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02/05/2013 at 18:11
Hs sis gets married this Sunday and M (almost 3) is a flower girl. It struck me the other day that no one had asked me for a car seat for her for getting to the church so I asked H what was happening. He replied that the question had been asked and she didn't need a car seat since the car is vintage and has no seatbelts so a car seat can't be fitted. Well, as far as I can gather from reading online if they can't fit a car seat they shoukdnt carry children under 3. Would you let your child travel approx 30 mins into a city centre with no form of restraint?
Next thing they are saying they want to put a pull-up on M in case she has an accident and ruins her dress before she gets to church. She's been toilet trained for 9 months and to be fair does have occasional accidents but they are only travelling half an hour and as long as they control her fluid intake in the hour or so before they leave and make her go to the toilet before they leave then there won't be a problem. Apparently I'm being unreasonable by insisting my toilet trained child wears pants?? This all stems from other SIL who is planning to put her 5.5yr old in a pull up and thinks M should be too and MIL thinks the sun shines out of her backside.
So ladies give it to me I can take it - AIBU to not let my child travel unrestrained in a car as a "one-off" and to insist my toilet trained child wears pants??
So the bride is happy that M just comes in our car and we follow the rest of the bridal party in, she says she completely understands where we are coming from. So car situation resolved.
Re the pull-ups, apparently if we don't put M in one, MIL will do it herself. You'll have to get through me first *** She's so going to have an accident now isn't she and they'll be saying told you so btw, the bride doesn't care about this either, it's MIL and other psycho SIL that are kicking off. Honestly, some people have nothing better to worry about than what's going on with other people!
02/05/2013 at 18:14
Btw wasn't clear when I was ranting there. Whether it's ok by law or not I'm not having her go in a car without a car seat
02/05/2013 at 18:15
30 minutes journey? Definitely not - not sure I'd even let them travel 3 minutes tbh.
Very wrong to put a pull-up on her as well, no you're not being unreasonable at all, I'd feel exactly the same as you. x
02/05/2013 at 18:18
How important is it to keep the peace? That's how I'd measure it.
I would probably let the car thing go against my better judgement but I don't think you are being unreasonable by saying she can't go. Can you take her to the car for photos before and after?
The pants thing. Well I'd be mortified if she ruined a dress so I'd let it go. But it's your child so you must do what you think.
Hope it gets resolved xx
What? You're def not BU in the slightest.
02/05/2013 at 18:20
I wouldn't want my children travelling without a seat let alone a belt. Also wouldn't put a pull up on, that's ridiculous IMO x
02/05/2013 at 18:24
Putting a pull up on her would never have entered my head! To be honest I don't think M would let us even if we tried to put it on her.
I've asked if there is a bridal party car that can take a car seat that she could go in - there are three bridesmaids, three flower girls and three page boys plus mother of yhe bride so there must be two or three cars. Theyll call tomorrow to find out. Actually can't believe they didn't even mention it to me though. If not we will have to take her and meet them there
Beez keeping the peace isn't on my radar just now
Thanks for your input DD and Beez x
02/05/2013 at 18:26
Thanks Kellfi and Lauren. You know when you know you are in the right but something is so ridiculous you wonder if it's you that has lost the plot?
02/05/2013 at 18:27
I hope you read what I meant like it was in my head. I tend to people please against my own judgement, and I don't like that about me but its how I am.
Stick to your guns, your child, your rules.
02/05/2013 at 18:29
I did take it like that Beez tbh I usually do the same but I'm not going to back down this time x
02/05/2013 at 18:36
Good for you xx
I let my son travel 5 minutes in our bridal party car without a seat and my 4 year old niece was in there too, her parents didn't have a problem with it. It was on very quiet roads though, 30 minutes into a city is a bit different . I definitely would not be putting a pull up on a well established toilet trainee!
02/05/2013 at 18:44
I don't think your BU - but thinking of it from your SILs view, she doesn't know/trust your child re the potty trained-ness like you do and perhaps is judging your LO by her LOs actions. So perhaps she isn't BU either - remembering the stressful-ness of being a bride, you want to control everything that you possibly can. Everyone is allowed a bit of a bride-zilla moment!
The car would bother me, I know legally perhaps she could? But I don't care, if your not happy I wouldn't allow it - there are certain things i'll let ride and others which absolutely I will not and if it's on the not pile, I don't care how difficult I make it for anyone else or myself, I stick to my guns. I'd offer to meet the bridal car round the corner so you can have "arrival shots" if you must. For this reason my FGs and pageboy met me at the church door.
02/05/2013 at 19:00
LM, it's not the bride that wants her to wear a pull up, but BILs wife, one of the bridesmaids. Sorry don't think I was clear.
Tbh she now weighs enough that she could go in a hbb, that would be my compromise for this occasion but other than that we will have to take her and meet them there
LB, I think I might let it go if it was a five min journey, I've no idea what route the driver will take but could possibly be on a dual carriageway, even if not there are stretches of 50/60mph roads enroute no matter what way they go. Actually offering to meet them round yhe corner if they want photos is a good idea, thank you x
02/05/2013 at 19:04
I can kind of understand someone thinking of a pull up, maybe if they don't know much about small children. Plus I can remember what it's like being a bride and needing to try to control everything!
But I wouldn't want my child travelling without a car seat. I don't even like it when we go on a bus, it makes me nervous.
Tread carefully though, families remember these kind of things forever, even if you are the one in the right :-(
02/05/2013 at 19:20
I think the pull up is ridiculous! So what if she has an accident, children do but what kind of message is that giving to just put her in a pull up!
Also I wouldn't let her travel 30mins without a car seat, can't believe she's suggesting it
02/05/2013 at 19:21
Thanks pingu, you're right I'll need to play it carefully x
02/05/2013 at 19:25
When with Ex I would have doen as I was told even if it went against my instincts But now they can feck off!
02/05/2013 at 19:34
Actually its perfectly legal to carry a child without a restraint if there isn't one. In fact its safer for a small child to travel without if the only available restraint is an adult seat belt. I checked this the other day. Would I do it for half an hour? No. I'd bring her myself.
And I might be inclined to put her in a pull up if she does have an accident every now and again. But judge that yourself. My daughter has a bladder if steel and I often have the opposite problem of persuading her to go. Has yours ever wet herself during a half an hour journey? If not then stand your ground. Unless there were health reasons I wouldn't dream of putting my 6 year old in one - not sure how I'd even persuade her!
02/05/2013 at 20:31
I wouldn't let my children travel the 30 minute journey in a car with no child seat or seat belt, I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened. As for the pants like you say if they go to the toilet before you leave and has been fully trained for 9 months then I can't see the need. But if it was a choice between the car and the pants I would put them in the pants but no way let them travel in the car without safety
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