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21/03/2013 at 10:42
So the person I'm talking about is L, she is wife fairly recent wife of my fil. He met her online, married her and had her shipped over from columbia. H once stumbled across a printed out email where they had agreed that he would look after her and her daughter financially in return for love, sex etc. H and I have never liked this I woman, she is very fake, only cares about shoes, handbags, clothes and has made us feel very unwelcome in what used to be H's family home. She has got rid of every shred of evidence that fil had a previous life and children ie. photos, trophies, other nik naks. Despite this we made an effort to speak to her whenever we were there (she doesn't speak much English at all).
At Christmas we stayed there for a few nights and it wasn't until we got there we were told that the spare room where my son usually sleeps is being used by her friends. So poor N had to sleep on a made up bed on the floor of 'our' room. Then one of the nights she and her friends stayed up talking and drinking - fair enough except they got louder and louder and were right underneath our room, they could have moved but didnt. It went on until 4am, we'd been awake all night, I was 6 months pregnant and knackered enough as it was. I went downstairs and said rather sternly 'please can you be quiet, you are being so loud, you've kept us awake all night. I'm *** livid.' Then stomped back upstairs. The next morning I said 'good morning' to L hoping that she would say sorry and we could clear the air. instead she got right up in my face and wagging her finger said 'never ever speak like that again' and walked off, my response was 'aren't you going to say sorry for keeping us up all night?' No reply.
She'd been a bit unwell with her asthma and in the end went to a&e with it and got some more drugs. It wasn't until we got home my mil told H that L had been telling people I put her under so much stress that she ended up in hospital. That's right, I ask her to be quiet and apparently this makes her have asthma! I refrained from sending her a message telling her what I thought of her and decided to just ignore her.
Now for my point/dilemma: we are hoping to go back and get A christened sometime in the next few months and I don't want this woman there. She will ruin the day for me, hovering around with her fake smile. I can't stand her and don't want someone who spreads lies about me at my daughter's christening. H however thinks I will make things very awkward (for him I'm guessing when he has to tell his dad that she's not welcome). H hates confrontation of any sort (due to his parents divorce when he was little so it does make me feel a bit bad) BUT I will tell fil myself if needs be why exactly I don't want her there. L also hates my mil and won't let her talk to fil even though they divorced 20 odd years ago and have remained friendly ever since So it would also be an awkward situation there. We will only be having closest family and a couple of friends who are godparents so it's not like I could even pretend she's not there.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I suck it up and maybe be the bigger person even though I despise the thought of her being there?
21/03/2013 at 10:53
I'd suck it up sorry. She sounds horrendous but is it worth a family drama? I wouldn't put your H or FIL in such an awkward position. If it were me, I'd purposely not speak to (or even acknowledge) her at the Christening but I wouldn't stop her attending.
What a weird situation your FIL has got himself into!!
21/03/2013 at 11:17
Yep would also suck it up. You may find she doesnt want to be there anyway.
21/03/2013 at 11:26
I am afraid that I would as well, it would just cause too much hassle long term
21/03/2013 at 11:31
Damn why are you all so mature
i just really don't want her thinking that I don't know what she said about me or that I think I was in the wrong. I want her to know that I don't want her there but am letting her anyway for the sake of fil. Gah if I didn't think fil would get it in the ear she would be left out but I fear she may get revenge in the future somehow.
21/03/2013 at 13:00
The thing is, she is married to your FIL. That means you have to extend the same courtesy to her that you would to another family member even though she doesn't extend it back.
It also means that you have to accept that its her house now, so she can do what she likes with it. And perhaps shouting at her in the middle of the night wasn't that tactful (I know she wasn't being tactful either).
If you keep smiling and sucking it up, then maybe your FIL will see her for what she really is. Or maybe he's so pleased to have someone in his life again that he will go on overlooking the other things.
Unfortunately we can't control the way that others in our family behave. But your H would obviously not want to fall out with his dad if he can help it. So, really, the best you can do is support him in that.
21/03/2013 at 13:15
Fil knows what she is like, he escapes for the weekend when he is allowed and signed his house over to H and his sister so she can never get her hands on it.
I didn't actually shout but I accept I could have left out the last bit, that was rage talking. I'm actually wondering if she will have the balls to show her face there, I don't think I would if I were her.
21/03/2013 at 13:20
Of course, its easier for us, because we're on the outside. I'm not sure I'd be so polite if someone behaved like that with my FIL.
21/03/2013 at 13:43
i'd tell her to f**k off...then i'd have to apologise for being brattish and hot headed & invite her anyway....SO for you, i'd just accept it and ignore her. she might not even want to come! x
21/03/2013 at 13:52
I would tell her you know she is spreading lies about you and that you don't like her and she is a glorified hooker (out of ear shot of anyone) then invite her anyway and ignore the whore.
I am in a mood today, can you tell?
21/03/2013 at 14:04
Twink and LP you took the words right out of my mouth
i like to think I'm a reasonable person but when someone crosses me that's the end of it, they get cut out. Unfortunately she will always be there... I feel sorry for fil really as he's not got a nasty bone in his body and clearly just wanted company but has gone about it the wrong way and ended up with a gold digging wench. There's no fool like an old fool huh?!
21/03/2013 at 14:55
I wonder why your FIL is still with her if he tries to escape and has signed the house over to his children.
21/03/2013 at 14:56
I could have sworn I'd replied to this!!
Was just going to say that unfortunately you probably do have to invite her as the fallout isn't worth it. But wanted to send sympathy! You can't choose your family and sadly you can't choose their partners either hey!
21/03/2013 at 15:24
Thanks saisi! Kelfi no idea, I think he's just protecting his children's inheritance maybe. Also he probably didn't realise how jealous and untrusting she is before she moved in with him!
21/03/2013 at 20:12
You see I don't think it was that bad that L had to sleep on the floor and I do think it was inappropriate for you to tell her off for the way she was behaving in her house.
BUT I wouldn't invite her. If you don't want someone at an event of yours why should you invite her? I'm mature in a different way Set down with OH and discuss why he feels she should be there if he doesn't like her? And if he doesn't mind ehr being there then you'll have to suck it up for his sake.
Crappy situation mind
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