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08/01/2014 at 08:30
08/01/2014 at 09:05
Honestly, I would put the bad feelings aside and respond in a sympathetic and friendly was. To me it sounds like he was trying to make amends, being close to death probably makes you reflect a lot on life. She is your family and although you may not like her much, having support around will help you both.
08/01/2014 at 09:06
Firstly how do you feel about hearing this news? I think that will affect how you respond if at all.
08/01/2014 at 09:09
Just a quick reply as I am at work, and it is a very complicated sounding situation. Not sure from your post whether you feel anything much yourself about his death (sorry, relieved, indifferent?)
Whatever your sister said to you, she clearly has had contact with her father and is obviously feeling upset at his death (although there are probably other emotions mixed up in there as well). Don't unfriend her just because she has sent you a confused sounding message right now. Acknowledge her feelings as being sorrowful for him.
08/01/2014 at 09:15
Me in your shoes... I would probably show some sympathy, but remain detached. Even as simple as 'So sorry to hear your news, really hope you are okay x' or however you would normally word something like that. I wouldn't want to get drawn in and probably wouldn't want it to trigger any emotions in me.
08/01/2014 at 09:18
I'd respond as the others have said then. Impartial but sympathetic.
08/01/2014 at 09:24
Right so I will go for along the 'Thank you for telling me, I hope you are coping okay'.
08/01/2014 at 09:25
I think it would be OK to ask how he died (or how ill he'd been) - that would be a normal thing to ask when you hear someone has died. If you really want to know and are prepared for what that might open up from her.
08/01/2014 at 09:32
I sent the message with the addition of Please may I ask what he died from?
08/01/2014 at 09:35
Yeah I'd reply something along the lines of sorry to hear this, hope you are ok, can I ask what happened? It does sound passive aggressive but try to ignore that
Stay detached but sympathetic.
Sorry to hear this QI, even if it's not totally surprising it will still be a shock x
08/01/2014 at 09:43
She has replied to my message, may I share it with you?
08/01/2014 at 09:44
Yes do. Hope you're okay.
08/01/2014 at 09:46
'I had not had contact with him for around 12 years until this last month when he became very ill and i wanted to give him the chance to meet his granddaughter. So i am coping ok, ***(her brother) was very distressed as we were at the hospital with him when he passed. But ***(her brother) is now mainly worried about his inheritance as its split 50/50 between ***(her brother) and ***(her Dad's) partner. He was a very ill man, it was discovered he had heart failure early last year he then had a stroke on the 13th December. This is when i went to meet him. It was the discovered he was suffering with quite a progressed bone cancer that had spread to different areas. He then had a heart attack on the 1st January and we all went up to see him and he passed away on the 2nd. It was all very quick from him being in theory healthy to death was around 3 weeks.'
08/01/2014 at 09:49
I'm glad she replied QI, hope it's helped you x
08/01/2014 at 09:55
Honestly? As selfish as it sounds I am a bit fecked off that she knew and didn't tell me anything. I would have liked to have contacted him - something I hadn't done out of respect to her. Okay he was her biologically father but he was also the only father I knew as a child as violent and as aggressive as he could be. I really have to stop worrying abotu what others think and get on with things I want to do but not sure how to change that.
08/01/2014 at 10:04
It does seem odd, QI, to tell you of his death but not of his illness. Or is that just me? I would assume nothing, no contact, no info, or... an update when she found out.
It sounds as though it was fairly quick, as these things go, not sure if you get comfort from that but I think I would. x
I understand that
08/01/2014 at 10:16
She very easily could have told me he was ill but I assume she didn't tell me on purpose. There is so much back history to it all
08/01/2014 at 10:17
I was thinking of responding along the lines of 'How is his partner coping?' or something. Just don't know what to say whilst keeping it as neutral as possible.
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