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27/11/2014 at 19:50
I have been considering going back to Uni and doing a very intensive course. Went to a second open evening a week ago. Talking to a friend I had kind of come to the conclusion it wasn't really doable until I put certain things in place, as I have a seven year old son, Husband who I am a part time carer to, I also pretty much take care of the house and make all the major decisions a term time only full time job. It isn't just physically draining but emotionally draining. I also don't feel I have the experience. My gut feeling is we may need to move houses to a house which is easier for H. H has Beckers Muscular Dystrophy a progressive muscle wasting condition, he has stage three heart failure and respiratory muscle weekness. Although he is well at the moment he can only work part time also the life failure is life shortening we were told back in May, he had a 50% chance of dying in the next 4.6 years and a 60% chance within the next six. My H is 42 and most BMDers die between the ages of 40 and 50. It is very difficult to plan or make decisions. As I have already said although gutted I had decided I needed to wait at least a year. Also feel I need to get experience to help me get a place however I got an email from the course leader encouraging me to apply. I am so confused.
Also a job has come up I want to apply for. Currently I am a school science technician and a post for senior science technician has come up. Same hours plus 4 weeks of the school holidays. More responsiblity and a considerably higher salary.
02/12/2014 at 22:13
How are you doing besides all this?
First question what do you want to do? If it is something you really want to do if you put it off will there ever be the right time? That wasn't meant to sound harsh more things are going to get worse with your H, if you put it off will you be in a better place in a year, what if the worst happens in the middle of the course and he passes away (I feel horrible typing that but I suppose it is something you have to think about daily)? I suppose what I'm asking with all this is if it's something you really want to do, you may have to decide to do it at some point even if everything isn't all lined up.
As someone who has a neuro condition (nowhere near as serious as your husband) I've had to in the past just go for things because I can never predict exactly where my condition is going to be. I did part of my degree whilst hospitalised for a long period (against my neuro's advice) but I wouldn't quit because the course was my sanity away from it all. Are you seeing this course as something for you away from everything that's going on at home? Or is it to improve your employment options in the future? If it's the latter is this job option going to get you further up the ladder than doing the course?
Financially how are you doing? Is PIP sorted? Will the money make a big difference in the new job? Are you intending to work and do the course?
Sorry there's lots of questions but it's hard to give advice/support without understanding your motivation to do the course. If it's for career improvement the job opportunity and holding off for now seems a reasonable option, but if you need a bit of you time or a challenge away from home (and most people would with everything that you've had to take on in the past year or so) then apply. You can only be turned down and if you are the lessons you learn may help you get accepted next year.
Now for the practicalities if you do take on the course-
Have you been involved with a neuro outreach team? They are fantastic and may be able to put steps in place to keep you in your current house for now by installing bathlifts, grab rails, dual stair bannisters
Are social services involved? If not get them involved your husband may be eligible for a personalised care plan, if he is they work through your needs and state what care support your H needs. This can then be funded even though you work (they disregard wages oddly). This may allow you to get a carer a few hours a week to make meals when you're at your course, help with cleaning etc..
Good luck with it all x
03/12/2014 at 00:30
Thank you your email it was very helpful. Will reply more fully soon, currently work as a school science technician and am seeing the head tomorrow in regards to getting a reference for the job and potentially the course.
12/12/2014 at 23:21
Hi Babylonglegs sent long reply as new thread as your message was very helpful
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