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19/06/2013 at 09:38
I KNOW I sound a bit psycho but please can you all bear in mind what I've been through and that also I haven't done this for a looong time. I know I should go with the flow but I'm feeling like its taking over my thoughts a bit too much.
MF is not that communicative - if I say anything nice he says 'me too' but rarely off his own back. When I stay over I always feel like he's waiting for me to leave which makes me feel a bit ***. Also we've had the are we in a boyfriend / girlfriend situation but no definitive answer although when I asked him if he was seeing anyone else he thought it was 'bizarre' that I asked, of course he wasn't. He calls daily, texts about 50 times a day. He offers to pick me up when I go out without him.
I feel like he's not that into me. It's been two months, I wouldve expected him to meet my mum by now
I'm bouncing between cutting my losses and running, or waiting it out and being patient. I think I'm comparing too much to how quickly I've moved before, but can a slow burner really become something special. And if its not special, is there any point?
I didn't expect to meet someone I actually liked so much.
Any advice? Be harsh.
19/06/2013 at 09:50
After 2 months, my H hadn't met my Mum (we've been together 3 yrs now, an I still haven't met his, haha) so I wouldn't stress about that.
I am like your MF. When my H says something nice, my reply is usually "ditto", even when he says he loves me. It drives him mad, but I am just rubbish at compliments (giving and recieving), and just generally saying nice things. Doesn't mean I don't think them, but I can see why It'd bother you.
I think you are over thinking things, but like I said, I can see why. If I wasn't the same as your MF, i'd be tempted to say "sack him off", but some people are just rubbish at communicating feelings.
The fact he calls and texts shows he is into you.
19/06/2013 at 10:15
i think you need to chill out. 2 months is nothing. he may not be a very gushing kinda person when it comes to compliments and so you are taking that ahs he's notinterested.
my hubs and i were faffing around for about 4 months before we had the boyfriend/girlfriend talk. then it was another month before i met his mum...then another 2 months before he met my mum.
if he texts alot, maybe ask him his feelings via text. might be easier than face to face if he doesnt like to talk x
19/06/2013 at 10:34
Hmm tough one. I'm inclined to say not to worry about the 'me too' comments as I am like that, I find it hard to say nice things even though I feel them and have been told in the past by boyfriends/seeing people that they can't read me and don't know how to take me so maybe he's like that. On the other hand if you analysing it all like this maybe it's not meant to be...maybe...but I'm an analyser and can't chill out! With my H things were just easy and it took us four months to mention the boyfriend girlfriend thing and 8 months for him to tell me he loved me (please see above about not being able to read me). But I didn't need him to tell me really as I knew he did.
Why does he need to meet your mum?
Tbh I think he sounds just like a man. My h will occasionally say nice things (well rarely) but he has a grope, buys me a ripple, let's me watch what I want, that's all his little ways of showing he loves me , he writes poems in cards at birthdays/Xmas/anniversary but that's as far as it goes. The phoning and texting show he's interested
19/06/2013 at 11:02
Oh lovely, I know exactly how you are feeling and I think a lot of us have forgotten the whole does he like me / what did he mean by that / why isn't he responding to my texts / calls / emails you go through at the beginning of something. But as hard as it may be you do just need to sit back and enjoy this for what it is and try not to worry about what it may or may not become.
You like him. Great! So enjoy him. Enjoy the attention he gives to you, enjoy the sex, enjoy the way he makes you feel. Don't worry about the what ifs and certainly don't worry about meeting your mum. You're not going to marry this guy anytime soon so no rush on that front.
19/06/2013 at 11:12
What belle says.. I agree.
I think you should definitely just 'go with the flow' if you feel something isn't right in a couple more months then do what you think is right, your in control too Hun x
My H and I went through a phase at the beginning of not knowing whether we were just 'going out' or were actually going out on dates. This was partly because we worked together. It went on for several months and it is a standing joke that what he considers our 'first date' I don't because I didn't think we were on a 'date'. (Yes, we really were both grown ups in our thirties).
As Belle says, relax and enjoy it for what it is at the moment. Having fun with someone else that you like. Its easy to try and overanalyse things to start with.
19/06/2013 at 11:15
I agree with the others, enjoy the way things are and have fun - if you do want more, or some answers then you're going to have to try again at a more serious talk at some point. New relationships can be so hard in so many ways x
19/06/2013 at 11:48
Aw Beez, it;s hard, just enjoy though chick xx
19/06/2013 at 12:21
Okay, thank you, I'm trying to relax.
See, please no one take this personally, but in my mind I have this conversation with him that basically goes 'when you meet the right person for you, you will be able to tell them they're amazing'
My best friend says meeting the mum/best friend is a sign that he's serious. But I'm realising that just because its not serious now doesn't mean it never will be? And if its just short term I need to just enjoy the here and now.
But now I'm wondering if genuinely that part doesn't 'unlock' in some people.
My ex and I never had a friendship but the romance was always there (yup, pretty much to the end) flowers, gifts, surprises, all material and no substance in the end. So I'm thinking I'm comparing it to that. Where as with the MF is so relaxed, we laughed that we already both pee with the door open
I really appreciate all your advice, thank you.
19/06/2013 at 12:30
Think your last paragraph sums it up Beez.
19/06/2013 at 12:33
I feel a bit clearer in my head. Thanks Belle.
20/06/2013 at 08:40
I agree with what the others have said, go with the flow and stop over thinking things. Why does he need to meet your mam? Have you met his?
20/06/2013 at 10:05
if you pee with the door open..... then 1) he likes you 2) you are comfortable with him. take it as it is for now :)
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