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25/06/2013 at 13:12
Ella came home with a bruised eye today. On Sunday she had a mark on her back and before we left to go to the UK there were numerous incidents. It's all from the same little boy and I'm so cross. I have a meeting tomorrow at nursery and suspect the child's mum has been called in too. It will be awkward as I know the mother from previous baby groups. IEven though nursery finishes for Ella on Thursday, she's going to summer camp there and the boy will be attending some weeks too. How on earth do they stop it though? My poor little girl is really upset by this and doesn't want to go to nursery in the mornings which is so unlike her. Any advice on what I do and say tomorrow or what is likely to happen?
25/06/2013 at 14:01
Poor Ella, no idea what they can do, but hopefully they'll have some ideas and be able to reassure you that they can put a stop to it
25/06/2013 at 14:41
Poor Ella. When you go in be really firm, but fair, with the nursery - let them know you're not happy and how upset Ella is about going in now because of this.
Ask for a copy of their bullying policy if they have one and make sure they're following it. Ask them what their procedure is when incidents happen. Tell them you're not happy for the two children to interact until this problem is resolved.
(This is from primary school experience, am not 100% on nursery rules!)
25/06/2013 at 15:03
Thanks both. Ella's no angel but I can't believe she's upsetting this boy enough to warrant the bearings every time they are in nursery together. She won't hit back either. Will bear that in mind Sshh, I'm sure her teachers dealing with it but I want it to stop. Her little friend was kicked in the shin by him today too- the mother has text me as her daughter told her Ella was also hurt. Not looking forward to this.
25/06/2013 at 15:10
Well, as you know, it is not surprising for little children to behave like this. Awful when your child is on the receiving end of it.
The nursery should have a policy for dealing with it. In the UK they wouldn't identify the other child to you - so I used to find out from my daughter later on - this went both ways as they wouldn't tell me which child she'd hit when she'd done the hitting either. So I wouldn't expect the other mum to be there at the same time. But it might be different over there.
I would want to know:
What they are doing to try to stop the behaviour.
Have the identified trigger points for the boy - so is it tiredness/hunger/too many children in one space. What causes him to do the hitting. Is it conflicts over toys, etc.
The nursery should be watching him carefully to ensure that they avoid or defuse as many trigger points as possible.
It might be that they make sure the two are separated during certain activities.
You need to find out if it conflict in which E is a part of it, or is she minding her own business and he comes over and makes trouble.
Fortunately there were only a couple of incidents at my daughter's nursery. And nothing ongoing from the same child. We used to tell her just go away from the other child and to tell her careworker if there was a problem. But its hard because they are so little still and not necessarily good at controlling their emotions.
25/06/2013 at 15:19
Ella told me his name and her teacher confirmed it today when I asked. The teacher has emailed to confirm tomorrow. The mother will be attending a meeting afterwards which is probably best. She has also explained what happened today as she didn't get chance at pick up. The incident was unprovoked. E was sat playing with a toy the boy wanted so he kicked her in the face... It's so upsetting to hear that. I actually assumed Ella had perhaps taken a toy, got in his way or something. Not looking forward to tomorrow. Thank you Cedar.
25/06/2013 at 15:36
Ah goodness, no advice, but poor Ella
25/06/2013 at 17:16
We are on the other side, A is rather boisterous, he's 20 months, but with a 5.5 year old brother, he is rather rough and tumble, at home they play fight, A can tackle N to the floor and then sits on him, and yes he gets carried away and bites, we do no all the time and take A away and tell him not to, but it's still a game for him, we've told nursery that they have to watch him and he will grow out of it, he also isn't the only one, they have a lot of problems with the second children, However, when N was at nursery he was always getting bitten and we weren't happy about it. Nurseries are very limited to what they can do. I suggest that you have to stress to the nursery that you would like them kept apart as much as possible.
25/06/2013 at 17:18
Poor ella. hope the meeting goes well tomorrow. Keep up posted
25/06/2013 at 18:10
Cleo- E used to hit around the same age as your little one and we managed to put a swift end to it with the help of her teacher. At 3 years, I think it's more of an issue, especially if it is happening every time she is in nursery. He is an only child too.
Kelifi/Belle- thank you. She told her dad what had happened as soon as he walked through the door today and considering i have avoided mentioning it, she's obviously upset by it (and wanted extra daddy attention!) ! I'lll let you know how we get one tomorrow.
