General Chat, Products & Comps <
02/07/2013 at 22:24
We're considering moving into a bigger house with my mum and just trying to weigh up pros and cons.
does anyone have any experience? Did it work or not work? Anything useful to know?
its such a big step!
02/07/2013 at 22:27
We done it for a year. It was hell. But then it was two families living together so was never going to work for us. Thankfully it was temp
02/07/2013 at 23:19
No, but my mum keeps telling me that when she is old we have to move into her house and she will extend the two barns to the side of the house to be her granny annexe! She keeps reminding me of this in the hope I will eventually agree with her I think!
I would consider it in your situation if we could both still have some separate space, as I love my mum but she can drive me mad as well.
03/07/2013 at 07:16
We have a few times for a month or so at a time in between houses. It was ok but mum is literally addicted to housework so I'd feel bad and clean whilst she was working and she hated it! We used to still buy our own food and take it in turns to cook.
I could live with them if they had an annex. I keep joking about it.
03/07/2013 at 07:57
How well do you all get on together?
Will your mum treat you like you're ten again?
Will she be able to hold her tongue if you and OH have a row or will she get involved too?
Will she have her own space?
How will you manage meals, etc?
03/07/2013 at 08:08
I don't know your reasons and circumstance for doing it (will you have separate living areas as well as bedrooms? Shared responsibility for chores? Or just be like a house share with you running your own lives but from the same house?), but we did it for a year before we got married - me and H both work away so effectively met at weekends at either his parents or mine with all our possessions being there (H was in the army, me on secondment, so we had our own work provided space too for Sunday-Thursday, just not together). Being honest it was, absolute hell. It's very difficult for independent families to merge into two - having to eat the same foods, share he washer / bathroom / TV and lounge space / cooker / cupboards and fridge - so much I felt I couldn't do because it wasn't my space. I couldn't sit in the bath for an hour, or come in drunk because I had someone judging me (this was pre-baby!), couldn't throw a party or have guests over without prior approval, constantly battling for carparking space and switching cars round.
Now, when H is away I visit my parents as i'm on ML - I enjoy visiting, by gosh i'm desperate to get away from the opinions and spoiling E, which will always come - I don't feel like i'm in control of my own life, if that makes sense.
SIL lived with my MIL for a year too, with her 4 year old, as a temporary fix and again, it really didn't work out, ILs took over, my niece would sleep in grandparents room, grandparents felt dumped on for childcare as they were there - niece always had "another option" when she didn't want to do something and someone to step in to say "ah leave her with me" - MIL shouted at SIL if she shouted at my niece, would come back daily from work with treats for her and feed her food that SIL wouldn't normally allow, she'd go to the shops and be given into when she screamed for a toy creating a precedence SIL couldn't maintain. All ended in one huge massive row and SIL walking out and declaring herself homeless.
If you did do it, i'd definitely give It a trial period before committing long term. But obviously, it depends on the type of Mother you have - I could quite happily live with my Dad because he'd leave me to it, though guess i'd feel a bit confined to the bedroom. My advice is, have separate living space, and very specific rules eg: I don't want you to be doing my washing / making my bed etc even when I've not had chance to do it..
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