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03/07/2013 at 16:37
This 'friend' has been sniffing about for about a month, they have been to dinner twice only a curry at the local curry house and then meat and potato pie at fils house, but on Saturday night she was going round for a drink, her car was there in the morning and h questioned it, apparently she couldn't drive as was drunk and got a taxi back and her son was going to bring her later on that day to get it. Which I suppose could be true but me and sil think she might have stayed over!
H asked what was going on last month and fil went mad (mil only died in feb) so we did think they were just friends but I'm not sure now.
i suppose at the end if the day it's his life and so long as he's happy and all that but sil is very very upset and h is now burying his head in the sand and pretending its not happening.
03/07/2013 at 16:47
It does sound like the start of a relationship to me, but it could just be simply he want's some female company, Do you know if they were friends before MIL passed away or has she turned up since?, The story about being drunk and couldn't drive and got a taxi could be possible.
I agree that at the end of the day it's his life but he's also go to be honest, It will be difficult for everyone involved as it's only a few months since their mums passed away.
I think that you just need too carry on and see where it goes, he's obviously hiding something because he went mad when confronted...
Hmmm It's a difficult one!!
03/07/2013 at 16:50
It could just be a bit of friendly company and be completely innocent, although I would be suspicious after the car being left overnight but a plausible story - she shouldn't have drunk if she needed to drive home though.
I hope whatever it is that it doesn't cause too much upset for your H and his family xx
03/07/2013 at 16:58
Thanks both. Yes all friends (fil mil and the friend) before mil died. Very old friends but lost touch and she came back on the scene when mil was first ill. She regularly visited mil on her own when fil at work. I think she grew up with fil (possibly) but they have known each other ages.
03/07/2013 at 17:23
Ah okay, Maybe it is just a bit of company and a shoulder to cry on?
03/07/2013 at 17:55
It could be either or a bit of both (shoulder to cry on leading to more). Its not unusual for this to happen. I know someone who fell out with his adult children when he started a relationship with one of the nurses who had cared for his wife while she was dying. Can see why SIL is upset by the thought.
Maybe last month nothing was happening in FIL's mind but now it is? Or maybe she likes a drink or two and really couldn't drive home.
03/07/2013 at 19:59
I think the excuse is plausible, easily. He probably just wants the company xx
03/07/2013 at 20:32
Men tend to meet new people VERY quickly after their wives die. However it might be completely innocent, some companionship
03/07/2013 at 20:36
Seems it could be innocent or not. I feel quite 'live and let live' about this kind of thing but then it isn't my dad so can't really contemplate how your H and SIL are feeling. I suppose as well when you get a bit older you might not feel you have all the time in the world to wait...
03/07/2013 at 21:41
May just be companionship, but it could be more. If it does develop into something, all I would say is for your H and his sister to respect your fil's decision to see someone else. My mum is currently on the receiving end of a fair amount of animosity from her current fiance's adult children. They met 2 weeks after his wife died, but she had been ill for a very very long time and he had stopped being her husband a long time before she died as was really just a 24hr carer for quite sometime until she passed away.
I'm not sure of the circumstances of how your mil passed away, but hopefully your H will respect his dad's decision to see someone else if it comes to that :)
(And sorry if I've over-stepped my bounds, it's just a subject close to my heart atm)
03/07/2013 at 21:45
It could be companionship, maybe more, time will tell, hope that your H and SIL are ok if it's more once they have time to adjust
03/07/2013 at 21:55
It was a very sudden onset of an illness nenas but she was ill 18 months, we all did the care for her. I think that h and sil see fil as quite vulnerable and see this friend sniffing around, it wasn't that long ago that fil made the dining room into a shrine (no joke) for mil with in excess of 20 photos of her all over the walls and all her ornaments etc and I think h and sil just see it that its not even been 4.5 months since mil died and potentially this woman has stated over in their mums house iykwim.
I agree only time will tell though, so we shall see. H said if he finds out she was sniffing round before mil died then he will cull fil completely
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