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02/08/2014 at 12:40
do you share housework/ childcare?do you both get equal amounts of 'me' time?
is there anything you would change?
02/08/2014 at 12:48
We have quite a traditional relationship, I stay at home to look after the kids, and do most of the cleaning. while he goes out to work. however once little one goes to school i want to get a part-time job 2-3days a week. I'm happy with this set up if I need help with the cleaning he will help if asked or if hes on annual leave.
not incluing the time the boys are at school, because im still doing all the housework, he gets alot more time to go out and socialise then me he goes out with his mates at least one a week to play in a pool league. I prob go out once every 8 weeks but this is mainly because he work alot of evening so by the time he gets home at 9ish I cant be bothered to go out! He always used to keep the kids amused while I had a hot bath or went upstairs to read of a weekend if I wanted to but now they are getting bigger its impossible to keep them downstairs!
The main thing I would change is that he gets grumpy when hes tired, so because he does alot of shift work i often have to sent him upstairs for a nap!
02/08/2014 at 17:32
We don't have a little one yet but my hubby does provably more than me at the moment. It will be different once the baby arrives but he's changing his working hours so he gets home at 4.30/5pm to have dinner with us and do bath time which will be his job during the week. I do have relatives in a similar position to you and we have seen the stress it puts on relationships. Have you had a heart to heart with hubby?
02/08/2014 at 17:36
I really like how things are so far (Agnes is only 3 months old). It's even. All of it. I see it as totally equal. We each work full time. We're each better at different things. Neither of us crave much alone-time and neither of us go out drinking/with mates a lot. He does 90% of the cooking but I'm in charge of admin (finances, bills, appointments, booking holidays, etc). He definitely does more actual cleaning than me but I do more sorting and tidying.
He goes out on his bike once a week for a couple of hours, but I go to fat club so that's about the same.
The only thing I wish was different - and not sure how - is that I earn double his salary so I'll not take decent maternity/other time off because it would always be better for the family as a whole for it to be him. But that's okay, just not my ideal. Oh I know... wish he didn't work shifts. We only get 13 weekends a year together and I miss him. But it still works fine, I get baby to myself ;)
02/08/2014 at 17:59
no need for a heart to heart, things are fine between us we have our own little rountine that were happy with :)
Im just nosey i love knowing the workings of relationships i find it really interesting!
counter- shift work sucks, H is at work at the moment, he works one weekend in three the then a three week rotation of earlier, lates and splits which means hes only home in the evening 9 nights of of 21, i was doing it too before we had kids so its just the norm for us but i does mess with the body clock!
02/08/2014 at 18:41
Since I have gone back to work just over a year and a half ago, my H does more childcare. He takes our son to school five day's a week, he picks our son up on Wednesday and takes him swimming and picks our son up on Friday's from school. I do most of the cooking and cleaning. Due to having Beckers Muscular Dystrophy picking up stuff and tidying has always been difficult. H used to do a lot of cooking before last summer when he was very ill but since then he hasn't been able to do so much. He has also gone from working a 40 hour week to working around 8 to 10 hours a week.
02/08/2014 at 18:45
I'm the same Sleepy - I love to know how others approach things. Folk are fascinating!
Andy likes his shift rota, I wish we were a bit more in sync, but if we were we couldn't tag team the child care like we do. I'd hate shifts!
02/08/2014 at 19:54
wow winterflower sounds like you have had a tough couple of years, glads its like everything has settled into a nice rountine for you both.
Tims shifts do work out quite well for the kids he gets to do at least one school run a week which both the boys an he loves plus he rarely misses assemblies and sports day.
its mainly his late shift thats hards as he leaves the house at 11 and doesnt get back til gone nine so when the kids are at school they dont see him the whole week unless its the half hour school run.
who do you all think rules the roost? I think in our house it's a mix on somethings he is super stubborn and will make the descisions. On house stuff and the boys rountine (minor things not the big stuff) its my say that goes as Im at home more
02/08/2014 at 20:20
My H works up to 80 hours a week, i'm a SAHM.
I do all the cleaning during the week, and H helps at weekends. H lets me sleep in at weekends too.
I have more "me time", H regularly has the kids so I can go out, often overnighters with my friend (i stay at her house). Weather dependant, H will go fishing. Usually only for a few hours, but he has just started overnight fishing this week, and was fishing from Tuesday night, until Friday morning. He will also take the kids out to give me a break.
I cook for the kids, apart from weekends when H will do it, and he cooks for us both every night, unless he is working away.
I am very lucky that I get a lot of me time, and will be getting more in Sept, when J starts Nursery.
I'm definitely in charge in our house, i'm the organiser, and know where everyone has to be, and when.
02/08/2014 at 20:40
I think things are fairly balanced in our house. H works 5 days a week, I work 3.5, both retail though so some antisocial hours, weekends etc. On the evenings where I work late H picks L up from the grandparents, sorts dinner etc and gets him to bed, plus he has him on my half work day. Obviously I do more childcare, but work less so that's fair. Housework wise, again I do more but H will help out. The problem we have is that he has no idea what needs doing unless I tell him! I've got round this by having a list of basic jobs that need doing daily, and to be fair 99% of the time I come home to most things having been done. Then I do the bigger jobs during nap time on my days off.
Neither of us really crave time for ourselves, we prefer to spend time as a family, H tries to get to the gym once or twice a week and I help out at a guide pack so that's fairly equal. I know if i wanted more he wouldn't complain in the slightest, and neither would I. The only thing I find difficult is that when we're both at home I'm still automatically the main caregiver - L comes to me if he wants something, its up to me to sort meals, naps etc, even though H manages all of this just fine when he has to! It has got better as times gone on so maybe it will eventually become equal...maybe! Interesting thread, I agree with whoever said its fascinating to see what others do.
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