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11/07/2013 at 13:24
Connected to the other thread, how good is your partner at discliplining your children?
I'm not the type of parent to be strict about things for the sake of it, and I'm sure our standards would be very relaxed by some. But for the good of Miss CV herself and our mental health, I know I have to set limits and boundaries, and I think I'm quite good at it - firm but fair. But Mr CV doesnt seem to at all, and of course that means he is Mr fun parent and I am mean old mummy. Miss CV is nearly 4 now and a total daddy's girl. We take it in turns to do bedtime and she cries for him most nights and has started to tell me and him (and god knows who else) that she likes him more than me and while she's allowed to have her preference (that's how bloody fair I am! I never let her see that she upsets me and tell her that it's ok to like daddy more), it does p*ss me off - it's hurtful and I cant help but feel that her preference is at least partly down to his lazy parenting, and if I choose to let myself not care about how we're raising her, then she'd like me as much.
I have countless examples, but yesterday, for example, she was out at the beach with me ALL day, we had so much fun. Then we got home, he played with her in the garden and we all ate dinner outside. By this stage it was almost 7, and we both agreed that we needed to sit down before bed (he'd been working all day and although I'd been having fun, I'm 3rd tri, had been doing chores since we got in and was shattered). So, I am in doing the dishes, and Miss CV asks him to play with water balloons. If she'd asked me, she would have got a firm 'no honey, it's nearly bedtime and everyone is tired. we're going to go in and watch a little bit of TV before bed'. And that would have been the end of it. Instead I hear cr*p like 'oh I dont know honey' and her whinging and whining, while he's half heartedly humming and haa-ing, then the ultimate effing kick in the teeth - him shouting 'CV, are we allowed to play with water balloons?' Like how is that fair, why do I have to be the effing bad guy? And he does this ALL THE TIME. Every unpopular decision is handed over to me, even when he's as behind it as I am.
Similar story in the supermarket last week - I'm in bloody supermarkets all the time, Miss CV happily has a nosy in the toy aisle when we have time. She'll sometimes ask for something but she is toldly firmly (but not angrily) that she cant have something every time we go to a shop and maybe she might want to think about whether she'd like it for her birthday, and that's the end of it. No tears, no tantrums, no problems. So we go with Mr CV last week. It was actually for a birthday present, so the toy aisle was our destination. I left them there to grab a card and the next thing they come round the corner to me and she says all smiles 'daddy says i can get something'. He starts making panicked faces at me. Now I had no qualms about him buying her something - if he wants to set himself up for this sh*t that's his call, but even in this example, I just calmly said 'that's great' and he then starts blustering and retracting and saying that he didnt actually say he would buy her something, he said they could go and ask mummy if she could have something. I tried to calmly explain that I wasnt buying her anything but that daddy was welcome to, but of course he doesnt actually want to and she doesnt understand what the hell's going on&n
11/07/2013 at 13:36
Not very good! His dad was vvvvv strict on him and his sister, so his sister opts for absolutely no discipline and h isn't much better , it takes a lot for h to tell them off, he just can't do it, he says he never wants them to be scared of him like he was his dad so he has to bloody get me to do it. The one time he went mad (shouting) was last year when L walked up to him and bit him (he was 3.5 and intentionally did it) he shouted at him but then felt guilty afterwards.
11/07/2013 at 16:15
He's not always brilliant - I think I do more of it. He doesn't always give her enough of a chance using 1,2,3 to actually change her behaviour before he's upped the ante.
I think with preferences you have to live with it and not take it personally. Girls love their Daddies and often prefer the parent they haven't seen all day.
And I don't worry about bring seen as the bad cop as I try to remember its not a popularity contest. Maybe its because shes fickle and sometimes I'm preferred parent and sometimes I'm not but I really don't mind if she tells me she doesn't like me. I remind myself that tomorrow she will.
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