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27/03/2013 at 10:46
Bit of background and cutting a very long story short, my mum has 4 sisters-3 of which she is very close to and the other 1 who she hasnt spoken to for about 23 years-a very diffcult relationship and all kicked off when my Granny was ill and after she died re; wills etc...
Anyway she had 2 daughters, one of them is the same age as me and as children we were v close, after our mums fell out we agreed to become 'penpals' (she lived in scotland) until eventually letters stopped arriving from her (my mum claimed my Aunt put a stop to it but actually I reckon they both did this!!)
Over the years I have tried finding her through linkdin, fb, google,possible work places and her old address etc..all with no luck.
2 months ago I heard she had moved down south and had an idea what she did for a living so I emailed all the places in the area and again had no luck-anyway by pure coincidence she got in touch with another Aunt of mine and they met up last week, I only got told this last night adn I asked my Aunt to please give my cousin my details so we can get back in touch, she seems to be taking on the role of being totally in charge of this whole situation and deciding when my cousin should meet us all and how etc...though As adults we are perfectly capable of contacting eachother without a chaperone!My cousin is keen to meet up with everyone and cant believe we all live so close (about 45 mins away!)
Anyway my Aunt has emailed my cousin with my details, offering suggestions of when and where she could bring me to meet her so its not too overwhelming but she copied me on the email, I dont know if she did this by accident or not but should I just think f... her and do it myself or do you think I will cause no end of upset..my Aunt clearly is loving being in control and I know how sensitive my family are so no doubt I will be in the bad books, its not really 'going behind anyones back' is it?? Or is it??
27/03/2013 at 10:52
My OH was im a similar situation a couple of years back but with his Dad, but it was his Dad that made the contact not my OH.
He was a bit unsure to start with as he knew the upset it would cause his Mums family, especially his Mum. But he had to do what was right for him, so he went ahead and met him. Yes his family were hurt and upset, BUT they came around to it in the end.
Im my opinion, you are an adult, old enough to make your own desicions and your own mistakes - if you want to meet then i'd just go and do it on your own back. It doesnt really sound like you'll get anywhere if your aunty is in charge of things. And your family will come around to it x
27/03/2013 at 11:50
But your aunt has suggested meeting up to your cousin? So she's not blocking it. You could easily send your own email just saying how lovely it is to be in contact again and how much you'd love to meet up. See what your cousin says. She may want to meet up with you both. Personally, I wouldn't create a new upset with your aunt at this stage. You can easily arrange other meetings separately in the the future (given that the last massive upset has caused such a rift, I would say this time be a little bit cautious).
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