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21/03/2013 at 08:50
He is constantly getting on my nerves at the moment, the biggie is that he won't discuss our finances towards the end of the year, burying his head in te sand Because he knows we have to move up north To my family. I have to keep bringing it up as it's April soon and we're up a creek come September! I think because of this he is just winding me up everywhere else. I just feel like I have two boys to look after.
mum's booked tickets to Cats next month for my birthday, it'll be my first evening/bedtime away from Z. I'm petrified as H is getting bored with Z's routine already, trying to cut corners and then not getting up to help me to deal with consequences in the night so I bollocked him last night When I found out what he was doing.
i have to suggest what could be wrong when Zach cries, suggest a nappy change etc. otherwise H will just stare at him Or keep trying to stimulate him. Yet he feels he's in a position to wake up at 6am to Zach crying after a bad night, that he mostly slept through, to suggest he may need a nappy change! Well, what would I have done without that insight from father of the year!
i've made him book some time off so he can spend some time with his son on his own and I can have some alone time, but as ever, he'll insist we do it all as a family all the bloody time. He brings work home most nights yet it took him 3 weeks of nagging to book time off. I just feel like we come second now, that he doesn't care about us or my state of mind etc. we have conversations, agree something and then he does something different if anything at all.
He loves his son, that is obvious but I'm not sure how he feels about me these days. I'm just not sure he realises how I'm feeling, even though I'm telling him.
And don't get me started on sex... It's a year soon since we DTD. He's not even hinting at getting it back which is making me more and more nervous too. Why not?
21/03/2013 at 08:55
MB you've said it straight away. Becuase of the impending move and finance issues everything else he does is winding you up even more. With regards to the night out, he will cope fine with Z. You'll find men often act ignorant if we are around because well we just tend to get on with it. I think the idea of him spending time with Z on his own is great and no matter what he insists make sure you've booked yourself elsewhere, even if it means sitting in the car round the corner. If H thinks you're out then he will have to deal with Z.
21/03/2013 at 09:19
Mb he sounds a bit like my h, he always waits for me to tell him what's wrong with B. yesterday b was crying when he had fed him and he just sat there saying help!but if I wasn't there I'm sure he would work it out, so make sure you have your night out as he will manage fine.
The finances etc are probably very stressful and he probably doesn't want to make a decision on it,but I would probably send him a txt and ask him to agree when you can discuss it.
As for the sex, I'd probably ask him straight out why he hasn't been interested, if you don't feel comfortable saying to it, send him a msg
21/03/2013 at 09:53
Is your h off the day after your out. My reasoning us they do cope, but if h used to struggle settling S he would want to give up and bring him downstairs to tire him out again. So yes they cope but then if you have a tired grouchy Z the next day your h should see it. I worry h wouldn't wake up as he never stirs during the night when S wakes. Then as you know I wasn't well the other day and H took over the night perfectly, I didn't know wether to be thankful or peeved!
21/03/2013 at 12:39
He's stressed, you're stressed. A new born baby is knackering in so many ways. Your H also has financial worries and worries about work. He probably doesn't want to tell you exactly what's going on inside his head because he doesn't want to worry you more.
You spend all the time with your son, so you know his ins and outs. But you have to step back and let your H find his own way through trial and error. It may not be the same as your way, but that is OK too. If you stand there and tell him he's done it wrong then he's going to think "well what's the point!".
I struggled because my H was at work and getting a full night's sleep most nights - even though he did help out at night. He would also say things like 'probably needs a nappy change', or worse "is this the first time she's woken up" when she'd been up about 4 times already that he'd happily slept through. I could have happily killed hiim at that point
Arrange times for you to be out - I went to the hairdressers when I left my daughter on her own with H for the first time for any length of time. My H coped just fine, he just found his own way of doing things.
As for the money worries, ask to arrange a time to sit down and discuss it. When you're both in a good place to do it, not at the end of a long day.
And for the sex you'll have to ask him. Have you tried dropping a great big hint like 'I'm really up for it when you are!'
21/03/2013 at 14:33
Oh MB, all of us go through this at some point lovely. Talk to him. Leave him to get on with things and go out, he will cope just fine! My H still hands the children over to me before considering what they might be crying for. Apparently I'm better at that sort of thing!! Some Men I hope you're ok xxx
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