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06/01/2013 at 09:43
.... having to move your elderly in laws
We've had a pretty good relationship up to now helped in no small part by the fact they live over 3 hours away on an island, but need to move back here as FIL is in his eighties and has beginnings of dementia. Trouble is MIL isn't all with it either. We're only at the viewing houses and getting valuations on theirs stage and they've already changed their minds about moving once, have a ridiculous list of requirements that would challenge Kirsty and Phil to meet and only like properties that are way above their budget. Poor H is so stressed and he never gets stressed.
This is not going to be easy. Gin anyone?
06/01/2013 at 10:14
Oh dear that does not sound fun. Although if i were answering your question id be saying living with a teenager is more stressful. Pass that gin!
06/01/2013 at 10:28
Hope you manage to find something soon with your sanity intact. But I agree with Belle if it were me answering its living with TWO teenagers!
06/01/2013 at 10:30
That does sound stressful. Do you think FIL comprehends fully what's happening?
06/01/2013 at 10:43
Beez- I doubt it. When we were there last week he kept asking what time they had to leave to get home - but they were home. H was out of the room and he asked me where my elder child was. This only started in July and he's gone downhill so fast, it's very hard for H. MIL is quite a bit younger but has had brain issues that have affected her, so last week when we were just looking at agents she was talking about taking down lights to pack that she wanted to do right then. They are just not safe to live there with no support or family nearby. We're the only ones who are going to support them anyway, they need to be near us.
Teenagers scare me! Maybe I should have said the most stressful thing in my life so far!
06/01/2013 at 10:48
Dementia is such an evil illness so I do really feel for you.x
06/01/2013 at 15:22
Dementia is a horrible thing. Has your FIL seen a doc to see if there are any drugs he can have to delay/improve the symptoms.
I'd strongly suggest that you also look at places where they'll have extra professional support, not just relying on you and your H.
My Gran had it before she died - she kept asking where my mum was when my mum was holding her hand.....
06/01/2013 at 15:46
Two of my grandparents had it too Cedar. MIL will not even entertain the idea of any sort of warden controlled place or somewhere like that. We've tried. She just says its not what she wants, regardless of the fact my FIL is clearly needing something like that soon. The docs know, but according to MIL the specialist they saw on Friday told them it would be confusing to FIL to move. We have no idea what they actually were told, so stuck on that one. H has lasting power of attorney, so sorted on that front, but it's so stressful. They are quite vulnerable now I feel which is why we really just need them back here quickly.
06/01/2013 at 16:19
Does your FIL have a dementia nurse to give him and your MIL support? There comes a stage when we suggest not moving someone with dementia as they don't seem to recover from the move but its usually more end stage. Now would be a great time for them to move for your MIL. You say that your MIL isn't all there either. Has she been tested for Dementia? I am not sure where you are moving them to but you, your H and your MIL especially will need more input as your FIL deteriorates.
06/01/2013 at 19:16
Thanks for that heart nurse- no, I don't think he does have a nurse. Friday's specialist appointment was the first specialist one they've had, so maybe that is something that will happen now. MIL doesnt have dementia, she had an operation on her brain 17 years ago for epilepsy- it stopped the fits but her memory, common sense and understanding were really affected- for example she didn't know what basic things such as forks or a car were called for ages. She 's better than ever now weirdly - since FIL's decline began she has had to step up and mentally it's been really good for her - but he was always in charge IYKWIM and now has no capacity for this. He looks at an apple like its a foreign object yet he eats one every day. So sad.
Its amazing seeing him with Sophie though- its like they have some kind of mutual understanding, she chats away to him and he responds more to her than us, and when she saw him standing in the hall she just went and got him and led him back to the lounge without any of us saying anything. It's like she just knows what to do. Weird.
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