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04/12/2012 at 07:38
It's not even 8am and H and I have had a massive argument.
It all started because he said something which I didn't quite catch and apparently I "never listen". I was listening but when he doesn't talk clearly and mumbles, it's sometimes a bit difficult! He obviously forgets the fact that he's usually so preoccupied with some cr@p on telly that he completely blocks me out.
Anyway, this then spirals to a shouting match and apparently I'm a bad mother and I don't love our son. WTF! I'm furious.
I think I may have told him not to come home tonight because he's not welcome. He said I should hear the way I talk to him sometimes so I responded with the fact that when he's been out drinking and comes home drunk, he's not a very nice person and says horrible things (which he then has no memory of). I've got this to look forward to for 3 nights next week.
04/12/2012 at 08:22
Blimey - what a way to start the day! It sounds like a very small spark that ignited a whole lot of other stuff - is this becoming a regular pattern of you arguing over silly things? I think saying you're a bad mother is unfair from what you've told us. His drinking and bad mouthing you afterwards is obviously an issue for you, rightly so, but bringing it up in an arguement like this probably isn't going to get you anywhere. You need to talk it through with him when you're both starting out calm and explain what he has said and how it makes you feel.
Sorry no other advice at the moment except to offer a hug
Hope youcan talk to him rationally at some point to find out what caused this arguement to errupt into something where you both said things you possibly don't mean.
04/12/2012 at 08:27
Thanks KK. The thing with him is he refuses to accept he does anything wrong and therefore talking to him is pointless. I wouldn't sat we argue a lot to be honest but it annoys me when it wasn't called for at all. I simply didn't hear what he said. He doesn't go out drinking that often either but when he does he makes up for it, it's usually with clients too so I think he feels he has to keep up with them.
04/12/2012 at 08:52
The bad mother comment is a classic attack comment - it is designed to catch you in a vulnerable area (what mother doesn't worry about being a bad mother???) and is to me playing 'dirty'. To me this sounds abit like one of those circular arguments.
Stepping back from it, it sounds like he is feeling unrecognised for whatever reason (I'm sorry even if I understand I'm not particularly on men's side on the moment) hence the you never listen comment. Do you two get to spend any time together or is it that any social time is spent out on your own with the other at home?
Reading this message back I can't believe what I've typed because my brain is shouting FECKING STUPID MEN!!!!
04/12/2012 at 09:01
Ah WG there must be somethign in the air as my H was a stresshead this morning.
FWIW when me and H argue we both attack the others vulnerable points. I make him feel bad about working all the time and not spenidng as much time as he'd ike with us as a family and he slags me off for beind demanding and money obsessed. It's what humans do, we know how to hurt our loved ones but deep down he doesn't mean it. Try and calm down and talk to him later today. If he's not responsive then tell him to fook off until he's ready to move on.
04/12/2012 at 09:28
P, looking at it from his point of view, I do tend to ask him to repeat things he's said quite a lot because I don't find that he talks clearly enough sometimes or it's as it he's talking really quietly. I know it's not my hearing because I don't have problems with anyone else. As for spending time together, we don't have any problems with that as we do tend to spend a lot of time together. We've also had our own time away from each other in recent months - he was out just last weekend and I recently had a spa break with my friends so I don't think that's one of the problems. On the whole, we get on pretty well I suppose.
KS, sorry to hear your H was a misery this morning too. I'm feeling stubborn today and I really want to be 'off' with him when he comes home. Is that childish?
04/12/2012 at 10:23
Honestly? Yes it is. You need to think of the bigger picture. If you've calmed down then talk to him but don't play silly buggers. If your still angry then talk to him when you calm down.
04/12/2012 at 10:37
Sorry WG, what a horrible start to the day. My H and I have had some corkers in the past, and it's horrible when it spirals like that. I understand why you feel like you want to be off with him tonight, it may be childish but you're probably still likely to be fuming I'm sure. If you can, I'd suggest talking, and try and explain how you feel, but I know that can turn into a row very quickly. I've sent my H emails before as I sometimes find that easier, though I always have made sure they're constructive, but still clear about what I think and feel. Big hug xx
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