hi H2TA and beanie
just wanted to post to tell you how sorry i am, no words to describe how unspeakably awful your experience must have made you felt. i work with women through pregnancy, labour and the postnatal period and to be honest, though lots of women go through a traumatic time, i havent heard many stories as bad as yours. you had some very bad luck which was also badly managed by staff - those early days are important for bonding and you and your baby getting to know each other, regardless of delivery and complications and the midwives and nurses bickering amongst themselves added unprofessionalism to the whole sorry mess. you must find it so hard to trust enough to have another baby. from what you've been through i would say its highly unlikely they will want to go for anything other than elective caesarean next time (although this might not be much comfort as im sure you will worry about any mode of delivery when cared for by such a bunch of monkeys!)
were there any other reasons for the forceps? as by 2 hours pushing, laid on your back (which would have been unavoidable with an epidural) your baby's heartrate probably wasnt great. it may have been that it was necessary but the kind of damage you sustained is rare and certainly needs investigating - plus if you didnt consent to something, there's no way on earth they should have done it. even in a stressful situation they should still explain their reasoning and get your approval.
i can't see the end of your story, but i hope the reversal went well and your bowel works ok now? none of this was your fault and anybody would have struggled coming to terms with it. maybe taking this further might help you find some peace and some confidence that lessons will be learnt. as a mum i can understand the heartbreak that missing out on some of the very early times with your LO has caused - but comfort yourself with the knowledge that your LO was unaware of this and that you are a fantastic mum x