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07/11/2013 at 09:32
Wondering how many of us there are and what your situation is.
I'm step mum to G 17 and K 14. Both live with us full time after residency granted in 2008. G moved back to her mums in 2010 after a big row with us - she was 14 and wanted to do things 14yo shouldn't, dad said no, mum said yes so off she went. We had intermittent contact with her throughout that time but mum is very controlling and wouldn't pass our messages on, answer phone to us and removed G's mobile so we had no way of reaching her. She came back to us in March this year after witnessing her mum taking speed and cocaine and her boyfriend being threatened with a knife & knuckle duster by the stepdad. g still has contact with mum by Twitter and the odd call but hasn't seen her since she moved back.
K hasn't seen her mum since 2010. She gets the odd message around birthday and Christmas time but she's not interested in seeing her or listening to her bull.
What's your story?
07/11/2013 at 09:35
I am but not an active one, we used to have him a lot more than we do now. He is 16 and H and his mum split up when he was 18 months, so they were finished before I came on the scene. All amicable.
07/11/2013 at 09:41
I am step Mum to E 9, and B who is 1 month away from being 6.
We have them every Friday night, and every other Saturday, plus a week at Christmas/New year.
I have a good relationship with E, but not with B. He's a difficult child, and I think he needs professional help. (he cut the eyes and heart out of his bear factory monkey)
They don't like being at our house, as we have rules. (like, showering, not weeing on your bedroom floor, brushing your teeth and eating proper meals, not just a chocolate mousse and slice of cucumber).
In all honesty, I find being a step mum hard. I don't like kids (apart from my own), but thought i'd grow to love them. After nearly 4 years, that hasn't really happened...
07/11/2013 at 09:49
I am a step mum to two boys 14 and 11.
We have them every Sunday day but every other Saturday night.
Luckily they are very well behaved and respectful. All arrangements with Ex are done through me, we get on very well and will often take the kids out together in the holidays etc.
If it wasn't for me the boys probably wouldn't come as much. I met H when they were 4 and 7 and for the first 3 years or so my H would be working every weekend so it would be me that had them really not him!
E absolutely adores them and they love her and she's very lucky to have some good big brothers!
AK - it's good you can admit that!
Cutting the eyes out is disturbing!
07/11/2013 at 10:07
I'm step mum to a 6 year old girl. I've been on the scene since she was 2 turning 3 and her parents split when she was 6 months old as mum was pregnant with another mans baby.
We have 50:50 residency, 7 nights with us, 7 nights with them. Scattered over a 2 week period (we didnt think one whole week without dad would work for her)
Her mum has, issues, to put it politely and little one was very much a pawn in the whole thing. When I came on the scene visitation was stripped for no reason at random times, we'd be on the doorstep with little one screaming to come with us and told no. Little one was also told that Daddy doesnt love her because he loves his new girlfriend instead. We ended up taking her to court last June after she stripped every day contact to every other weekend and was all resolved in January of this year with 50:50.
I hate every bone in the womans body, she doesnt bring anything to the table. M's in clothes 2 years too small, doesnt eat proper meals, doesnt do anything with her for education, doesnt wash her clothes, but shes M's mum and I keep my opinion to myself. When M's old enough she'll choose where she wants to be and she already acknowledges that our house is nicer, she says our house smells nice, and during half term said "these clothes are really dirty arent they" and asked if she could change into something clean. Its sad, but theres nothing we can do. For now we make 50% of her life amazing, shes very spoilt for attention with us, but she deserves it.
07/11/2013 at 10:13
Oh goodness WW, thank god that little girl has you.
I admire full time step parents with every bone in my body. When I used to have N a lot more, I found it so hard. I don't think that anyone can realise what a hard job it is until they have done it.
07/11/2013 at 10:23
WW I know exactly what you mean and you are doing the best for her with the time you have.
07/11/2013 at 10:54
I was a very active step-parent for 8 years, it was heart-breaking. My son has a vicious and cruel stepmum. My husband is a fantastic stepdad.
I think it's one of the hardest jobs in the world!!! Good work, ladies.
07/11/2013 at 11:26
I am step mum to a 13 year old boy and 10 year old girl. They were 7 and 4 when i came on the scene but didnt meet them until they were 8 and 5.
