them in the long run. when they go to school and do PE they will need to dress themselves, Lauren actually was the one who showed M how to get tops on and off and she loves it now cause it means she is a "big girl" like Lauren. My Mum on the other hand would still feed Molly if she could!
15/01/2014 at 12:06
He can do it if I ask him and does it at Preschool , its all about quickness for me though, I am so bad
15/01/2014 at 12:08
If it works for you and your family don't worry about what others are doing - you know my mantra!
L is pretty independent but a lot of the time for quickness or out of tiredness I do stuff for him. I don't have the time for him to faff over putting his trousers on and his boxers on his head for example, but at the weekend I just go with him. He brushes his own teeth now and I check them, wiping bum we are starting again (he went through a phase of doing it then stopped) He sets the table when we eat together but that's not often. He tidies up and helps me with the laundry (sorts colours/whites/darks, puts in machine and does the tabs and comfort then switches it on - he loves this actually) Oh and he's started to dry his own hair with the hairdryer so apologies when you see himmy frnends, he's sporting a Mohawk look
Ah thats it then, you need to let him do it or he will rely on you forever have another baby Fi and then you can do it for them!!
15/01/2014 at 12:52
They all sound like sensible things to get her to do. I can't remember what my daughter was doing at 4 but I know I wasn't dressing her or wiping her bottom. She was washing her own hair as well - she started doing this after swimming lessons when she was 3. Now sometimes though she likes me to wash it for her 'like the hairdressers' and I do it for her because I also have to do the dreaded nit combing and then she will co-operate for that.
15/01/2014 at 17:27
M is 3.5, she dresses herself (and chooses her clothes which is a source of many an argument here when she appears in a party dress for nursery). She sets the table, she wipes her own bottom and we check it, she doesn't wash her own hair but she is given some shampoo to help. She also helps with washing her body but we do it for her.
She makes her own bed if I ask her - not well and I fix it when she's not looking but she tries and will get better over time. She tidies her toys sometimes but we have to work on that as she would rather not...she helps sort the washing (obv it's easier if she didnt!)
Oh and yesterday she demonstrated how she can climb up on to the worktop to get a bowl for cereal so she doesnt need me to get her breakfast for her, I nearly had a heart attack!
I have to say, she does all these things herself, it's not something I've tried to get her to do, but at the same time I don't discourage it.
She tries to brush her own hair but it's wild so I have to do it for her. She randomly sticks clasps in it while I'm brushing it though.
Oh I also encourage her to speak to people when we are out, if someone asks her something I don't answer for her which is something I'm aware my mum did when we were little
15/01/2014 at 17:29
Oh god yes Weekender me too - I think at that age they can hold there own in a conversation, Molly can have a good chat to complete strangers if they ask her a quesion
15/01/2014 at 17:53
Yeah they def can, and it does them so much good helping develop social skills with adults as well as with other kids, I think it's great and builds their confidence too :)
15/01/2014 at 22:53
This has made me realised I'm too soft on mine! F can dress herself, and does at the weekend and when she has to get changed at school. but on a school day I usually dress her for speed and because it's been a source of many an argument so I do as soon as she wakes up before she has chance to get out of bed even as that's what works. But I've not even thought of suggesting she does her own hair, and despite my best intentions we've not started with chores yet. They do 'help' with cooking but that's more for fun, time for new meaner mummy I think
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