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13/02/2014 at 07:27
In my family, on both mum and dad's side, when in an established relationship you get given the same value of gift each for Christmas and birthday, regardless of which of you is 'theirs'. Christmas is normally a joint cash/household gift. Birthday is a value and you pick the gift or have money.
We saw my in-laws last weekend after having to delay Christmaa get-together due to our gas leak and then their illness. We got the gifts and mine was 'stuff', things I'd never choose but that's how it goes with gifts. Hubby got a book token for about twice the value of my gifts. I definitely should be grateful for whatever I get, it's just that at the grand old age of 37 I've never seen it done that way. The week before our wedding they gave us a cheque for wedding present, then his mum slipped him an additional £100 'for him', which she's of course entitled to do, I've just never experienced anything like that.
Is hers the norm and I'm just not used to it?
13/02/2014 at 07:48
My family are like yours. My mum may spend a little more on us for birthdays than on our partners but Xmas is normally joint gifts and some individual little presents. My Dad spend the same on us and our partners too.
H's Dad normally gives us money jointly for Xmas. His mum spends more on H than on me for Xmas and birthday, in actual fact, last year she sent me a card (late) and text saying she had a present but it never materialised.
Basically, my family treat H as family whereas I don't feel that I'm thought of in that way by his family.
13/02/2014 at 08:12
We are both treated the same from both sets of parents. Although mine do a lot more in terms of my dad doing work on our house and my mom comes everyday to help look after the boys (I'm home based with my job). I do think that it is bad that your MIL gave your H an extra £100 for him when it was BOTH your wedding day.
13/02/2014 at 08:16
Ive never thought about it before but I guess my parents do spend more on me than my H for Christmas but birthday is usually the same in that neither of us get anything really. His parents are similar and spend a little more on him than me for birthdays and Christmas but again it's not a lot. Other family members would always buy us the same value gifts though or joint presents. Maybe it's because we both have unmarried siblings so the parents don't want to do them out of money. I see your point about being seen as equal in the family but I don't think it's done with any negative intentions.
13/02/2014 at 09:34
I get more spent on me. Last yr, for Christmas, H got a t-shirt, smellies and sweets. I got Vans, clothes, perfume, sweets, make up, money, and other bits and bobs. Why? Because I am their child, and H isn't. Seems the norm to me.
We get nothing from H's folks, as he has nothing to do with them, and I have never met them.
When with my ex, he'd get more off his folks than I would. Our last Christmas together, I got soap and glory stuff, he got a blu ray player, and £200. We weren't living together, so they were his, not "ours". Was I bothered? No. They're his parents, not mine.
13/02/2014 at 09:37
I get more spent on me from my side and H gets more spent on him from his side.
I thought that was the norm
13/02/2014 at 10:04
My parents spend more than twice as much on me for Christmas and probably for birthday too and H's mum gave him £200 for Christmas and me £50 - I too thought this was normal?! It doesn't bother me at all, I don't see it that either of us aren't accepted into each other's family at all, it's just that H isn't my parent's child and I'm not my mother-in-law's child. I will do the same when my girls have boyfriends/are married - spend more on my girls.
13/02/2014 at 10:16
Didn't say it bothered me, just not used to it in our family, or when I was married previously either, so genuinely no benchmark as to what is more common. It's just completely different to what I'm used to and what I will probably do myself with my son.
13/02/2014 at 10:36
My family are like yours. We either get joint presents, or equal amounts of money for birthdays etc.
H's family are just strange. I actually got more for Christmas than H from his own parents, and they don't particularly like me.
13/02/2014 at 10:55
My family are like yours, we get an equal amount spent for birthdays, we are asked what we want for 'main' pressie then little bits usually. At xmas we all get an equal pile of bits and often a joint pressie like an ipod dock for example as main pressie.
I don't get anything from H's family, not even a card most years! His family are very strange though as I've mentioned before! It was H's birthday last week and he got a tenner in a card whereas my parents got him £50 giftcard and little bits. Our families are miles apart with stuff like that.
Both of our families spend the same when you're in an established relationship. In my family we do Secret Santa for Christmas anyway and H and I both join in, on his side his parents spend equally on each of us and on our son.
13/02/2014 at 12:05
We get similar amounts spent on us.
When H and I first got together (and bear in mind he was in his 30s, working and owned a house) his mum used to try and slip him some cash (like a tenner) to help him pay for the train fare when we went to visit. The train fare was almost nothing as we both had season tickets so it was a short journey heavily discounted. I used to think that was funny and so did he.
13/02/2014 at 12:41
My family spend more on their children than partners. But not much extra. H's family are very particular about making sure everyone gets the same that its painful. Would much rather they spend more time with us but that's a different story x
13/02/2014 at 13:40
My parents spend more on me than OH at christmas but I imagine that will all change now with baby.
My parents are still very generous with OH but I get more - but then I open my gifts when OH isnt there so its not a big issue if that makes sense? His mum also spends more on him.
Birthdays are not big deals in my family - a gift, money, meal. OH makes a big song & dance over his bday because he is an only child & it does my head in.
13/02/2014 at 16:41
I've not thought about it, but I would estimate my parents spend more on me and his spend more on him, same with siblings. But not a set amount and not double just a bit more. The 'extra £100' for your H when you got married is odd though, in my opinion. Our patents gave us an amount to share when we got married (spent it on the wedding)
13/02/2014 at 18:02
Yeah, the 'secret' envelope slipped to him in front of me was weird. I paid 90% for the wedding from my own means, which is all taken account of in our pre-nup thingy anyway, so when you look at it like that the cost has been split 50:50, but I wonder if his mum was feeling bad for him he had no readdies to pay for it and wanted to give him some money of his own. Either way, it seemed odd because no one else did anything like that at all, wedding-related :)
14/02/2014 at 17:07
KellfiI get more spent on me from my side and H gets more spent on him from his side.
I thought that was the norm
14/02/2014 at 17:08
Though the wedding thing is odd in my eyes!
14/02/2014 at 19:07
We get equal from both sets of parents. Actually from all the family, my aunt just sent OH a cheque for his birthday to the same value she will send to me. Only difference is that my ILs don't really seem to know my style, so OH gets gifts he liked whereas I don't. I don't think the value differs though, not that I really care.
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