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03/09/2014 at 09:42
03/09/2014 at 09:43
Sorry, that had paragraphs when I typed it!
03/09/2014 at 09:57
I work 35 hours over 5 days on a flexi working system, so if i need to come in later, or leave early, i can, so long as i make up the hours (Or i can work up 7 hours and use it to take an extra day off the following month)
H works a pattern of 11 out 14 days. He get's every Sunday off, and every 2nd Saturday. It's been working for us fine so far, but i do miss him on the Saturdays he's working, and his hours are set 9 - 5.30.
We leave at 7.30ish every morning and don't get home until 6.30, and then I spend the evening playing with W while H makes dinner. We're supposed to take it evening around, but that never seems to happen.
We at least all get Sunday together which is good. I've recently had to stop him from making plans to see his mum on the weeks he's only off on the Sunday as i'd prefer to have the day just the 3 of us and not have to work in time to see her too (which usually takes up a full afternoon, so mornings are mucked up as a result)
03/09/2014 at 10:02
At the moment, yes but that's because I am incredibly lucky that we can afford for me to be a sahm. One of my concerns about going back to work, even part time, was that I wouldn't feel like any of the time that I spent at work, home, wherever would be of good enough quality. It's probably rubbish because so many other people work it out just fine though. H works 50 hours a week and that doesn't include the two hour overall commute he has each day but he generally starts early and finishes early so he is usually home to put S to bed and we spend the evening in together, normally. It's one of my main worries about having another because we seem to somehow have achieved a perfect balance and I'm scared about it being compromised when this baby arrives. We have family locally who babysit for us if we want to go out but it won't be fair to ask them to look after two at such a young age for a while so we need to make the most of the next 7 months!
03/09/2014 at 10:09
Popcorn, that isn't rubbish at all, its exactly how I feel. I'm not as good at my job as I used to be, and I'm not as good a mum as I'd like to be! Fingers crossed number 2 will just slot into your existing set up, it sounds like it really works for you.
03/09/2014 at 10:23
TEC, I'm sure you're a fab mum :) I'm pretty sure that whatever we do, we end up feeling guilty about something or other slipping.
03/09/2014 at 10:26
Thanks! Yeah, constant guilt over something is definitely part of parenthood!
03/09/2014 at 10:28
At the moment I'm on maternity leave so we have a nice balance- I hope it can stay that way! My OH works from home and does long hours, but can obviously be around a lot and always makes sure he stops work for bath and bed time and then picks it up again if needed. We spend all weekend together but if my OH wants a few hours to do something, or vice versa, we often do.
I have 'me' time in the evening and we get time together as a couple to hang out, but probably the area where I feel we lack is actually going out as a couple - I imagine that's pretty much the norm when you have a 7 month old though and as you said OP it's hard to sort childcare- and I still find it hard to leave him. I'm sure it's different for everyone but for me it is important to have some time where we're a couple rather than mummy and daddy so probably need to work on that, it's easy to let it fall by the wayside I think, if you're not careful.
When I go back to work in February it will be for 2 days and T will be at a childminders for those days. I am very fortunate we can afford to do this and that my work has agreed (well- final sign off this month but my boss has OK'd it) but even that feels hard to do - however even with that I am lucky the working pattern will allow me to wake him up, and be back for bath and bed, and I hope that he will benefit from the structure and social aspects of a childminders (there are 2 of them so it's like a mini nursery).... (Can you tell I have mummy guilts already?!?)
Hah cross posted - but as you can see the guilts are alive and well here too!!
03/09/2014 at 10:45
It's hard. At the moment I work 37.5 hours over 4.5 days with monday afternoons off to spend with Z. It does meant that I have to work longer the rest of the week to make up so by the time I've picked her up and we get home there is half an hour for play then its bath/bedtime. My H works about 72 hours over 6, only gets Sunday off, leaves before 7 most days and sometimes doesnt get back til 8pm so most nights doesnt see Z at all. But its what we need to do at the moment to move and then save for me to have more maternity leave so we can have the two children we want.
Like someone else said I feel like I'm not as good at my job anymore as I take last minute days off if she's sick, cant go on overnight jobs, but I'm lucky my bosses are pretty understanding, I do feel like my career will be stalled until I've had all my children and theyre at school though. And I also feel like I'm not the best mummy I can be as I'm always rushing here there and everywhere!
We try to have Sundays as a family but its hard when its the only day H has to see his mum etc so we do have to include those things, and with church on a Sunday morning it doesnt leave much time. As a couple we spend evenings together once he's back, watch tv for an hour or so after our dinner. As individuals we both go to church group each week if we can but for both of us it depends on whether H gets back in time. I tend to go out with friends a bit more than him, as he's got less friends. I cant go out until Z is asleep though as she only goes down for me, with H only being home for one bedtime a week its proving impossible to get her used to him doing it, but I probably got out onece a month so its not that big an issue.
All in all working and having kids is tougher than I ever thought it would be!
03/09/2014 at 11:01
I'm a SAHM and H has his own business so he has to put a lot of hours in during the week. Fortunately, we do tend to get most weekends to ourselves or free to do things with friends and family though. We've just recently started making more of an effort to spend time together as a couple, especially knowing that once baby #2 arrives we'll have even less chance to go out on our own!
On the whole, H is home in the evenings to at least put F to bed. There is the odd occasion where he has to work late or go out socialising with clients. Something which I resent at times! At the moment I go to a weekly aquayoga class and I get my nails done every few weeks. Once the baby is here, I'm hoping to get into some kind of weekly exercise class and still get my nails done. I need a bit of time to myself every now and then.
The one thing I find difficult to fit in is jobs around the house like gardening, decorating, etc. It's doing those things or spending time taking F out. I feel guilty if he's stuck at home but then again, he seems more than happy pottering about the house and garden 'helping' daddy.
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