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05/04/2013 at 09:15
And I'm peed off about it
I was doing so well having given up the booze at home. It was a major part of my weight loss. However since my sister has moved in & our lives are up in the air, I've had almost a bottle of wine every night this week
I know we are doing the right thing having her with us but it's hard. I come in from work and the house is a tip, kids running around everywhere - hypo & playing when at 7pm it should be winding down time for bed. 3 nights this week I've walked in from work and had to do the kids bedtime; bath, pjs, story bed. For all 3 of them. My sister just sits on her phone or potters about doing stuff that can be done once the kids are asleep. Because she's sleeping in the lounge / dining room our kitchen is pretty much out of bounds once the kids are in bed cos we're scared to wake them up. I can't seem to concentrate on any TV, I'm stuggling to have a conversation with H, I've not seen the girls properly in days let alone my baby, H & I haven't even caught up and discussed my new job, and I'm on the wine to try and help me relax.
I don't know what I'm trying to say here, I'm upset at myself for drinking at home, but equally I feel I need the wine to help me unwind. It won't be forever and we're doing the right thing, I know we are. My H has been a bloody diamond throughout it all as well. But I'm just a bit flat I spose.
05/04/2013 at 09:18
Firsly I can understand you need something
Is there anyway you can put the kids to bed somewhere else and then move them later in the evening?
05/04/2013 at 09:20
Listen up lovely, it's all very well being the one to help your sister out but you need to make some ground rules to stop it meaning your life is being turned upside down.
She needs to be pulling her weight - does she work?
Why isn't she doing her own childrens bedtime?
Don't let another night pass - mention it tonight. Otherwise it will eat you up, then a massive row will happen.
Wine isn't too bad lovely, but it sounds like you need it, just try not to have it every night.
Hugs as I know how tough it is - I've been in your sisters shoes and its not fun that side either. I was always trying too hard to make things as easy for them as possible, but that wasn't right either. Try to establish some losse rules, so that you don't feel as stressed x
05/04/2013 at 09:26
QI we've suggested she puts the girls to bed in our bed then moves them later but apparently they are light sleepers and that wouln't work.
1stBaby - her kids go to bed later than Louie does, I'm not even sure they ever had a routine. I've been on phone to her in past at almost 9pm and they kids were still up watching TV. So that's why I'm insisting on getting them to sleep earlier so we have an evening. She works full time, is back by 5ish and has been putting washing on / sorting out dinners and stuff, it's just the bed and bath thing. The girls are with their dad tonight and she's out with some mates, then next week she's away at a caravan break and we are the end of the week so that will be better But I know I need to talk to her about it.
Oh and my poor little niece broke her arm on Wednesday. She's in a cast.
05/04/2013 at 09:29
I would need wine in your situation too!! This with your sister has happened at a difficult time when you should be settling into your new job and finding your feet with the new routine this brings. I think doing bedtime is the least your sister could do. It's always going to be hectic with all those kids in a restricted space and there's nothing you can do until they move out but you need to think about the things that are really bothering you and see if there are ways you can adjust things even if only a little bit to make a difference? I wouldn't worry too much about the wine, it's only short-term after all and needs must!! I think your H is an angel, mine would be going off his head at having so many people in the house for this amount of time!
05/04/2013 at 09:34
I would find that so stressful too, I need my wind down time let alone the kids! I would definitely suggest/enforce an earlier bedtime for all the children, get her to help. Just ask her to run the bath or get all their pyjamas together or something then she can't go and do other things.
05/04/2013 at 09:35
I want to do L's bedtime. It's the only time I get to see him now so that's very important to me. But equally I think she should be doing the girls. L won't want to go to bed if his cousins are up playing still. We're all trying to adjust I just feel that if it were me camping out in someones house I'd be doing more...
05/04/2013 at 09:39
Is it just bedtime that there is an issue with mainly?
05/04/2013 at 09:40
Do you think maybe this was why your mum didn't want her to stay with her then as opposed to the money issue?
Just thinking from her POV. Maybe she is feeling unable to take charge of her life nad needs help in sorting herself out? Look at me 9 months ago talking about asking Ex to look at houses with me because I wasn't used to makign decisions for myself, maybe this is what is happenign here and she needs help to take charge of everything.
Poor neice aswell
05/04/2013 at 09:43
WHo is sleeping in the lounge?
05/04/2013 at 09:47
Yes just bedtime really as that is when I'm coming home from work. I get in at just gone 7pm. I'd would hope the kids would be bated and in pjs by this time so I can play with L a little, then do story and bed. Its the fact I have had to come in, run a bath, get them all in the bath etc etc bedtimes have been gone 8pm!
My sister and her two girls are on a sofabed in the lounge. L is in his own bed.
QI - No, it's not that at all. Mum clearly said it's because she would lose her social money. Why would bedtimes affect my mum who has no dependants and doesn't work?
I totally see your point about she might need some guidance and someone to take the reigns. I've said it myself to H.
05/04/2013 at 09:54
BelleQI - No, it's not that at all. Mum clearly said it's because she would lose her social money. Why would bedtimes affect my mum who has no dependants and doesn't work?
I was meaning that your sister is currently fairly rudderless and needs someone to guide her and maybe your mum couldn't be bothered with that extra work. Why would it bother your mum? Cause it is a lot of extra bloody work and maybe she couldn't be arsed with it.
Anyway I def think ground rules need to be drawn up, if her kids are used to be up at gone nine then to ahve bed time at 8pm shows you ahve amde a massive improvement. Although it could again be argued that it isn't your responsibility to be doing this.
05/04/2013 at 09:56
Either way QI my mum is a selfish c u n t. End of. She turned her back on her daughter & grandkids when she needed her
Ok...first thing I would tackle is bedtime. Ask her and your H to make sure the kids have been bathed, or are ready to be bathed before you get in.
As the lounge is out, can you and your H go and watch a film in your bedroom? That way you get to spend time with him and your sister gets some time alone too?
Maybe she isnt quite sure where she stands either?
Having some house rules - not too strict - but at least you all know what to expect of the other.
05/04/2013 at 09:58
Nope, no TV in our bedroom. I get what your saying. Once bedtime is sorted I'll be happy I think. I feel better for ranting about it here.
05/04/2013 at 10:21
Or just go to bed for naughty times?!
05/04/2013 at 10:22
Want to borrow a TV for your room?
Could you get out this weekend? Sunday, you H and the kids and have some family time? You sound like you need A little quiet, concentrate on your lot for a moment kind of time?
Would your mum and dad not help in anyway and have your sisters children over one night so you can have a bit more of a chill out night?
Your H sounds like a saint.
Don't beat yourself up about the wine, you've done it before and you'll do it again. It's a treat you need at the moment and you can afford to have a little melt down now your a skinny mini.
Maybe try a get a little more of routine, ground rules in for next week? Children to be more settled at the time your goin to be getting in from work. Will your sisters be going back to school soon?
I have a sister that is constantly on her phone and leaves her child to others to tell off or sort out and it's not on we are always telling her. She does need to help make this as comfortable for you and your family as possible x
05/04/2013 at 10:25
PS another suggestion. Lou sleeps on a blow up bed in your room and let F and L have Louie's bed. that way they are asleep, not in your area and your downstairs is your home again.
05/04/2013 at 10:59
No ipad, no naughty times with so many people in the house!
Thanks for the offer but no thanks, don't want TV in bedroom. And ceratinly not moving L into our room, there is no space, sleeping arranagemenmts are fine as they are.
Next week she's away and then we are then it's back to school. I'll tell her kids need to be bathed before I get home.
I'm more peed off at my drinking!
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