25/06/2013 at 18:18
I take it tell her to hit him back isn't the kind of advice you are looking for?
Hope nursery are able to plan something tomorrow, sounds like they are being proactive in trying to deal with it.
Good luck at the meeting, keep us informed!
25/06/2013 at 18:23
I have thought about it Weekender She doesn't hit back though, just gets very upset...
25/06/2013 at 20:51
I don't agree that there's not much the nursery can do. If the boy is consistently behaving like thisxgowards E and or other children then it has to be tackled. Just as a parent would tackle it if it was happening in their presence. So they need a plan of how they will tackle it. Ensuring he and E are safe and happy. That the boy is praised when he does well and is punished when he doesn't. That flash points are avoided. If there is a particular toy he likes and fights for then this may need to be removed.
And I hope they are making him say sorry and they need to do some work with him on emotions and managing them appropriately.
Hope it goes OK tomorrow.
25/06/2013 at 20:55
Poor Ella and poor you, must be horrible for you both. Hope everything goes well at the meeting xx
25/06/2013 at 20:59
I'm another that had a very boisterous second child and I'm dreading it getting called in for things like this when J starts preschool in September. I hate it when E has come home saying that someone has hurt her and especially it must be hard when it's becoming a regular occurrence. I hope the meeting proves fruitful.
25/06/2013 at 23:14
In this country - It would be good for him to have an individual behaviour plan, and an incident log which records what happens prior to the incident, waht the incident is, and how it is dealt with. The behaviour plan would detail exactly what they are going to do to tackle this behaviour. They might well need to reallocate staff to track him around the nursery and observe him in the short term. They have a duty of care to protect the other children in the nursery, and should be able to demonstrate that they are taking steps with the child and the parent concerned to address this behaviour. Ultimately they can ask the child to leave if it is a private nursery. (He can also be asked to leave if it is a state nursery).
He might have issues above and beyond general boisterousness or lack of social ettiquette, ie, learning difficulties, or delay, etc, that they might or might not have identified yet.
They don't have to tell you personally about any of the above, as it is directly about another child, but they should be able to tell you their plan for keeping Ella and her friends safe and happy whilst they are at nursery and telling you that they are taking steps to address what is happening.
26/06/2013 at 04:11
It is a British nursery so I assume they'll do similar Caterina. All I want is reassurance that steps are going to be taken to keep Ella away from the boy. I do think this is more than a boisterous child- to bruise her so frequently, he must be really kicking out
H can't make the meeting with me either today. Typical.
26/06/2013 at 06:48
Sounds awful and more than just a bit boisterous. Poor E. hope the meeting us productive
26/06/2013 at 08:46
Let us know how you get on x
26/06/2013 at 09:07
Just got back.
There have been issues for a long time with the little boy. His mother and father told the nursery that they did not believe in disciplining children when he first started so warning bells obviously rang out then. I was informed that he has a tendency to stroke girls hair and then pull it hard, he pushes children to get them out of his way but as he is a big boy, it is done with quite some force and often causes injury to his little victim. The nursery believe a lot of his agression is down to the fact that he hasn't been taught that it is wrong to behave in a certain way. Fortunately there have been steps put in place for this little boy and the mother has come around to the idea of discipline in the form of rewards... Both nursery and home have introduced a star chart to reward good behaviour which they feel is working. The teacher makes a big fuss of good behaviour and deals with bad behaviour immediately by removing him from the rest of his class mates (she has spoken to his mother and is trying to ensure this continues at home). The boy had been separated from the other children until last Sunday- during story/circle/snack/lunch times he had to sit next to the teacher and during outdoor play, a TA was assigned to follow him around constantly. His teacher did say however, that this had caused him some upset and distress as he didn't understand why he wasn't allowed to sit by his peers. I'm happy that they are taking steps to make a difference but I was still seething over the kick to the head which Ella's teacher was clearly very upset about and she said she was clearing lunch with the TAs as it happened and was very regretful that she had not got to him in time to stop it.
I bumped into the mother as we were leaving. A little awkward but she spoke to me after I said hello (she clearly knew why I was there). She apologised for her sons behaviour and said she really hoped he hadn't hurt Ella (obviously he has ) It was quite sad as she genuinely looked upset. I just hope it all gets better quickly!
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