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Labour & birth
22/02/2010 at 21:17
22/02/2010 at 21:55
Hi there Diana I'm Rach mum to Tomos 3,and Joseff 21mths.
I think how you feel is perfectly normal,I would feel the same,I had to have sections for my boys,due to cervical stanosis(excuse spelling) I'd had surgery on my cervix yrs previously and thus made sure it wouldn't dilate because of scar tissue,despite being induced 3 times!
I felt like a complete failure as a woman,imagined not bonding with the boys,felt I was in some way inadequate for not giving birth 'normally'. All untrue. If a doctor has said this is the only way for a safe delivery,then you have to work with that hun. Your bonding with the baby will not be comprimised,I believe and it's obviously far safer for everyone with a section.
As fr the in-laws I can't help you there,mine are a mare too
I hope you can get your head around the fact a section is best,trust me,it will be,and possibly better than you not being able to care for baby if your back were to cause problems. Ignore everyone else,concentrate on a calm peaceful delivery. I know others don't help with hurtful comments,my SIL said it was a shame I couldn't give birth properly! Cheeky cow,my reply is un-printable I'm afraid!
chin up rest up for the exciting arrival of your precious baby x x hope to chat soon x
22/02/2010 at 22:06
22/02/2010 at 22:22
Rant away-that's what we're all here for! I had about 12 hours to get my head round it-not easy,second section so so calm,so planned almost surreal...weird having a 'date' to have a baby but it's safe,and it's the way you're going to hold your baby.
Try not to fret,I'm sure all will be fine,accept it,and the quicker you do,the easier it will be to concentrate on recovery and your best role ever as a mum! x x and it really is THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD
22/02/2010 at 23:23
Hi,Diana.I had my first section last year after 6 normal births.I didn't get any warning,it was an emergency and totally unexpected after my other normal births.I did feel a bit like it was a cop out cos I didn't give birth,he was taken out,but it was necessary,I'd call it faulty equipment/awkward baby in my case.
You obviously don't have a choice,the doctors don't just choose that option unless it's necessary and it's certainly not the easy way out.Next time you get a tactless comment from a loved one like those you mention above saying they knew you couldn't do it,don't be polite with your response.Good use of the hormonal card.
I was worried about bonding.When you give birth naturally and they're put straight onto you,obviously doesn't happen with a section.I mentioned this to my midwife and she suggested putting baby,naked except for his nappy inside my gown,to still have skin to skin contact which was something I was so glad of.He stayed in there the whole of his first day.There have been no issues with bonding.
When I had my section the nurses were quite keen to get you up and moving after a day.At first you'll have to have someone hand you your baby,but by the day after he was born I was able to sit in a chair and feed/cuddle my baby.
Don't know if your hospital will be the same but when I was in,there was a rule that fathers could visit between certain hours.No visitors at all for two hours in the afternoon.Other visitors than fathers only two hours in the evening.If it's not the same at your hospital I'm sure you could invent something along those lines to help with the inlaw situation,as well as the very tired,had major surgery reminder that hopefully they will respect,and you'll look forward to seeing them when you and baby get home.It's not selfish,this is your baby and it's going to be your special first moments with him/her.
It's natural to worry about it all,it's a big thing.
24/02/2010 at 19:30
hi diana i'm zoe and i'm mummy to charlie who's 2yrs
you have every right to feel frightened and concerned as a c.section is a big decision to make but rachel is right and i agree with her if the docs are saying its the safest option for you and the baby then its the best option to take
i ended up having an emergency c.section with charlie so i had all of 10 mins to get used to the idea lol but it had to be done because his heart rate was dropping and he had little oxygen left i was awake for it so yes it must be daunting thinking that you wont be able to hold your baby straight away or bond with them but believe me hunni you will. why dont you put in your birth plan or make it clear to you midwife that you dont want anyone to hold your baby other than you and your hubby first untill you are awake and then when you wake you can still do the skin to skin contact etc which will help to secure your bond with your baby.
as for the in-laws you have to be brave and put your foot down, as harsh as it may seem to them they need to respect your wishes and realise that you, hubby and baby need some time together. my mum was a big nuisance when i was pregnant and she kept hinting that she would be in the labour ward with me etc but in the end i just had to put her straight and tell her it would just be me and john in there because thats what WE wanted and if she didnt like it then tough. you have every right to feel the way you do towards the in-laws they sound suffocating and i dont even know them lol
hope that helps
take care hun x x
24/02/2010 at 21:17
25/02/2010 at 07:34
at my local hospital only dads are aloud in with their wives/partners pretty much most of the time whereas any other family members are only aloud during hospital visiting hours and that includes in-laws/the new grandparents so they wont be around as much as they like fingers crossed and u can always say to the midwives you arent feeling up to visitors at some point if they do end up getting too much
keep smiling hunny this is a wonderful time in your life where you should be looking forward to it
25/02/2010 at 14:04
Unless you have already told your in-laws the date of your c-section, don't!!!
There is no reason for them to be there, and it is your husbands responsibility as your birth partner to tell HIS parents to stay away until you are absolutely ready for them.
If you are worried about bonding with your baby,(which won't be a problem), make sure you insist that he tells them not to turn up till you say so. Give yourself time, especially for your first one.
My husbands Mum and partner turned up at the hospital when I was being induced, it made me livid, and I haven't forgotten the outrage two babies on!
The last two times we haven't told people baby was born till at least the day after, to give me time to get my head sorted.
