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07/02/2013 at 11:48
They say you can't choose them, it's a shame because at the moment i wouldn't choose mine.
I'm going to my first slimming world class tonight, i'm going to the one my sister and her H go to, that was part of the appeal, i'd be able to go along with them as i won't know anyone there. I've just had a text off her saying "hope i don't offend you but would you mind if we just meet you at the meeting rather than turning up together as it's time i like to spend with my H" I text her back saying "i'll pretend i don't know you, is that ok?"
3 out of the 4 thursdays H will be able to have the children whilst i'm there. One thursday a month he will be working a late shift, and so i said to my mum (who looks after my niece whilst my S and BIL are at SW) if she'd have my two whilst i'm there too. You should have heard her moan, saying it's not fair that for the one night a week my dad has to do his own tea whilst she i looking after my niece and so she won't be able to have my two. It's one hour once a month! She had my niece every week anyway, so what difference would having 2 more children make?
I never ask her to have my children other than when H and I are at work, and she said that she was fine with that when i was pregnant with E. If i need a babysitter outside of us being at work then i either ask my grandparents or the children's god parents. Not that H and i go out much anyway, perhaps once every couple of months if that. We tend to arrange nights out with friends so that one of us can have the children instead.
I just feel so pee'd off with them at the moment, but am scared to say anything to mum in case she turns around and says she won't have the children anymore. I feel like since my niece has come along my two don't matter anymore. My niece is 5 months old, and my mum had had her over night at least 4 times since she was born. My two haven't stopped over at my parents so H and I can have a night out together since S was born, he's one in a couple of weeks.
07/02/2013 at 12:29
Your sister uses SW as quality time with her hubby? I find that a tad odd, so you can't get a lift with them? Can you get your own way there easily?
If I was you I would probably miss the week that your hubby can't look after children for you, I wouldn't want anyone looking after my kids after them making it clear it was too much hassle for them.
I would be feeling pretty fed up if I was you, my family have been very supportive of my attempt at weightloss, it's a positive move, it's not like you're asking your mum to babysit so you can hit the shops or pub!
Hope you're ok Chids
07/02/2013 at 12:32
07/02/2013 at 12:34
I agree with Lennonluver, I can understand why you'd feel p'd off. I too would miss that week, I'm sure it wouldn't matter so much at SW. At least that way your not 'putting' your mum out? As for going to SW and meeting your sister, I'd go and talk to others, let them see that you don't need them to hold your hand. Well done for taking the plunge at SW. I would go with you if I was near you?! X
07/02/2013 at 12:38
I'm not sure what to say C, just I feel sorry for you everyone sounds quite cruel there especially your sister. X
You seem such a lovely person Chids but I don't necessarily agree with you on this.
Yeah, your sisters behaviour is a bit odd to me but hey that's her choice. Yep, it seems a bit mean but perhaps her H has said, blummin eck, this is the only time or hobby they have together and worried you're going to gossip with her rather than having couple time. However unusual the setting might be!
Your parents do a lot for you already - I don't think it's unreasonable of them to not want to have yours too. Maybe they like that time one on one with their other grandchild?
I used paid babysitters - I understand the cost of that but as you say it's only an hour or so, maybe it'd be good for the kids too!
At the end of the day, it's their choice. You can't do anything about it and don't waste time feeling angry. You're onto a good thing with SW - keep focussed on that x
07/02/2013 at 12:53
I'm with Beez on this. I bet your sisters H has said something and I would think she feels awkward telling you she wants you to make your own way there. As for your mum, I don't think I'd ask mine to have my children on the same day that she was having my sisters, it's a bit much. Can you ask someone else to babysit or pay someone to do it for that one night?
Sorry, probably not what you want to hear but I wouldn't be getting annoyed with family over this- it's not worth it x
07/02/2013 at 12:54
Sorry chids but I agree with Beez. Your parents look after your LO's while you are at work which is great so I don't think I'd be asking for extra, even though its only an hour. Also your sisters baby is only 5m so doesn't 'do' a lot, whereas your two will take more looking after - not sure that's come across how I wanted it to but don't know how else to word it.
