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11/07/2013 at 11:24
Trying to arrange evening things with mums from school and they wont come out until they have put their kids to bed. They reckon their H's just wouldn't/couldn't do it.
I am seeing my H in a completely different way now - I always thought he didnt do enough, now compared to virtually everyone at the school, it sounds like he does!
11/07/2013 at 11:26
My H does more with the kids than I do as he's around more than me.
11/07/2013 at 11:30
My H does loads with A, but to be fair he probably wouldn't be much good with bedtimes as A breastfeeds to sleep and wakes for feeding in the night.
He changes all nappies when he is home, holds A in the sling if we go out, and plays with him whenever he has a chance. I personally couldn't be doing with a man who didn't take his fair share of childrearing and enjoyed it. We are both parents; ok I have to do all the feeding right now and am at home, but he does like to spend time with A.
11/07/2013 at 11:31
I have to ask my H, but he will do stuff. When I have girly days, he has J all day.
When we have his kids, he does 100% of their care.
11/07/2013 at 11:36
Loads. When I'm working he easily does as much childcare as me if not more. He can't manage to so anything else at the same time mind you!
Now we have little S he won't do bath and bedtime for big S in sole charge of both even though I've done it! To be fair it's still quite early days though. In out next Friday evening and have no qualms about leaving him in charge. I do think I'm lucky in some respects but equally from day one with Sammy I've had to leave him so I could ride so he's used to it. Start as you mean to go on and all that! Plus his dad raised him after his mum died so its not unusual for him whereas my dad worked abroad most of my childhood years so my family was very traditional
11/07/2013 at 11:38
My H prob does more than me
11/07/2013 at 11:45
He does his bit when he has to - meaning when I'm not there. He wouldn't dream of doing something like making their tea or putting J in the bath if I was in the house. I don't think he has ever put J to bed when I've been in the house but if I was going out I wouldn't make sure J was in bed before I went out.
11/07/2013 at 11:49
My H probably does more with them than i do. He works shifts so he's about more during the week in the day. When E is at playgroup he usually takes S swimming, otherwise they'd never go. He also does nappies, baths etc probably more frequently than i do. I generally come home prepare tea and then get the kids in bed. At weekends is when i probably do more than him with them
11/07/2013 at 11:58
Yes, but when he watches the kids he literally watches them and plays with them ALL DAY so nothing else gets done at all. O and I need to get the clothes out cos he would put them in anything
11/07/2013 at 12:14
Exactly what CP said! I always choose outfits. Even sammy tells him off for trying to dress him in non-colour coordinated!
11/07/2013 at 12:16
Yes. He gets them fed and dressed in morning before work. And he puts them to bed at night. He takes them to classes at weekends no problem.
11/07/2013 at 12:18
When i breastfed phoebe he'd get her out of cot when she woke change her of needed and bring her into bed for me then when finished feeding hed put her back lol..im.spoiled
11/07/2013 at 12:42
I'm one of those mums that usually arranges to go out for an evening after the kids are put to bed but if I had to be out before bedtime then H would cope but probably wouldn't be too happy about it as to be fair we have 3 young children and bedtime is quite a challenge for anyone on their own! Most nights we do it together. We both have a rule that if one of us is going out then to try and arrange it for after bedtime just out of courtesy for the other parent but there are obviously situations when we have to do it on our own. H hasn't had all 3 all day on his own but he's fine with having 1 or 2 of them if I'm out doing something with the other. He'll cook them tea and is always the one who baths them all (I do the drying and dressing bit!) he blowdries their hair, reads them stories etc. One thing he isn't particularly good at is playing with them if we're at home, but if we're out and about he's great.
11/07/2013 at 12:55
Mr CV definitely does a fair bit and as someone with a sister whose partner doesn't even mind his own kids when she goes out of an evening (they go to my mums as he can't 'babysit'), I know that it's a fair bit more than others.
BUT it's with the huge caveat that his 'fair bit', while all very appreciated by me and certainly by Miss CV who is a total daddy's girl, would land her in social care if he was a single parent! Maybe he'd step up to the mark if he had to but the list of things he *doesn't* do is ridiculous. Dr's appointments, dealing with nursery, school application, giving medicine when needed, buying, washing and ironing clothes, planning and buying for birthdays and christmas, planning or cooking any meals, tidying her room, changing her bed linen - nothing like that, the list could go on and on! No involvement or interest. When she was little, I would have to phone him to remind him to change her nappy.
Discipline is an other one - I might start a new thread on that.
11/07/2013 at 12:57
Yes, he looks after them on a Monday when I am at work and gets them dressed (in clothes I have left out) and shipped out wherever they are going the other 3 days. He would do more if required.
11/07/2013 at 13:25
not an issue for us at all, Rob does as much with the girls as I do and is not phased by me going out. I am away with work a few times a year and they manage just fine. He has a bit of a thing about what outfits to put her in but Molly is now pretty good at sorting herself out now to be honest, she likes picking her outfits
11/07/2013 at 13:27
Yes my OH does at least as much as me and always had, from the start he was changing just as many nappies as me. We both like to be totally equal parents.
One thing that really annoys him is if people ask him if he's babysitting - he hates that, he says he's not babysitting, they're his kids! No one would ever ask me if I was babysitting my own kids so why should they ask him??
11/07/2013 at 14:32
Yes. It is has always been pretty much an even split. Now I am back at work and my hours are crazy he does more at home and for the kids than I do. It really annoys me when people make out he is some kind of super hero for looking after his own kids though - a woman would never get that kind of praise levelled at her!
11/07/2013 at 14:49
I think the mums that say hat need to let their H's work it out for themselves. What if they were ill - how would they cope? I actually think its insulting to men. My ex is not achands on dad but he would shy away and even now texts me to ask if C will eat x or what's her current nap time. At least it's on his radar.
So obvs now I get no day to day help but be has them on average 5 nights/days a month so I do get a break. He's always worked away so I'm used to cracking on on my own.
11/07/2013 at 15:08
H will help with the kids - he'll bathe them, dress them, change nappies, sort food and drink out for them, read stories and play time.
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