You could always tell the midwives you want some peace and not to let relatives apart from your husband in to see you?
It's very hard but i get so angry reading about interfering in-laws, they need to be told to butt out!!
Re: bonding, you will have no problems. If you really don't want a c-section say so. It is your body and they are trained to deal with any situation. I think they should let you try and help if needed not pre-empt problems.
25/02/2010 at 20:20
I just wanted to say: please please dont worry about the bonding, i have two very close friend who had emergency sections but under general anesthetic as it was quicker to get baby out. They both have beautifull boys whom they love dearly and the bonding was not a huge problem for them.
They both made sure that when they had come round they had as much skin to skin contact as possible and whilst they were still groggy from the section the daddys had skin to skin with baby.
As you have the 'benifit' of knowing you are having a section under general plan what you want to happen after the op - and make sure midwives/Dr's/hubby all know
I am lucky in that my three babies were all born vaginally (excuse spelling) but i really strongly believe that it doesn't matter how your baby enters the world. It is more important that you and baby are in the best shape/healthiest you can be to cope with the change that comes with being a mummy and being a newborn!
As for the inlaws - i really think that your husband should say to them that you want some time alone with him and baby to bond - and if that doesn't work the midwives can stop visits if you dont want them. You dont mention your parents so forgive me if they are no longer around but I felt that i really wanted to see my parents before my inlaws.
Stay positive and hope this helps in some small way.x
25/02/2010 at 22:39
25/02/2010 at 23:34
I was just mooching through the posts and thought i'd lend my support! It's such a daunting time isn't it and an emormous pressure when family get involved in plans that you are not even settled on yet. Take a deep breath and give yourself some time out before sitting down with your husband and letting him know that you understand his feelings but that you need to come to a compromise that suits both of you. I think men have a tendancy to think that their mothers/families can be pushed out of the grandchild/birth experience and its amazing how fraught everybody can become when there's a birth pending.
I doubt I've given you food for thought but I wish you all the best with everything.
26/02/2010 at 08:36
Morning! I'm not sure your husband understands what it is you are going to go through. It's good that he wants his family involved. But not yet!!!
YOU have to give birth, and YOU have to be the one that is comfortable seeing people, when and where you want.
I'll say it again, and maybe you should try saying it to your husband, he is YOUR birth partner which means he is there to support you, not rally around getting support for himself.
Ask him if he actually cares what you think/want from your birthing experience. Also let him know that the mothers mental state can impact how the baby is, they absorb emotion like sponges!!
So if he is getting you stressed out you may have a fractious and sad baby for him to pass around his relatives! Why does he want his brother to stay the week before?
You HAVE to talk to him. You need to make it explicitly clear that you NEED time with him and the baby as a new unit.
You will be a family now, and the opinions and wants of his parents will come a poor second to the wants and needs of your new baby and what is best for your baby, and you should set that expectation before the birth so they don't start ganging up and trying to influence things once baby is here.
It is VERY important that you talk to him or you may end up resenting him long term for potentially ruining what is a once in a lifetime experience. Your very first birth and baby.
I am sorry i sound so militant, but I feel it is very important that babies and mothers come first and that while you are doing all the hard work during pregnancy and soon after birth, especially for c-sections, the mans main role is to smooth things out for you.
It sounds very much like your husband does not understand and is trying his best to do the exact opposite!! There is soooo much time for his relatives to play babies. Straight after birth is not that time, a photo each with newborn then *** off to leave you to suss out what is going on, it's very daunting having a baby!!
28/02/2010 at 13:46
28/02/2010 at 21:31
Diana,had to chuckle reading your latest posts!!! Sorry,but most men are men when it suits them-mine is a complete mouse with the dreaded outlaws,until very recently.......
The worm has turned,thank f**k and things are looking better!
Hi to you buster loving your attitude-sound very like me!!!!!
Diana I hope his brother doesn't stay with ya hun,no offence but that your's and your hubbys last few days together,and I realise you can't bank sleep,but you need to rest and do your own thing hun x
Isn't it wonderful when the nursery starts to come together??? I only put furniture up and a very basic pale blue border but was so so excited!!! My boys share now,both in beds,time goes so quickly......I'm off before I start the emotional rant of'enjoy them they're not babies for long'........... X
04/03/2010 at 09:42
hello diana i know its a bit late lol but i can honestly say i felt the same as you with my first.i'd the same issues with the inlaws and from experience i would definatley say you need to say something to them soon.
15hrs after an emergency c section me in my very trendy backless gown,little hospital bed,catheter and all was crowded by the whole of my partners side 3/4 being male and a four huge helium balloons (which by the way went against my extreme wishes to be left alone until further notice!) my family hadnt even been to visit!Lesson learnt?dont leave it to your partner to tell them!because it wont happen he'll think you'll just go along with it and be ok...whatever it is you want from the day and days after make it clear to them now.call his mum or take her out for coffee and discuss it.shes been there before and should understand.dont leave it up to midwives as they change shifts so often and dissappear right when said inlaws walk in
because i was so quiet and just let my mil take over i spent the first few wks sullen moody irritable and not at all in control and thats the kinda stuff that ruin the bonding time with baby .bite the bullet honey it'll pay off in the long run you write a birth plan to make you feel more at ease and incontrol of the birth think of the chat with your mil as a post birth plan!its equally as important what happens afterwards.
good luck honey xxx
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