Could you not take the kids with you? Don't let this put you off though. On the once a month that your H isn't able to have the kids could you not go to a different class that week? Either a one straight after or before work or just a different night time class?
07/02/2013 at 13:21
Thanks for the opinions as outsiders, i appreciate it. Perhaps i'm feeling a bit off at the moment which is perhaps why i took it to heart more than i normally would.
I could take the children with me, they're well behaved, but i wanted to check that it would be ok with the SW leader before i turned up with my brood.
As for BIL, yes, he probably has said something to my sister. He doesn't mix well with our family, tbh he's a git, and we've never got on, and so they are probably words from his mouth rather than my sisters.
As for my parents having them all the time, my mum perhaps has them 3 days a week at the most, H works shifts and so some weeks (like this one) She had them on Tuesday for 2 hours, and she's got them today all day. That's it. So it's not as though she's got them 37 hours a week or anything.
Another thing that narked me was that on tuesday i wasn't allowed to stop my mum's for a couple of hours after work as i had planned to do so that i could see my dad when he got home from work about 6pm. In the past i'd have stopped with the kids and had tea with them, however on tuesday my sister and niece were stopping over for the night as BIL was away with work for the night, and so mum said she'd perfer it if i went home with the kids as she'd only got enough chicken out for the 3 of them.
07/02/2013 at 13:56
Maybe it's worth having a chat with your mum sometime about it. If you explain how you feel she might be able to reassure you or at least explain why?
I've had similar situations in my family - I think a lot of Hitchers would understand. Maybe invite your mum over for dinner one night. Hope you resolve it soon x
07/02/2013 at 14:01
Thanks Beez, i just feel 2nd choice at the moment for everything, and feel like just turning to them all and saying stuff you. I guess as long as H and I and the babies are ok, that's all that matters.
07/02/2013 at 14:15
It's a bit odd that you couldn't go over as planned but I doubt she realised she had hurt you. Talk to her. I often felt second to my sister when I was at home- if I drove past my sisters house and saw my mums car there I'd get annoyed as she rarely came to visit E in comparison and it was always me making the effort. I think my mother regrets it now as she rarely sees her only granddaughter as we live 3000 miles away. Families are funny things and its true that your little family is what's important now. Try not to take it to heart, I know that's easier said than done xx
07/02/2013 at 14:31
Don't take it to heart, try not to. And 'only three days at the most' for two young children, I actually think that's quite a lot. And, don't forget, your mum has been looking after yours for a while whereas your sister's child is brand new. For all you know, before her baby arrived, your sister may have been worrying/commenting on how your mum always has your children round there and how is there going to room for her baby to get a look in?
As we all know, looking after young babies/children is hard work. Grandparents should have a different relationship with their grandchildren and, in many ways, it is up to them to indicate how often they are willing to help. I consider my mum to be helpful but it would be a huge favour for her to look after my child every week.
And, although it hurts you, I don't think its unreasonable of your mum to say that she doesn't have enough food in the house to feed all of you on that one occasion.
07/02/2013 at 16:30
I know you're disappointed and feeling hurt. But I agree with Cedar. I can also understand your sister and her husband wanting some time together on their own, it's a funny setting but if they have a 5 month old baby then they probably don't get out that much as a couple without the baby.
Good luck with SW.
07/02/2013 at 16:35
I agree I can see why your upset and I would feel abit put out too if they had my nice and not mine but then (coming from someone who has never had any childcare help while at work) I think you are really lucky. As everyone else said I would miss the week when h is at work x
08/02/2013 at 08:45
Thanks for your opinions, and thoughts. Malteaser, they get more time out on their own that H and I do, they were out last friday night and my mum had my niece overnight, so it's not as though they don't get time on their own. Her H works monday to friday and is home at night, my H works shifts and we get three days a month off together, so if anyone needs the quality time it's H and I.
Anyway, as got the slimming world class, i went on my own to the earlier class, i thought that if they wanted to be on their own then they could. There was loads of people there, and they were all friendly and the leader was lovely, there's also a woman who goes in our group that i did a course with years ago, so i kind of "know" her, although she didn't stay for the meeting last night, she might be there in other weeks.
08/02/2013 at 09:36
That's fantastic child's x
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