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28/01/2013 at 12:14
Ex has said he is willing to have B stay over on his own one night, before having both of them overnight. What do you think? My instinct is to say no as that is unfair on U. Both of them or not at all. Although at the same time I am pleased he is considering to have the children overnight.
28/01/2013 at 12:22
I would totally be inclined to say both of them or not at all.
28/01/2013 at 12:24
I agree with M, if he gets his own way this once then he will expect it all of the time.
28/01/2013 at 12:25
That was my instinct although not about him getting his own way but rather how cruel to U.
28/01/2013 at 12:28
That's unfair on U, I'd decline unless he's willing to have both
28/01/2013 at 12:44
Agree with others, either both or nothing
28/01/2013 at 12:46
Why will he not have U?
28/01/2013 at 12:49
WCKS, why does he only want B over? Its unfair on U and it doesn't give you a chance of a night to yourself.
28/01/2013 at 12:51
My friend assumes it is because B is a good sleeper and U doesn't sleep and therefore would be more difficult to deal with.
28/01/2013 at 12:54
Does he have a 'sensible' reason for only wanting to have B to start with?
I completely know why you think its unfair (and it is unfair) but I think you need to be careful about putting blocks in the way of his seeing his children. In case this could be used against you later on.
I think I would at least want to pin him down on the date that he is going to take both.
28/01/2013 at 12:55
I guess it depends, do you think he could deal with U?
28/01/2013 at 13:02
before I said yes or no I would question his reasons why. I know when my husband was little his Dad used to have his sisters overnight but pick him up in the morning as he would not settle for his mum until older - could it be a reason like this?
28/01/2013 at 13:08
No, both of them or not at all. You don't get the chance to say which one you will have and I also think it would be confusing for b, why won't u be there? Why dies u get to stay with mummy. So I'd say no
28/01/2013 at 13:10
Why both or not at all? It's a step in the right direction, he wants to have B overnight before having U as well. It's all very new to both the children so little by little. I'd say yes we can try it and see how it goes. You've said yourself U has been upset by all of this change. Plus it gives B some much needed tme with his daddy.
28/01/2013 at 13:17
I agree with Nina and Belle
28/01/2013 at 13:25
Why can't he agree to have both of them, even if on their own for a night each- might be a compromise and maybe possibly lead on to having both, just make it clear he can only do it once then he will need to have them both together as its not fair
28/01/2013 at 13:26
I would allow him to have B on his own, then the next time U on her own - so it looks like they are being treated fairly. Then I would insist he has both.
Although it would annoy me that he only wants one and not the other, i'm inclined to agree that it's better than not wanting them at all. If U settles better for you, then is it worth making her go and stay with her daddy and upset her, and perhaps set her back?
28/01/2013 at 13:29
I think both of them because I think its unfair on one child to miss out especially when U is the one that is particularly struggling at the moment.
I think I'll query it as Cedar suggested. I don't want to stop them having acess to their father but at the smae time I don't want any resentment between the children ie that he saw one and not the other.
28/01/2013 at 13:34
What about if he agrees to take both but that you would be willing to come and get them both at whatever hour of the night assuming he is not miles away - that way you are saying you trust him to have both but willing to be a safety net if required for the first few nights?
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