We get on very well, I love them both. They havent been brought up how I would do it, but they're not mine so thats not really something I can do anything about. I have taught them how to eat properly and speak properly, I make them tidy their bedroom and brush their teeth and pick their clothes up off the floor. They do moan to their mum about it but she never says anyhting to me anymore - makes digs at h now and then though - but nowhere near as much as she used to.
When we got together she was an absolute nightmare. Stopped him seeing them for 6 months. He would turn up to collect them bang on time every arranged date but she would just kick off and keep them inddors. She used to call me at work and call me names etc but now I think she realises just how lucky her kids are to have a dad and step mum who love them. My step son isnt even my H's biological son, he got together with their mum when SS was 18months old and treats him the same as his daughter.
We have them every other weekend - friday night - sunday night and his daughter comes to us 3 nights after dancing - we feed her and take her home. SD and I have a brilliant realtionship but I find SS difficult sometimes. He is older than his years, they both are, and lacks respect sometimes. I dont like him get away with it though!
They're good kids at heart, but with no rules at mums, they're completely different with to how they are with us.
They were over the moon when i was pregnant, and i cant wait til it happens again so they can get their little brother or sister. I was gutted for them when I lost the baby.
All that said, its not my ideal situation, I dont think it ever is, but it works for us. I will admit I do like it when sometimes they dont come over for whatever reason, I like to have H to myself.
07/11/2013 at 11:33
Rod the girls live with us and I often wish H and I would get some time alone especially of late and through the teenage years. K argues white is black because she's 14 and knows everything. I often lose my rag but I won't have the lip off her.
07/11/2013 at 14:18
Honestly, if the kids lived with us I dont think it would have worked out between H and I. He sometimes talks about maybe one day they might want to live with us, but number 1, I dont think they will and number 2, I worry it will actually happen. Is that awful?
I think I'm struggling more with G (13) now because of his age. But SD isnt much better, ten years old and her mum lets her have acrylic nails! ARGH
07/11/2013 at 14:26
WHAT?! I only let K this summer at 13!
07/11/2013 at 14:30
Don't. H and I HATE it. She used to turn up in those stick on false nails and we made her take them off, but one day she rocked up with these acrylics on. I was like this She know's we hate them, but her mum lets her. Wont let her wear mascara, but will let her have acrylics and wear false eyelashes!! Warped.
Oh she tints and waxes her eyebrows too.
07/11/2013 at 14:32
and she's in primary school? Unreal. Bet your H goes nuts doesn't it?
07/11/2013 at 14:33
Goodness me Rod, thats BAD!
07/11/2013 at 14:41
I am not a step mum but wanted to say I think you all do a fab job in what sometimes sound like difficult circumstances.
I am however lucky enough t have a step mum if you can call her a step mum as my dad married her when i was 28. She has been fantastic really supportive I felt very lucky to have her around when my own mum couldn't be here.
I hope that all of you step mums are or will one day be appreciated as much as I appreciate mine.
07/11/2013 at 14:42
Yea year 6.
He used to. He's come to the realisation that whatever he says it goes unnoticed. We concentrate on how they are with us now, not what they do with her. If she doesnt want to dicipline them then thats her choice.
The worst thing is school. SS is at a school for kids with behavioural issues. He has no learning difficulty etc, he is just naughty. He is too far gone at that place to last 5 minutes in mainstream school now. He's always been given excuses as to why he's been so bad (usually 'cos my dad left'). He got excluded from school at 9 for calling a teacher a c*nt and throwing a chair.
SD is dyslexic. She also needs to work hard this year in school. Her mum, in her own words says 'I refuse to sit and read with her or do her homework cos she just kicks off, so I just sign her book' the poor bast*rds have no hope. We do our best, but SS isnt H's and SD was born before the 'you get parental responsibility if your name is on the birth cert' rule came in, and the ex wont sign it to H.
Its a sad state of affairs really. But they are good kids with us, we read with them, help them with homework etc. Its not their fault their mum's a no hoper.
Sorry this is turning into a bit of an offload!!
07/11/2013 at 14:43
Thats lovely drifter. x
07/11/2013 at 14:44
Rod why doesn't he apply for PR through the courts? It's disgusting that any parent doesn't have this automatically but say they became ill and needed treatment in hospital and you couldn't reach the ex - what happens then? He needs PR.
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