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09/01/2013 at 10:38
I always though that at the back of my mind, there was an underlying fear for giving birth naturally. I got married and unfortunatley we couldn't get pregnant so tried for IVF. This didn't work either but rather than push the matter, we were both rather relaxed about the whole thing and never got round to the next trial as we split up.
At 34, I found myself in a new realtionship and after a year we became pregnant. About 4/5 months into my pregnancy, when I started showing properly, thats when it hit me. I would have to actually give birth to this thing inside me. I went to the midwife on a routine app and completley broke down. She was rather shocked I think and referred me to see a consultant to discuss a C Sect. She was very understanding of the matter however and wrote a long email to the doctor I would see explaining the matter.
When my appointment came around with the consultant, she could not have been more unsympathetic if she had tried, either choosing to not have read the email prior to my attendance or reading it and not having an ounce of understanding of the fear that I have or the condition. (I have since written a letter of complaint). She agreed that I could have a C Section but purely because 'Well I suppose I can't refuse you to have one'.... I cannot and could not tell you now, the main reason that I am so scared of the process because I cant simply pin point it down to one particular area. The thought of blood on my thighs, the baby ripping me apart, the pain. Sorry if that's graphic, but its the truth. I also have a pelvis that tilts the wrong way, nerve problems with my back and a cervix the size of a pin head, but these are the least of my issues compared to the fear that I have.
In my opinion, there is not enough knowledge of Tokophobia, or education in the matter. Even long term friends of mine who have children, can simply not understand my reasoning of wanting a major operation over doing it naturally. I am fed up of having to explain myself to people that have no idea of the condition or see it as a get out. I 100% know that a C Set is the right decision for me and I am so much more relaxed after knowng that I could have one. Before, I was not enjoying my pregnancy (which I should have been as I have had no problems whatsoever, note even morning sickness) and at 35, I know that I can finally relax and look forward to meeting my baby girl.
I think that part of the reason that I have left it so long to have children, was the fear that I had of a natural birth. Now, I have wasted quite a lot of my reproductive life, worried about this and the possibility do be able to opt for a C Sect, could not have happened sooner. I may still have been waiting if this was not available, may be never to have children at all.
A Section IS a major operation, yes there are risks, just as there are in ANY operation but there are also risks in natural birth. It should be the mothers right to be able to decide how she feels about birth. For everyone who thinks that its a waste of NHS money (as I have encountered this argument as well), I have been paying my taxes and NationaI Insurance for 19 years, from when I first started working, without not once claiming any benifits or hand outs from the state. Why shouldn't I now be able to use the service to which I have been paying into all that time ?
A final note, I wish you all well with your births and in becomming mothers, don't be pushed into anything you don't want to do and be strong x
10/01/2013 at 13:39
I don't have Tokophobia and have had two natural vaginal births. I was quite surpsrised by this as I have hypermobility syndrome and everybody on my maternal side (even my sister) had always given birth by c-sec so I half expected I would end up the same.
I did have my concerns towards the end of pregnancy about what I would go through each time as every birth is different and nobody can ever tell you exactly what will happen. It is hard work giving birth (hence the name labour) and the pain is intense but our bodies are designed for it. My own phobia I had to over come is my fear of needles (and being rhesus neg I had the added joy of anti-d jabs) but my 2 girls make me proud I made the choice I did.
18/02/2013 at 22:37
Thank you rufusdufus77 for your post.I am crying with relief that someone is similar to me. I am so glad that the fear I have felt since my late teens has a name and the feelings I have aren't just limited to me being wierd as many people have made me feel this.(if I hear but it's natural one more time I swear I will punch the person saying it, Dr or not !)
I am going to ring my Dr surgery tomorrow and explain I want someone who has dealt with Tokophobia and not get fobbed off again because at 36 this might not happen for me and I have to try.
I am so relieved I am not alone in my fears and I really love my husband I didn't want to divorce him just because of this fear
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