General Chat, Products & Comps <
03/01/2014 at 09:49
03/01/2014 at 09:53
ALWAYS! in advance
03/01/2014 at 09:54
Go for it
03/01/2014 at 10:01
You don't need to ask! Sending you a hug
03/01/2014 at 10:02
Huge Friday hug for you Carole!
03/01/2014 at 10:06
my sister told me she is pregnant again this Christmas (3rd child). It's floored me.
03/01/2014 at 10:09
I feel so sad.
we finally have the genetic meeting on 10th January, a year after we went down this path, to discuss results. they could be all clear, there could be issues, we haven't been given any indication.
I haven't told my husband about my sister's news because I don't want us going into the meeting with this affecting any decisions.
I can't talk to anyone in RL.
Oh Carole massive I can imagine some of the feelings, not all of them but a lot of them
03/01/2014 at 10:15
Actually I'm going to voice some of them because I have felt them, anger and jealousy and sadness and grief all over again. A lot of DTCers etc have felt them and then you feel awful for feeling them because you aren't that sort of person and you feel you have to hide it and it feels like a knot inside.
03/01/2014 at 10:18
I'm fell like I might unravel. her last pregnancy (and my SIL was pregnant at the same time) came as Luke was 2 years old and it hit me hard. I distanced myself from her and fell in a bit of depression. Piled on the weight and lost my confidence. I've worked really hard in the last 12 months to shift the weight and rebuild my self esteem. I know I can't pin my own happiness on my sister's life but I can feel we are heading in different directions again and I am spiralling. I think the other sadness come from the fact that she must be happy and secure in her relationship to be expecting another baby and me and my husband are not even close enough to consider a baby right now, even if the genetic results are good. I know some of this is down to the pressure of waiting for the results and the limbo we are in and not being able to move forward, but also there is the fact that our relationship took a big hit when Luke was poorly and I don't think we will ever get back to the point where we are as close of we were when we first conceived Luke.
03/01/2014 at 10:22
I should have seen it coming.
All it needs now is for my SIL to announce she is pregnant too. they both were due at the same time with their first and second children.
It is a big knot.
03/01/2014 at 10:29
*Carole* I think the other sadness come from the fact that she must be happy and secure in her relationship to be expecting another baby
For some people they have babies when they aren't happy and secure and they do it to try and make themselves feel happy and secure because it is what they can do. Don't try and analyse their reasons for doing it, there could be so many.
All you can do is work on your own feelings. I can entirely understand the distancing thing. It is logical to want to pull away from something that hurts you, even if it is entirely done unintentionally. On NYE during the day I met up with a friend and was talking about my feelings about having another baby and realised I have surrounded myself with friends now that won't be having more children and have pulled back from those that might have more.
03/01/2014 at 10:36
I'm sure things will be much clearer in 2 weeks time and I can stop projecting my feeling on my sister's news and talk more openly and rationally about it. I don't even want to ring my mum because I know it's conflicting emotions for her, of course she is excited to be a granny again but knows this is difficult for me too and I don't want to have to lie to her to protect her.
03/01/2014 at 10:39
I can't imagine all that you are feeling but I do know what it's like to want a child and be getting no where whilst those around you seem to have children easily. It's really hard to feel like that. Sending you a hug.
03/01/2014 at 10:55
Huge hug Carole. I hope the meeting goes well and I really hope that you and your H can work on your relationship. I can't pretend to know what you are going through, but can relate to those feelings. After miscarrying I found out my SIL was pregnant and I felt no happiness for her whatsoever and I wallowed in self pity for ages. It's normal to have such feelings. And QI is right re couples having babies even when they don't have a strong relationship. a month before SIL announced she was pregnant, BIL was talking to my husband about leaving her for someone else (he did this when she was pregnant with her first too!) Hope you are ok xxxxxxx
03/01/2014 at 10:58
Oh Carole, that's so rotten. Well done you for articulating all of that. It makes perfect sense and you have every right to feel like that. It's a massive deal. Can't offer anything but a big hug (((Carole)))
03/01/2014 at 11:00
Sending hugs it must be so hard for you. Sorry I've got nothing useful to add xx
03/01/2014 at 11:03
Actually to further what WS said, my Ex was quite happily discussing us havign our third baby the week before he left me and moved in with another woman. He actually encouraged me to speak to the consultant to arrange a meeting to discuss treatment options etc whilst I was pregnant.
And I really hope this isn't an inappropriate comment to make but the fact that you and your OH are still together after all you have been through shows that you must have a strong foundation to your relationship
03/01/2014 at 11:06
Oh Carole. It's no wonder you are floored by this, especially as the genetics meeting is so close and will be playing on your mind. Are you sure about not telling your H yet?
Massive hugs to you, I can't comprehend how difficult the last few years have been for you, and it's still not over when you have the genetics results hanging over you. With regards to your mum, how would she feel if she thought you were bearing this on your own and didn't want to talk to her for fear of upsetting her.
Remember that your feelings are as valid as anyone else's, no matter the circumstances
Would you consider asking your gp to send you for counseling if you can't feel you can talk to your family/H? What about asking your H to go to couples counselling as a way to work through your feelings and where you are both at? It sounds from what you say that even if the genetics meetings is a positive one (and i desperately hope it is) you could do with talking through where you go next.
Lots of love to you, I wish I could give you a proper hug xx
03/01/2014 at 11:08
I am really scared about things
lots of conflicting thoughts about the meeting
what If can have another baby? what if I go full term? what if I bring a healthy baby home?will this be disloyal to Luke?
what If I am ill gain? how will we cope with another special care stay?
what if we have missed the boat with our relationship? what if the age gap is too big?
what I can't cope mentally with another pregnancy? what if there are too many horrible memories? I know too much about problems and babies who are poorly.
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