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06/11/2013 at 12:38
My H was called into a meeting at work on Monday totally out of the blue and was told he is provisionally at risk of redundancy. We both know though that it's a foregone conclusion and they are just going through the motions. They even gave him a redundancy statement showing what they would pay him. He has gone in today for another meeting to start the consultation process but i expect he will come home with a severance agreement.
H is totally broken. I have never seen him cry more than twice (when the girls were born) in 12 years together but he keeps bursting into tears. Real heartbreaking sobs. He feels like a failure and that he's let his family down. I have never seen him so low. Of course i am being totally supportive and he knows i am there for him and that none of this is his fault. I am having to hide my upset and really try to only let myself cry when i am on my own. I am bloody terrified about what will happen. His income was £2k a month take home, £1k of which paid our mortgage. My maternity pay is £700 a month which wont even cover our mortgage payments but his redundancy pay should keep us going for a year if we pull our belts in.
What can i do to help him? I hate seeing him like this. Its truly heartbreaking
06/11/2013 at 12:43
Oh MM I've no experience but it must be terrifying for you and your H. Alpha Male needs to provide for wife and children then bam he can't and it's totally out of his control.
You are doing the right thing by being there and reassuring him. What does he do - can he temp or get contract work whilst getting his CV out there to as many places as possible?
The new year always brings an influx of jobs to the market so take some rest over Christmas with this payment and look hard in 2014.
06/11/2013 at 12:54
He is a facilities manager so not sure if temping is an option. Definitely worth considering though. I was thinking there might be more out there after Christmas. Thanks Belle x
06/11/2013 at 13:02
I've no idea what to say MM. I'm so sorry. You just have to support him now and if he wants to talk, let him. If he needs his space, leave him. Hugs to both of you lovely xxx
06/11/2013 at 13:13
My H was made redundant a couple of years back. The first month was scary but he got a new job within 5 weeks and although we still struggle financially, he is happier as a result in a better work environment which will hopefully reap some benefits soon.
Just be there for him and look at practical things like what benefits you may be able to claim x
06/11/2013 at 13:23
Oh MM, I am so sorry. It is tragic. It's so unfair when it happens.
My advice to you as to what you can do is 2 things:
1) keep reminding him, as you already are, that it is NOT his fault, that he is a good worker and will find something else before long. And that you are there for him whenever he wants to talk
2) Ask him what help he would like. Ask him if he'd like you to look in to things like temp work, mortgage holiday, what benefits he's entitled to etc. Or... you may know instinctively he would want (or not want) that help. In your H's situation I prefer to do all of that admin/job/benefit stuff myself and as silly as it sounds I would feel as though I wasn't coping if my husband started doing that stuff for me, I would want the emotional/physical support (lots of hugs and sympathy) whilst I did the legwork, not every couple works in that way, if you see what I mean.
I really hope he feels better soon. I found myself jobless (temporarily) in May, and have been made redundant twice. It can feel as though your world is crashing down around you and you feel to blame if you can't provide for your loved ones. I understand his tears - and your worries (make sure you talk to friends/family and don't bottle it up too) Wish you all lots of luck.
06/11/2013 at 14:54
Thanks everyone. I havent heard how todays meeting went yet. I just really feel for him. Lots of hugs needed i think xx
06/11/2013 at 17:18
Oh that is terrible, hope the meeting went well if at all possible x
06/11/2013 at 18:21
I'm really sorry MM x
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